It's Kind of a Funny Story Page #8

BOBBY:

I wouldn’t want to raise anyone’sexpectations and then disappoint them.

CRAIG:

That’s it! You’re pragmatic! Rightthere. That’s what you tell them.

BOBBY:

(smiles)

Yeah?

CRAIG:

Yeah. I think you’ll do great.

BOBBY:

Thanks, babe. You up for a match oftable tennis?

CRAIG:

Um, I’m actually pretty terrible at it.

BOBBY:

Relax babe. It’s just for fun.

INT. REC ROOM - MINUTES LATER

Bobby holds the ball, addressing Craig on the opposite side.

BOBBY:

We play a lot around here, but theproblem is most people are too zonkedout on their meds to compete.

Bobby serves to Craig’s partner, Roger, but the ball just

bounces past him. After a beat, Roger swings for it. Craig

can’t help but laugh.

INT. THREE NORTH - NORTH CORRIDOR -EVENING

Craig sits down on the hallway bench across from the rec

room. Looks to the wall clock, which reads 6:58.

Nearby, Johnny talks on the telephone.

JOHNNY:

No, but--I never said those things.

She’s a liar... Please, baby. Baby,

baby, please, listen, listen....

Johnny notices Craig nearby, pauses for dramatic effect.

JOHNNY:

...I love you. You know, I love you...

That’s right. Sure. Don’t worry aboutit. Of course, I forgive you, baby.

Johnny gives Craig a thumbs up and a smile. Craig looks on,

awed by his mastery of women, when...

...Noelle approaches. Craig plays it cool, as she takes aseat next to him.

NOELLE:

You came.

CRAIG:

Yeah. I mean, like, I had other plans,

but I cancelled them.

NOELLE:

Good. I thought I mighta scared youoff yesterday.

CRAIG:

Oh, yeah, celebrity suicide. Kinda

weird.

Craig notices several old scars on Noelle’s forearm, peakingout of her bunched up sleeve. Seeing this, Noelle subtlypulls her sleeves over her palms.

NOELLE:

Okay, check it out... We’re gonna playa different game now.

CRAIG:

Okay.

NOELLE:

I ask you a question and you ask me aquestion.

CRAIG:

Do we answer them?

NOELLE:

It’s up to you, but no matter what, youhave to finish with a question. Here

we go... You ready?

CRAIG:

I think so.

NOELLE:

I said finish with a question. Are youstupid?

CRAIG:

Uh, no... Are you?

NOELLE:

There you go. Do you think I’m grosslooking?

Beat.

CRAIG:

No, you look awesome.

NOELLE:

What’s your question?

CRAIG:

Why’d you invite me here?

NOELLE:

I thought it was nice that you loanedBobby your shirt. Don’t you think thisis a good way to get to know someone?

CRAIG:

Sure. Have you played this before?

NOELLE:

Not in here. Are you a virgin?

CRAIG:

So... How long have you been here?

NOELLE:

Oooh, nice transition, Craig. Twenty-

one days. Who brought you here?

CRAIG:

I checked myself in, I guess. Kinda byaccident. The suicide hotline said to

come. Why are you here so long?

NOELLE:

They think I might cut myself again.

Why’d you call the suicide hotline?

CRAIG:

I guess because I didn’t actually wantto kill myself... even though I kind of

did. Does that make sense?

Noelle nods.

NOELLE:

So, why did you kind of want to killyourself?

CRAIG:

Depression... stress. Have you everheard of the Franklin Gates University-

NOELLE:

--Scholastic Summer Semester? Yes. So

you messed up the application orsomething?

CRAIG:

No, I mean, I haven’t even started yet.

NOELLE:

Finish with a question. Isn’t it due

on Friday?

CRAIG:

Geez. Do you have to remind me?

NOELLE:

Sorry. So are you some kind of brainor something?

CRAIG:

I work hard, but I’m not that smart. I

get Bs. How about you?

NOELLE:

I don’t care too much about school.

