It's Kind of a Funny Story Page #9

LYNN:

Craig, you can’t just trace freehandand expect it to be perfect.

CRAIG:

Why not?

LYNN:

You’re five years old.

CRAIG:

That’s no excuse. Mozart composedthree major symphonies by the time hewas five.

GEORGE (O.S.)

He’s right, ya know.

LYNN:

Craig, listen, I have an idea. Instead

of trying to trace maps of Manhattan,

why don’t you make your own maps... ofimaginary places?

FIVE-YEAR-OLD CRAIG is back. He looks up to his mom as wePUSH IN to CU. What a great idea!

CRAIG (V.O.)

That was the closest I’d ever come to

an epiphany.

A60

The camera enters Craig’s drawing, swerving through A60

streets and around corners in his imaginary city, until...

B60

...we PULL OUT, above the drawing. Craig’s hand B60

enters frame, putting the finishing touches on his newcreation.

WE ARE BACK IN THREE NORTH AT PRESENT TIME.

JOANIE:

Looks like somebody got unblocked.

PROFESSOR:

That is extraordinary.

HUMBLE:

What is it?

Several patients gather around Craig’s drawing.

BECCA:

It’s so pretty.

BOBBY:

Not bad. Looks like a brain.

CRAIG:

Yeah... It’s a brain map.

Craig turns to Noelle, but she’s gone. However, she’s leftan impressive drawing of an orchid with a short note: NICE

MEETING YOU CRAIG. SEE YOU WEDNESDAY. SAME TIME, SAMEPLACE.

SMITTY (O.S.)

Craig, you have a phone call.

INT. THREE NORTH - NORTH CORRIDOR COMMUNITY PHONE -

MINUTES LATER:

Craig picks it up.

CRAIG:

Hello?

INT. AARON’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Aaron screams into the phone...

AARON:

Is this the loony bin!?

Aaron cracks up, and we FREEZE on his mangled expression.

CRAIG (V.O.)

Okay, I’ve been putting this off, but Iguess you should know more about mybest friend, Aaron. He’s the kind of

guy that life just comes easy to.

INT. EPPHS CLASSROOM - DAY

TRACK down a row of students receiving their graded tests -

94, 97, 96, 98... Craig gets an 82%, and Aaron scores a 103%.

CRAIG (V.O.)

He’s got a 4.6 GPA! I don’t even see

how that’s possible. And he’ll

probably get into the Gates SummerProgram, and claim something like...

EXT. EPPHS COURTYARD - DAY

Aaron is juggling apples in front of his many friends, butturns to address the camera while keeping the applesrevolving in only his left hand:

AARON:

I didn’t even apply to that thing.

They totally recruited me. Whatever,

it’ll look good on my college apps.

He gets back to juggling two-handed for his friends.

CRAIG (V.O.)

Not that he’d need it... His

extracurriculars are out of control. I

mean Aaron does everything.

A64

FLASH ON AARON sliding into home during a baseball A64

game. Craig is among the fans in the bleachers.

CRAIG:

He plays sports.

B64

FLASH ON a dark screening room, where Aaron is B64

watching an old film noir from the 1930s, however...

...ON THE SCREEN, in classic trenchcoat-noir regalia, Craigemerges from a dark shadow, turns to us in the audience...

CRAIG:

He started a film society.

C64

FLASH ON Aaron connecting a shiny, futuristic cable C64

from his record player to a laptop computer. Craig appearsin a Quicktime window in the corner of the screen.

CRAIG:

(addressing us from the

computer)

He invented that adapter thing thatconverts vinyl albums to mp3s.

Nia enters the room, starts making out with Aaron. Mid-

smooch, Aaron reaches for his computer mouse, closes theQuicktime window with a CLICK.

CRAIG (V.O.)

I just couldn’t compete...

INT. NORTH CORRIDOR COMMMUNITY PHONE - PRESENT

A65

Craig speaks into the phone. We INTERCUT between A65

the hospital and Aaron’s apartment.

