It's Not My Fault and I Don't Care Anyway Page #2

And now the second part.

I don't care anyway.

This is a little trickier.

Apply it once again

to Climate Change, and oh,

I can see you already

all prickly in your seats.

Of course you care!

You care!

Don't tell you that you

don't care, because you do!

You do care!

Well. To that I ask;

Do you? Really?

Do you really?

Really?

Well, I think

that you don't care.

That society changed,

at some point and we

simply stopped caring.

No one knows why.

Was it the media, was it

horror movies, was it violent

video games that

hardened all of our hearts?

No one knows.

But one thing is certain;

It wasn't my fault!

And I don't care anyway.

And neither do you.

So say it. Everyone!

Come on!

All together now!

It's not my fault,

and I don't care anyway!

- You got it.

You understand this!

Give yourself a break.

Why not?

It's not your fault.

And you don't care anyway.

And I was scared.

Right this way Giantman.

But it was

nice in there, Girls. Drinks.

His own pool table.

He had everything.

Yes, alright.

You like it.

I got some things for ya.

But for Johnny,

it was never enough.

- Smoke a little of

this so you hear me,

but no much you

can't listen, you know.

Thank you, sir.

Sir.

Dis muthafucka polite!

A muthafucking gentleman

giant up in ma muthafucka!

That's a big man.

That's Moose.

Dat's Bottlecap.

Dis is -

Who the f*** you?

I'm Darla.

Darla.

What do you think

of my new giant?

Aw... He looks like a

big old Teddy bear.

Oh no.

He a demon.

See Johnny,

he was a crook of all trades.

Lately he was trying

to move into Chinatown.

And that was what I was

supposed to help with.

You see there was this

Chinese guy called Wing.

Dis mutherfucka Wing!

Got Chinatown wrapped

around his pink shorties!

And you, you be just de

dimensions to whip it from

his grip, you feel me?

Got a plan. Mega brilliant.

Megawatt like the sun

is my mind, big friend.

Because honestly,

that's just how he talks.

We're going to put a

scare in him and scare the

white from his rice, no time!

Better den killin'

him, you know.

We gonna fear him

something worse than death.

A demon, to haunt his dreams.

Ya do dis.

Ya do it right, and you

get high on de Johnny.

All month.

Ya do it right.

Wait, wait, wait.

He said he he wanted to

scare the white from his rice?

Yessir.

Continue.

Wing was the wisest of

the old Chinese wise guys.

Everybody in Chinatown

did what he said.

Johnny said that

if Wing fell into line,

the other shopkeepers would too.

- Like little yellow dominoes.

- Because Johnny was kinda

racist for a black guy.

Anyway, the

one thing about Wing,

like his one weakness maybe-

He was superstitious.

He believed in demons.

Not demons that

hafta stay in hell,

like Christians believe. But

demons that infect your soul.

Demons that will kill

your whole family line,

like in that

movie about Bruce Lee.

- Anyway, dis here.

Dis will make ya voice even

more deep and scary

than it is right now.

Hello.

I sound like Darth Vader.

No ya sound like a bad ass

mudder focka, mudder focka.

The force is strong

with this one.

Yeah, yeah.

Luke! I am your father.

Don't f*** around.

Sorry.

Dat's right.

You're more than Darth Vader.

You...

You're something better.

Something else.

What am I?

Are you a scary demon,

head ass escaping monsta

style, mudder focka!

Yeah.

Who's da scary monsta?

I'm the scary monster!

Der's one lass ting.

What's that?

Ya gotta smell right.

What do you mean?

Demons are of death and decay.

Yeah.

Ya don't smell of roses,

but you're not quite yet

of death and decay neither.

Okay.

I've been keeping

dees in the closet.

Two months.

Hmm.

It stinks.

Not enough.

No, like that really stinks.

Is this sh*t?

Yeahh.

Is this human sh*t?

Yeah. It's Moose's.

I ain't f***in

talking about that.

You aren't going to

put that on me, are you?

Death and decay, mudder f***er.

Ohhh, Ohh.

Come on.

Ouuu, sh*t.

Let's go.

Seriously?

I don't want to be a demon.

It was gross.

And as a homeless person,

I have a high tolerance

for bodily functions.

Morning mudder fucka.

Wake up and smell your demon!

And that's my cue.

He slapped him and

I'm supposed to roar.

But I got the Darth Vader

thing on my throat so

I accidentally, I say,

"Luke! I am your father!"

Which I

figure was a dead give away,

but I guess Wing wasn't

a big Star Wars fan.

Yeah, Yeah,

I'm a voodoo, mutherfucka

and I brought a

demon to your dreams!

I am Johnny of the Tree Fingas

and you will respect me!

- And I opened my mouth to roar

and I can taste how I smell.

Stand in my way and

I'll eat your soul.

That was the bombingest

grenade you ever exploded,

that throwing up like that,

that was some real demon sh*t

like from The Exorcist!

What was that stuff that Moose

was spraying on him in there?

Concentrated LSD.

You did good my giant friend.

You and me we work together now.

Permanent-like.

- I should have

been scared, but ah,

but all I could see

was that big bag of Heroin.

You my demon, mofo!

You my demon, forever.

- That was like a lot of Heroin.

A month's supply.

And maybe I could ahead

on my bottle collecting.

Then I'd be a month

ahead, possibly forever.

To an addict like

me that's a dream.

It seemed harmless at first.

The beef between Johnny and

Wing, it wasn't my fault.

And in a few minutes,

I'd be so high...

I wouldn'a cared anyway.

So, like I say, my

sex life was getting dicey.

I was getting into some stuff

with some questionable dudes.

I'm sorry.

This is confidential, right?

Cause like, I signed exclusivity

on life rights for a book

and a movie and also

I'm getting a reality show.

But that's also a secret.

This is all confidential

and anonymous.

And I mean, who even

are you anyway, right?

- Yeah.

- Big fan.

Okay, so...

Here's what happened.

After that I was Johnny's boy.

Johnny would let me park

my car at his warehouse.

And he let me use the shower.

He took me to the big and

large and got me this suit.

He said I was bad ass.

- You bad ass.

I thought so too.

I also got these

fight'n lessons.

Alright, alright.

The ting about ya giant man

fry pan hands is that you

gotta lay em on em, you know?

Charles. Git here.

Me?

Who the f*** else is Charles.

You, stand here.

Alright, now pretend he's a

resistant-ass shop keeper and

we gotta take him to school.

Okay.

Alright, now you say

something resistant.

I ain't paying you sh*t. Get the

f*** up outta my shop, nigga!

- Oh, ohhhh. That

Chinese man said the N word!

Now you, you can get very angry.

Put your hand around his neck.

Okay.

Yeah, now lift

him up on da wall.

Yeah.

You wanna pay now?

Yes please.

That's what I thought you'd say.

Sorry.

We cool. We cool.

Shouldn't I learned

how to punch him?

Naw, naw. That is the

only move you'll ever need.

Trust me.

He was right.

So it was Johnny's idea that

I wear these Halloween fangs

and give them em a little peek.

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