It's Tough to Be Famous Page #4

---

dolled up for company.

[chuckles]

Ah, I'm not company.

I'm just a poor guy looking

for peace and quiet.

Well, come on in.

But just for a minute.

It's almost 12 o'clock

and this is a highly

respectable neighborhood.

- Oh, I've heard differently.

- Shh.

- Where's mother and father?

- Shh, upstairs, asleep.

Good.

[exhales]

Oh! Gosh, this is wonderful.

So sane and quiet.

Poor boy.

Remember, when we were

in high school how you used

to sneak here whenever you'd

a spat with your mother?

Yeah. Oh, Moms

is a grand person.

Only, she loves

me so much that..

Sometimes she can make

us both miserable.

Oh, she's sweet.

Remember, how excited she used

to get when you played football?

- Come on, over here.

- No.

- Why not?

- Oh, lots of reasons.

'Who don't you trust?'

Myself, maybe.

You can't forget the time

you came to Indianapolis

to see me graduate,

can you?

We're a couple of fools, Scotty.

We almost spoiled

a very wonderful friendship.

Hmm, I don't know.

Young man,

I'm a hardworking girl

who has to get up

early in the morning.

- You better go home.

- I'll go in a minute.

And this is the first time I've

really been contented in weeks.

Hmm.

Look out, you make

me feel maternal.

Go ahead.

When are you going back

to New York, dear?

Don't bother me,

I'm asleep.

[ambient music]

[music continues]

- Scotty.

- Hm?

- Scotty, will you wake up?

- Hm?

The greatest mother in the world

has a cramp in both legs.

- Have I been asleep?

- You ungrateful oaf!

- Were you asleep?

- Hm.

And here, I've suffered

tortures for over two hours.

So as not to wake you.

Oh, dear, that's terrible.

I'm ashamed of myself.

The only excuse is I haven't

slept a wink last two nights.

No, I understand, dear.

I'm just kidding.

But it's after three o'clock,

and you better shove off.

Oh, shucks, say I have.

You gotta get up in the morning

and I'm just...

Shh. If dad wakes up,

he'll have a fit.

And we'll have

a shotgun wedding.

Goodnight.

[ambient music]

Get out of here, while

my family's still deluded

and thinking

I'm a nice girl.

Oh, revenge, huh?

[both laughing]

Commander, can I speak

to you a minute?

- Well..

- I'm from The Shadow.

- Oh, the tabloid, huh?

- Yeah, the tabloid.

All the news

that's unfit to print.

- Oh, you're up late, kid.

- So are you, Commander.

Say, what the..

What do you want here?

My paper'd like to be

the first to announce

your engagement

to Ms. Porter.

- Go ahead and announce it.

- Much obliged, Commander.

Scott!

'Scott, come here.'

You had no right to say

we were engaged.

Darling, don't you see

we're in a bad jam?

It's my fault

to sleep like that.

After all, it's after

three o'clock in the morning.

And you were being chivalrous.

I don't thank you for that.

- I detest it!

- Honey, listen.

Suppose, it is

three o'clock or six

we were both

perfectly innocent.

I could simply tell

mother and dad the truth.

And if they don't

believe me, they needn't.

- You're not being reasonable.

- No?

I suppose I should rejoice

at this shotgun engagement.

Swallow my pride and be happy

that you bothered

to patronize me and

protect my reputation.

Well, I can take care of myself

without any help from you.

Janet, listen.

Darling, I'm not patronizing

or just being chivalrous.

You know I love you.

W-why didn't you say so?

Why didn't you ask me

to marry you

before you were

cornered into it.

[sobbing]

Janet, please.

- Darling..

- Oh, don't.

Janet, please stop crying.

You know I love you.

I've loved you

ever since we were kids.

I've never asked you to marry me

in so many words, because..

I sort of took it for granted

that you knew how I felt.

I thought we both knew we were

going to be married and soon.

Why, I'd have felt

silly, sort of..

Sort of embarrassed makin'

a formal proposal because..

Well, I didn't think

there was any need of it.

[blowing]

Now..

If you'll have me.

I want to marry you

more than anything in the world.

Attagirl!

[instrumental music]

[church bell ringing]

[music continues]

They say that if a tree

falls in a forest

and there's no one there to hear

it, it doesn't make any noise.

That's the way

I feel about you.

How do you mean, darling?

Well, I mean that

if you weren't here..

All this, all this

wouldn't exist.

[laughing]

Doesn't make much sense,

does it?

No.

But it sounds awfully sweet.

- Scotty.

- Hmm?

Let's work at being married.

- Not just let it happen.

- Alright.

It's the nicest job

I've ever had.

No, I'm serious.

Honeymooning, playing

like this is easy enough.

But we're going home soon.

You're going to work.

We'll have our own apartment.

I hoped to tell you.

Well, I mean, being together

all the time now

is new and exciting.

But we'll soon be over

the first surprise.

I doubt it.

Oh, it's inevitable.

We're bound to get

used to each other.

Well, what of it, dear?

Well, that can be

just as beautiful as this.

If we're intelligent

about it.

If not

we'll be like the married people

that sit in restaurants

like lumps of lead with nothing

to say to each other.

Fair damsel, I swear

beyond the moon above

that I'll always

adore thee.

That I'll always have

plenty to say to thee.

That I'll never sit in a

restaurant like a lump of lead.

Now will you quit

worrying about us?

[Janet laughing]

You're a first class,

a number one nut.

- Well, stop that.

- No.

- Alright you wanna fight.

- Stop it, you..

[both laughing]

- Say..

- Never.

[laughing continues]

- I surrender.

- You do, huh?

Learned your lesson?

Will you tickle me again?

- No.

- Alright.

- Not until next time.

- Oh, is that so?

Stop it..

Ha ha. You'll double

cross me, will you?

Stop it!

Will you ever

double cross me again?

See, I'm a tough guy

to deal with.

- [indistinct]

- Certainly.

That's what

honeymoons are for.

I'll bet even Dr. Tuck's clock

thinks we're sinful.

[laughing]

[clock ticking]

- Isn't that cute?

- Yes.

Just like Dr. Tuck too.

Sort of quaint and kind

and New Englandish.

Exactly the kind of present a

sweet soul like him would give.

Hmm.

- Our first piece of furniture.

- Mm-hmm.

We'll have to furnish the rest

of our apartment around it.

[Scott laughing]

The nucleus of our home,

Dr. Cluck's tock.

[Janet laughing]

Dr. Cluck's tock.

Do you deny now

that you're daffy?

I never denied it.

But you do like me

a little bit, don't you?

Oh, 'bout a nickel's worth.

Is that all?

Don't rush a lady.

[soft music]

Oh, Scotty.

(Scotty)

'Yes, darling.'

Don't forget to wind

Dr. Cluck's tock.

[car engine revving]

[revving continues]

[instrumental music]

Well, Scotty, uh, uh... did you

have a pleasant honeymoon?

It was, uh..

I guess so.

Well, now you're back, I suppose

you're anxious to go to work.

I guess I am.

What're your plans?

Well, I'm going to, um..

You said I can work

for your company.

That's right. The S.J. Boynton

Gyroscope Company.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes