It's Tough to Be Famous Page #3

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against Navy head."

They'll court-marshal me

for that.

- Let me see that.

- 'Look it over'.

"Mayor gives Scotty city's

freedom and clean handkerchief.

- "Modest young hero..."

- Oh, stop it!

I've had plenty.

That's a terrible thing

to do to a guy.

Well, do you need a manager

or do you want to do it alone?

I'm licked.

From now on I won't even take

a bath, unless you're there.

Oh, it's not that bad,

old boy.

But you do need

an experienced manager

to keep a celebrity in right,

with the press and the public.

How do you make your living?

Just managing freaks?

Oh, no,

that's a sideline.

I'm really in

the publishing business.

It gives me all kinds of

magazine and newspaper

and advertising connections

for the benefit of

the freaks I manage.

I'm beginning to catch on.

You and Sutter and I

are in business.

- Cash in on an accident.

- 'Accident?'

Sure. We're all trying to get

rich, 'cause I had the good luck

or the bad luck to do my duty

down that submarine.

Well, your analysis of the

situation is little bit crude.

But it's true.

Here's the draft of

Commander McClenahan's speech

- for the banquet tonight.

- Who wrote it? You?

Of course, he's going to write

all your speeches.

If Sutter wrote it,

let him make the speech.

- Scotty, for heaven's sake.

- Hey, listen here.

You can shove me in and out

of cars, tell me where to go

what I've to do, make me

pose for cameramen

but I won't read that

speech in public.

- 'What's wrong with it?'

- What's wrong with it?

I'll tell you what's wrong.

It's just tripe and gush.

Makes me shrivel up inside

just reading it to myself.

They'll throw chairs at me.

What do you think I am?

A sissy poet?

Engrave it on a valentine.

Do anything.

Don't ask me to say it.

Not Mrs. McClenahan's

little boy.

- Say, that speech is great.

- It is? Well, listen to this.

Just listen to it.

"I who have stood on

the brink of the grave

"and have felt

death's dark angel

"brush my cheek with her wing,

have gained by this experience

a finer and saner

perspective on life."

I won't say it, do you hear?

I won't say it.

"I who have stood on

the brink of the grave

"and felt death's dark angel..

"Brush my cheek

with her wings

"have-have gained

through this experience

a truer and finer

perspective on life."

That's a great speech,

Commander.

[indistinct chattering]

Here's the pen,

my boy.

Commander, it's time

to please the ladies.

There you are.

Please autograph mine.

I want mine autographed

on both sides.

Dear Mr. McClenahan, won't you

autograph this song for me?

It'll make me so proud

and happy.

It's the sweetest song,

just published this afternoon.

Have you heard it,

Mr. McClenahan?

No, I haven't ma'am.

Would you excuse me, please?

Where're you going?

Just plain daffy,

unless I can get outta here.

Don't be an idiot.

You're the guest of honor.

- You can't walk out like this.

- I can't, huh?

Listen to this, I'm going

to tell you..

[instrumental music]

There's a brand new name

known to history and fame

It's our Scotty McClenahan

As he bravely fought..

Doesn't this make you

proud and happy?

You have no idea.

Commander, you sing the verse

and we'll all sing the chorus.

Well, I have a sore throat,

I couldn't really, I'm sorry.

Oh, that's too bad.

But it's thrilling.

It's thrilling.

That's a great idea.

Why don't you do it?

Will you stop?

Scotty boy,

your little sweetheart smiles

From Maine to California

Through Uncle Sammy's miles

Three cheers for

the red, white and blue

Oh, Scotty boy

America's pride

Scotty boy

- What're you going to do?

- I'll ring that canary's neck.

Oh, now, Scotty don't be silly.

That's wonderful.

Come on,

that's great.

[singing continues]

Scotty boy

Your mother's prayers

are answered, Scotty boy

Your little sweetheart

smiles

From Maine to California

Through Uncle Sammy's miles

Three cheers for

the red, white and blue

[cheering]

I can't stand this any longer.

I'm going.

Come on.

Where's your sense of humor?

Be a good fellow,

as a favor to me.

Come on and sit down.

That's a boy.

Come on, Scotty.

- Gee, she's a beauty.

- Best looking car in town.

Scotty didn't pay

a cent for it.

They gave it to him for writing

a letter telling how good it is.

- What's that do, Funny?

- Looks like a waffle iron.

- It's got everything on it.

- I wish he'd come out

but I suppose he's having

such a a good time in there.

- Have you run out of smokes?

- There's your plates.

- Can you just help yourselves.

- Don't mind me.

Mr. Edwards, didn't

you have a napkin?

- Why didn't you tell me?

- Napkins are for compliments.

Now, Scotty, you'll tell us

just what the President said

when you went

to Washington.

Charlie and I

saw it in a movie.

I mean, you lay the wreath on

the unknown soldiers' grave.

I didn't know

you were a writer.

We were sure surprised

when those articles you wrote

- started coming in the papers.

- A man named Sutter wrote them.

- But you got paid for it.

- Yeah.

Have you heard the wonderful

song they wrote about you.

It's called "Scotty Boy."

And it goes

something like this.

Scotty boy, America's pride

Scotty boy

Yes, Mrs. Simmick,

I-I've heard it.

Weren't you proud? We were

delighted when we heard it.

- We felt so happy over it.

- There you are, darling.

No, thanks, Moms.

I'm not hungry.

Not hungry? You hardly ate

any supper at all tonight.

- I'm getting worried about you.

- I'm alright, Moms. Really I'm.

He's tired and nervous.

I don't know what to do.

He hardly slept a wink

last night.

I've got a wonderful tonic

Dr. Dover prescribed for me

when I had sciatica.

(Moms)

'I heard him pitching

and tossing about'

'walking the floor

all night.'

Can't we play cards

or something?

I'm gonna fix a nice glass

of warm milk for you.

I don't want

any milk. Really.

Yes, it'll soothe you,

make you sleep tonight.

Yes, sir, that's just what you

need. A nice glass of warm milk.

Scotty, how does it feel

to be a hero?

- 'Heard you had an offer?'

- Yes.

My cousin Nelly knew a man whose

brother-in-law was on the stage.

It's so... wonderful.

[Scott snaps finger]

I wonder, if you'd excuse me,

I-I've to send a telegram to..

To Hoover.

He's going to wire

the President!

[sighs]

- Hello, Commander.

- Hello. Hi.

- Hello, Scotty.

- How are you?

Going to be in town

long, Scotty?

I guess so.

I don't know yet.

What're they gonna do

with that old sub?

- I don't know.

- How about a picture for me?

- One for me too.

- Just autograph it to Jones.

- Leslie Hills for me.

- And mine signed as Jack. Jack.

Hey, send one to

my sister too, will ya?

[car approaching]

'Hello, Janet.'

Hello, Scotty.

[sighs]

- Anything wrong?

- No.

It's just that party

at my house.

The neighbors

and their chatter.

Little more of it, and I'd

be foaming at the mouth.

Am I lucky I had to work

and couldn't come?

'Plenty.'

I'd ask you in, but I'm not

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