CRAIG:

How’d you get this number?

AARON:

My girl gave it to me. What’s it like

in there, dude?

CRAIG:

How do you know where I am?

AARON:

C’mon Craig, we go to the same school.

I did a reverse number search.

CRAIG:

Is there a class for that?

AARON:

Seriously, how’d you end up in AdultPsych? Do they serve beer in there?

Craig hears laughter, and then Ronny, jumps on the line.

RONNY:

Dude, can you get me any Vicodin?

More laughter, but Nia protests.

NIA:

Guys, leave him alone!

Aaron muscles the phone away from Ronny.

AARON:

Seriously, Craig, what happened?

CRAIG:

I don’t know. I had a bad night.

AARON:

What do you mean, a bad night?

CRAIG:

I’m just, you know, feeling...

AARON:

Dude, you just need to chill more.

Your problem is you never chill. I’m

gonna be chilling tonight; where yougonna be?

CRAIG:

Here. I’m gonna be here.

AARON:

Don’t be a girl. You know if I was in

a mental ward, you’d call me up andgive me sh*t.

CRAIG:

It’s not a ward; it’s a hospital.

AARON:

What’s the difference?

CRAIG:

You seriously don’t know? They’re,

like, two completely different-

AARON:

--Ohmigod, Craig, there is so nothingwrong with you!

CRAIG:

Yes, there is. I’m depressed. I take

pills for it... ask Nia.

AARON:

Ask Nia what?

NIA:

Craig!

CRAIG:

Forget it. Maybe if you weren’t such adick, people would talk to you more andyou’d know this kind of stuff.

AARON:

Dude, is this some kind of pity playfor my girlfriend?

CRAIG:

Yo, Aaron.

AARON:

What?

Pause.

CRAIG:

F*** you.

Craig SLAMS down the phone, crushing his finger in the

process. He grimaces in pain, as Solomon approaches.

CRAIG:

I know, keep it down, I’m sorry.

His point made, Solomon retreats back down the hall.

INT. CRAIG’S THREE NORTH BEDROOM - NIGHT

Craig stumbles in, falls into bed. Muqtada stirs.

CRAIG:

I don’t have any friends.

A beat.

MUQTADAThis is very tough thing to learn.

Craig looks to Muqtada, surprised to hear him respond. After

a beat, Muqtada rolls over in the other direction.

INT. EPPHS CLASSROOM - DAY

We slowly TRACK IN on a TEACHER at her desk, as students turnin their FRANKLIN GATES SUMMER SCHOOL applications. The

teacher thumbs through them all, then addresses the class...

TEACHER:

Huh... seems here someone neglected toturn in their Gates Summer application.

Who is it that doesn’t want to study atFranklin Gates this Summer? Or

eventually get into a good college?

Get a good job? Have a good lifestyle?

Get laid? I don’t understand whyanyone would want to end up depressed,

alone and homeless... in a psychward... sleeping next to some asocialreject named Muqtada!?

INT. CRAIG’S THREE NORTH BEDROOM

Craig’s eyes snap open in bed.

TITLE OVER BLACK: “TUESDAY: DAY 3”

INT. THREE NORTH - NORTH CORRIDOR - DAY

Craig lumbers slowly down the hall, when he hears a womanyelling with increasing volume.

As he approaches the TV room, he peers inside...

INT. TV ROOM

A WOMAN SCREAMS at Bobby. His daughter, VERONICA, who werecognize from the photo, watches in silence, while Rogerobserves nearby. Johnny lingers just outside the room.

WOMAN:

What’s the matter with you?!

BOBBY:

Please lower your voice.

WOMAN:

How can you let your child see you likethis? What kind of father are you?

Bobby stares at his daughter across the table. She can’t

look him in the eyes.

WOMAN:

I swear it’d be better for her if youwere dead. But you can’t even get thatright.

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