The teachers think I have a problemwith authority. Where do you go?

CRAIG:

Executive Pre-Professional. You?

NOELLE:

Delfin. You’re not some kind of school

uniform perv, are you?

CRAIG:

You guys wear uniforms?

NOELLE:

See, I knew it!

(flinching)

Is there a bug on my face?

Craig examines her face, finds a loose eyelash near her eye.

He holds it up for her to see.

CRAIG:

Make a wish.

Noelle thinks for a beat, blows it away.

CRAIG:

Is the game over yet?

NOELLE:

Sure.

Craig leans back, takes a deep breath.

CRAIG:

What do we do now?

NOELLE:

Are you still playing?

CRAIG:

No... are you?

They both laugh. Noelle jumps to her feet.

NOELLE:

I’ll race you to arts and crafts.

Noelle takes off down the hall at full speed. Craig watchesher for a second, then gives chase. As they pass Smitty...

SMITTY:

Hey, no running, please!

INT. REC ROOM - MINUTES LATER

JOANIE, the recreation director, addresses the class.

JOANIE:

This is free period arts recreationaltherapy for you latecomers.

The room full of PATIENTS turn their heads toward Craig andNoelle, just now taking their seats in the back.

Bobby cranes his neck, whispers over his shoulder to Craig:

BOBBY:

Cool Craig. Still workin’ on it?

CRAIG:

It’s not what you think.

BOBBY:

Call me crazy, but I think you guyswere probably out there playing thequestion game.

CRAIG:

Oh, then I guess it is what you think.

BOBBY:

Thought so.

Joanie strolls up to Craig, introduces herself.

JOANIE:

I’m Joanie, the recreation director.

CRAIG:

Craig.

JOANIE:

Materials are on the table, Craig.

CRAIG:

Oh, that’s okay. I don’t really draw.

JOANIE:

Sure you do. It doesn’t have to be

representative. It can be abstract.

CRAIG:

That’s okay, I’ll just--

Joanie turns to the class.

JOANIE:

Everyone? Our new guest, Craig, haswhat we call an artistic block. He

doesn’t know what to draw.

HUMBLE:

How about beavers?

JOANIE:

Humble, we do not draw the sort ofbeavers you’re talking about.

HUMBLE:

Oh really?

Humble holds up his drawing of an actual beaver.

JOANIE:

That’s a very nice drawing, Humble.

Roger, from Saturday’s ping-pong match, calls out in general:

ROGER:

Rolling pin!

JOANIE:

What was that, Roger? That’s verygood. What did you say?

But Roger clams up, won’t repeat it.

CRAIG:

(to Noelle)

This is weird.

NOELLE:

She won’t get off your back until youdraw something. Anything. I bet youhave some crazy stuff in that messed uplittle mind of yours.

We ZOOM IN on Craig’s eyes, and enter his brain, which is anelaborate maze of winding rivers and roads. We travel

through Craig’s animated mind village, until...

...we emerge out of a fireplace into...

INT. CRAIG’S LIVING ROOM - FLASHBACK

Craig’s Mom, LYNN, and Dad, GEORGE, watch Bill Clinton’sstate-of-the-union address on TV. A living room tent/fort isilluminated by a flashlight behind them.

SUPER:
BROOKLYN, 1999

INSIDE THE FORT. FIVE-YEAR-OLD Craig struggles to trace amap of Manhattan. Frustrated, he CRUMPLES the paper.

LITTLE CRAIG:

Sh*t!

OUTSIDE THE FORT. Lynn and George exchange glances.

BACK INSIDE. Lynn peaks her head in to find 16-YEAR-OLDCRAIG, in too-small jammies, looking pissed off.

LYNN:

Craig, honey, what’s the matter?

CRAIG:

I can’t do it. Five years old and I’malready a failure.

LYNN:

What can’t you do?

CRAIG:

I can’t even trace Manhattan on tracing

paper. Tracing paper! Are youkidding?

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