It's Not My Fault and I Don't Care Anyway Page #5

cucumber margarita,

and he lays it all out.

- I got the call

about 9:
01 am.

They demanded ten

million in ransom.

I refused to pay, and I informed

these criminals that I

would be calling the police.

- Right there, that's weird.

I mean, sure, you call the

cops, but you don't tell the

f***ing kidnappers

you called the cops.

You tell the kidnappers that

you would never call any cops,

and you'll pay right away, yes

sir, no sir, three bags full.

And he says to me;

It's not the money.

I have the money.

I keep twelve million

in cash right here in

the house in the safe.

- And the way he's telling me

this, I feel like he's proud.

Like he's somehow proud

of himself for being calm,

for screwing up the procedure,

for having the money and not

even trying to offer it.

So I say to him, I say;

Sir...

- And I wouldn't normally

tell a vic this, but, I say;

Your daughter might die because

of the way you handled things.

And you know what he

says to me? He says;

It's not my fault.

And I don't care anyway.

- So yeah, I read the books

later, so I know where it

comes from now. But at

the time, it blew my mind.

I thought of my girls and

all my sympathy for this rich

motherf***er went

right out the window.

I was thinking, f*** him.

I'm in this for the girl.

So we're friends, right?

Mh-mm.

But not really, because

we don't know each other.

Okay.

So, we need to get

to know each other.

It's easy.

It only takes three questions.

Like a game?

Yeah.

It was a game I played as a kid.

Three questions,

to know anybody.

I figured he was gonna

tell me shut the f*** up.

Okay.

Okay. First question.

What's the best thing

that ever happened to you?

Jeez, I dunno.

There must be something.

Um, well,

there was this one

time when I was young.

My folks and I were driving

around and we splurged on a

day at the amusement park.

You know, with

rides and all that.

Yeah.

Well, I was only 6 at the time,

but I was tall enough that

I could ride any ride I wanted.

The other kids my age,

they couldn't ride anything

because they would come up to

the signs that said you had

to be this tall to ride, and

they weren't tall enough.

For me it was easy.

That sounds nice.

Yeah it was.

It was a nice day.

My folks were always

trying to give me nice days,

you know,

giants don't live too long.

Oh. I didn't know that.

Yeah.

And you, what's yours?

You'll laugh.

I will not.

Charles.

I was in love with him.

Oh.

Stupid, right?

Nah. No. Ehm...

He didn't wanna do it. Okay?

Johnny made him.

If that helps.

It helps.

It helps a lot.

Okay, next question.

What's the worst thing

that ever happened to you?

The worst that has

ever happened to me

has got to be when my Mom died.

She had a stroke and

she was in the hospital,

and they were keeping

her alive on machines.

I'm sorry.

Yeah.

She was signed up to be an

organ donor. And the doctors

knew this, and they started

in on my Dad about when they

could get some of her organs

for their other patients.

My Dad had this flashlight,

that he would shine into

her eyes. Because if her

pupils reacted to the light,

then maybe she wouldn't

have to die after all.

So my Dad would shine

the light into her eyes

every so often, just

to check for himself.

And we had been down

to the cafeteria to talk,

man to man you know, about

letting Mom go to Heaven,

even though we'd miss her.

And then we went back

to the room, and my Mom,

she had the prettiest eyes.

And so my Dad went to

check her eyes with the

light one more time, and...

they had already taken her eyes.

The look on my Dad's

face when he saw that!

That's got to be the worst thing

that's ever happened to me.

That's awful.

I lost my Mom too.

She killed herself.

Really?

Yeah.

But she was always sad.

The ironic part was that

things had just gotten a

whole lot better.

Yeah?

Yeah. My Dad had left a while

back, but suddenly his book

became a big deal, so I

suggested maybe it was a good

time to settle the divorce.

We got a bundle.

That's nice.

Yeah. Well...

I think my Mom was

sticking around for me.

But now we had money and I was

okay, so she was free to go.

So she went,

and that's the worst thing

that ever happened to me.

It's okay. I cry for

my Mom sometimes too.

My Dad said it's okay to cry.

I agree.

There you go.

Okay. Last question.

What's your dream?

My dream? Come on!

There must be something.

Heroin.

Something else!

Um... Oh no!

You can do it.

Okay well...

I went to the library

recently, to check on the

internet, about Holland.

Holland?

Yeah Holland. It's a country.

You heard of it?

Yeah.

Yeah well, the people in

Holland are really tall.

Even taller than the Germans,

who are tall as well.

They're so tall in fact that

they recently changed the

rules of construction so that,

you know, doorways are bigger,

and buildings are made bigger,

and you know for taller

people, in general.

That's cool.

Yeah. And ehm, if I had a dream,

it would be to go there,

and you know, maybe live there.

I'd still be tall,

but at least I'd fit in.

I think that's a great dream.

You think?

Yeah.

Well what's yours?

It used to be

to you know, be famous.

Like an actress or something.

But now, it's just...

To live.

To live through this,

and to live some more.

Hey hey hey.

Come here!

Everything's gonna be okay.

Yeah?

Yeah.

I promise.

- So, I guess right there

is when we became friends.

He promised me.

And then Johnny came in.

Your father a real hard

ass for a rich man.

Is that my sweatsuit?

Sorry, Johnny,

she was naked and...

Did you just

say my f***ing name?

Sorry Johnny-

Sor-Sorry!

Shut de f*** up!

And you little girl.

You tink about your least-

favorite-

finger.

Now, I do not know if you have

ever been involved in a high

profile kidnapping case,

but it is extraordinary.

So drugs...

Yeah well, all the

rich kids buy their dope in

this area, but why should...

So many dedicated

professionals standing ready,

it's a wonder criminals

have any chance at all.

We're gonna do the

trace on on the phone from here.

Yeah, I know,

I'm gonna go downtown about...

I cooperated utterly,

even as I stayed cocooned in my

philosophy. Anytime worry

would get the better of me,

I would use the Ten

Selfish Thoughts technique

and the - Breaths of Me-ness.

At this point, I was still me.

But all that was

about to change.

Johnny was mad!

This muthafucka won't pay!

What kinda muthafucka

turns his back on his

own little girl dis way.

Maybe we should just

quit while we're ahead.

What?

Yeah, maybe, just. Let her go.

What?

It's just an idea.

You gone soft, giantman.

I didn't go soft.

No. You been

soft dis whole time.

Well, that changes today.

That morning I received

an envelope via courier.

And inside was a severed finger,

and the nail polish

matched my daughter's.

He made me put a

bag over Diana's head,

I think to help

me be mean to her.

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