It's Not My Fault and I Don't Care Anyway Page #4

not suppose to say.

That's not very sociable.

Well, they call me Giantman.

You're the one that carried me.

Yeah. Sorry.

So, I'm kidnapped, right?

Like this isn't a game

or a prank or anything.

I'm actually

seriously kidnapped?

Yeah, I think so.

So what kind of ransom

are you hoping for?

I don't know. Lots maybe.

Your dad's the king

of self help, right?

He cheats money out

of stupid people.

You don't like your dad?

It's complicated.

You're lucky to have a dad.

Yeah, you're right. Sorry.

I'm sorry. Sorry.

So what happens now?

I need your dad's phone number.

Who's Johnny?

How do you know... Sh*t!

I said his name.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I won't say anything.

Really?

Sure.

Cause, I'm, I'm kinda

new to all this and

I really don't

want to get fired.

I, I won't say

anything, I promise.

Thank you.

Sure.

But I need you to

do something for me.

Okay?

That's fair, right?

Uhhh, I guess.

Okay well, being a

kidnapped person is a pretty

dicey situation, right?

People get killed right?

It happens all the time.

You'll be fine.

No. It happens all the time.

I just, I want you

to look out for me.

A little bit.

Okay?

If you get me through this

I have money in of my own to

make it worth your while.

You do this for me, I'll pay

you like tons, I promise.

So, would you look

out for me little bit,

Giantman?

Yeah. Yeah, I would have anyway.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Yeah, for sure.

Love.

Compassion.

Duty.

These supposed virtues are

the very rocks that we put in

our pockets to drown

ourselves with!

Those who don't care,

are the ones who go furthest,

they do the most,

because they are free!

And I know that this is true.

Not only because I feel it

to be true in my very bones,

but because I was tested.

My time in the desert

started with a phone call.

Hello.

It's 09:
00 A.M. Do you

know where your daughter is?

Excuse me?

No ya don't,

cause she her with me.

Who is this?

I'm the guy that done boost her.

I'm not giving

her back for gratis.

- I'm sorry, I honestly

can barely understand you.

Daddy?

- Diana! What's going on?

Where are you?

I'm kidnapped. Daddy, they

got me here they want money.

Kidnapped!

Come on, now come on!

Come on sweetheart.

What's happening?

- Daddy look, I know

I've lied to you before,

but this is no lie, Daddy!

They have me.

They're serious and

they want money!

How much money?

Ten million dollars, Daddy.

Ten million dollars! Wow!

It's a lot of money.

But it was also

an amount that I had.

The ostentatious fact was that

I kept 12 million dollars in a

pair of duffel bags in the safe.

I could have gone downstairs

right then and gotten it.

Daddy I know we don't

get along right now.

I know I haven't

been the best daughter,

but I'm still your

daughter, aren't I?

Your little girl.

I'm still your

little girl, aren't I?

I'm still your little girl,

aren't I?

She said this.

And oh did my prehistoric

brain kick up a fuss.

Now, what to do.

I took a breath and

divorced myself from my

prehistoric mind.

I sat in my head-castle's

favorite chair

and I applied my credo.

Was this my fault?

No, surely no.

This was the fault of

the man on the phone.

Also the fault of my daughter

who I knew to be doing

drugs and having

relations with um...

Anyway back to me.

Due to my training and

clear thinking I saw in this

an opportunity. You see, there

are lots of people like me.

People who claim to have wisdom,

to claim to follow that wisdom

themselves. But how many of

them get the chance to prove it?

To prove that even

in extreme cases,

they can stick to their guns.

I was being given

that chance, folks.

To prove that I was real.

And nothing beats real.

Let me talk to the

gentleman you're with.

Yeah, mudderfocka.

Ya understand now, okay?

I want dee money in a

black suitcase with wheels.

In the trunk of a

Lincoln Navigator...

- Hey fella. Let me

stop you right there, okay?

My daughter does copious

amounts of cocaine and she

spends time with the

very worst sort of people.

I imagine that's

where she met you.

What?

I will call the police,

because that is what a

concerned citizen does

when there's been a crime,

however I will not pay.

Is that clear? I will not pay.

No police or the girl dies.

Oh yes, yes, of course,

because that's kidnappers say.

Let me repeat.

There will be no money.

Is that clear?

No money.

I don't think you understand

what is happening here.

Daddy please! They're

going to f***ing kill me.

She's absolutely correct!

Be that as it may, my daughter

and I are not close, so any

threats against her safety

will not have the usual effect.

And I called the police.

So...

I got the call early

on Tuesday the 27th,

it was just after nine.

It was the father of the

victim, one Patrick Spencer.

Ahh, had you heard

of him at that time?

Sure I heard of him. We all of

us at the station heard of him.

He's the Tony Robbins of

Canada, right? World famous

for selling all those

books on how to be an a**hole.

So you had heard of him,

but you didn't like him.

No I didn't.

But at the same time,

I felt for the guy.

I mean, I got two girls in

college, and the thought of

them being abducted, well,

I felt for him right away.

So, I grab Smitty and we headed

over to the Spencer house.

His f***ing mansion,

I should say.

F***, I should swear less.

My daughters say.

But, f*** it.

It was a f***ing mansion.

I mean, I knew you could

get rich doing this sh*t he did,

but I had no idea.

We're in the wrong

f***ing business.

No sh*t.

Yes, yes, hello.

Please come in.

Hey, I got food.

Are the clothes okay?

Yeah, No I was uncomfortable

before, but now that I have

on a high end sweat suit this

whole situation is just fine!

Well, it's all I can do.

He's not gonna pay!

He's not.

Because of his philosophy.

This just isn't his fault,

and so he just, he doesn't care.

Come on...

No, he doesn't care, on purpose.

But I... I always thought that

he'd look out for me in the end,

you know, when the chips were

down, he'd take an interest.

I mean he has the money.

He has eleven and a half

million dollars in the safe!

But now that the chips are down,

like they are down right now,

I am in mortal f***ing danger

and he just doesn't...

He doesn't care!

He never cares.

Well maybe...

Maybe he's got a secret plan.

There's this Mel Gibson

movie called Ransom

where they did

something kind of similar.

Here.

Maybe he's using his big

rich person brain to find a

new way to save you. Just...

Just...

Hey.

I don't know how into...

sex...

you might be...

But... I think you're

really cute, so...

if it would maybe like help...

What? Oh no! No no.

Ehm...

That would not be right at all.

Sorry! Thank you, though.

Uhh...

Let's just be friends.

Okay...

'Bye buddy!

I hadn't been turned down in -

I thought I knew men, you know...

This guy,

Mr. Spencer, he was calm.

He was cool as a

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