Jamie's Christmas Lock-In Page #6

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to find out what the great British

public really think of it,

and see if they'd actually buy it.

I'll be watching

everything remotely

and controlling the actor running the

session via an earpiece. Clever.

So, first, what do

they think about me?

Let's talk about Jamie as a brand.

What are words that pop into our head

when we start thinking about Jamie?

Creative.

Creative.

Creative, good.

Pioneer.

A pioneer.

Annoying lisp.

He's got a lisp.

We'll write all of these in a second

but didn't you say he was stupid?

Obviously, he sounds stupid,

but I know he's not.

Stupid, in a good way.

Let's play a game.

I want you to tell me whether

or not you would shag...

Oh, yeah.

Hang on a sec.

Sorry!

Hang on a sec. Shag, marry

or kill.

Who are you going to go for?

Shag, marry, kill.

So, OK. So that is Gordon,

Gordon gets a shag.

You're going to marry Jamie. OK.

Poor old Ainslie is on

the chopping block.

Who are you shagging? Ainsley?

Shag and kill.

You're killing Jamie.

How would you like to see him die?

How would you like to see Jamie

Oliver die, if he had to die?

Drown him, strangle him, burn him?

Boiled in a pot.

Monica?

Monica?

I wouldn't...

Go on. Say you had to see him die.

Just...a car crash or something.

Just...a car crash or something. A car crash. Fine.

OK, you wouldn't like to see him die but why not a car crash?

Jamie Oliver is launching

his own fragrance.

Shame!

No, it's all right, it's OK.

Smash 'em with the name.

It's J'ai Mange.

What's your initial reaction to the thought

that it's not just a fragrance, it's edible?

Edible?

Edible fragrance from Jamie Oliver.

I don't want to smell like a kitchen.

Do you spray it on food

or spray it on yourself?

Do you spray it on food or spray

it on yourself? Multi-use.

Christie, you can spray it on your

food, you can spray it on yourself.

Marinade chicken, fish.

You marinade chicken, you marinade

fish, you splash it on yourself.

Chips.

You put it on your chips.

Turkey twizzlers.

Turkey twizzlers,

whatever you're eating.

The thing is, is this safe.

Is it safe?

Multi-purpose.

It's 100% safe at this stage.

What do you think of the idea of a

little bit of nibbling on the...?

Weird.

Yeah, weird.

Weird? OK.

But isn't there a fine line

between weird and genius?

It is genius, that thought,

to have that thought.

Would you say Jamie

Oliver is a genius?

No.

No.

No.

No. No. No.

No. No. No. I'd like you just to have

a very quick look at this

as a potential billboard.

Oh, my goodness.

Gosh.

Gosh.

Jamie, as we've never seen him.

Gosh. Jamie, as we've never seen him.

I don't believe that! That's not his body.

Hang on, not all at once.

What's your initial reaction, Christie?

Jamie looks fit, but

that's not Jamie's body.

I can assure you, that is.

Yeah, I assure you. Cos under those

plaid shirts, this is what's going on.

Is that him for real?

That is genuinely the torso that he brought

to us on the day we took the photograph.

No!

Yeah. How does that

make you feel, Jenny?

That's quite good. I'm speechless.

Rosemary, what are your feelings?

I just feel very let down by it.

You feel let down?

What we like isthe fact that

he seems to be so spontaneous,

and this is him being a bit corporate.

Do you think he's sold out?

Jamie Oliver has lost it. Discuss.

I don't think he's lost it.

A lone voice.

I tell you what we're

going to do, we're going

to do a spray test first of all.

Do you want to just have a little...

Sure.

You're popping it on the wrist?

Where do you normally...?

Well, you can eat it,

just have it in the face.

Well, just straight to the face.

On the face?

Yes, because it's edible.

Let me give you a bit of

Jamie straight in the face.

There we go. Not bad, eh, not bad.

Describe the taste.

The taste just goes so quickly,

I only taste it for a second.

That's the sign of a good dressing.

That's the sign of a good dressing. That's the sign of a great

dressing, it doesn't linger, no aftertaste, it's just a little flash.

It's uplifting.

It's uplifting.

Straight in the mouth and...

Rob, what are your feelings

as you're sniffing it?

I'm intrigued at the moment.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Jenny likes it.

Mmm. Jenny likes it. Yummy.

Jenny.

I tell you.

What are you going to tell me?

It's a bitsensual, I'm telling you.

It's a little bit sensual.

I'm going to put it down.

Would you like to rub a

bit of Jamie on you now?

Would you like to rub

Jamie on you now?

Yes.

OK, go on record whether

you'll buy it or not.

Let's break it down.

Would you go to a shop and buy it?

Yes.

Yeah.

Based on that advert.

You'd still shag him and

you like the fragrance?

Will you go on record that you would

shag him and you like the products?

Jenny?

I would.

Christie, you would say you'd

shag him and buy the product?

Yes.

This is just ridiculous!

Let's try it on some skin.

We're going to bring the model in.

OK, so he's going to spray it on himself.

Jenny, can you lick it?

Lick that arm.

It smells really nice.

Yeah, you're enjoying this?

Christie, just lick the wrist.

Just pop your tongue out. Lick it.

That is great. Will you go for a neck?

Will you go for a neck?

Oh, God, I kissed him!

All right, folks, if you'd like

to pop your blindfolds off now.

Yay!

Hello, darling.How are you?

You know what, I think it's

a good idea, I really do.

Honestly, I think you

should go for it.

J'ai Mange is definitely the future.

After the break, guys, we've

got three beautiful turkeys.

Our celebrity guests are going to taste and decide

what the pub gets to eat. See you after the break.

OK, it is time to eat the

three beautiful turkeys.

OK, so we've got our celebrity guests.

We've got Adam Perry

Lang, barbecue king.

And we've got the fastest carver

in the west, Mr Paul Kelly.

Turkey farmer, turkey farmer.

OK, Paul, we have got our

spit-roasted turkey here.

We are trying a bit of this, are we?

We are dishing it out to Mr Ross.

We are dishing it out to Mr Ross.

Oh, that's good.

Let's go for the turkey

cooked in the salt cave.

No. I'd rather not.

What is that?

All right! I do like a man in a

helmet, but I mean... Hello?!

It had better taste incredibly good.

It had better taste incredibly good.

Just hold my wrench.

Ready for it? Ready?

(AUDIENCE) Oooh!

Whoo!

OK, let's have a little look.

I think we might have nuked it.

I did say it was an

experiment, everyone.

OK, go for it, Paul. I can't believe

I done this to one of your turkeys.

I done this to one of your turkeys.

No, it's all right.

They look like a pair of old balls.

Don't talk about Tinara like that.

No, no, it's good, it's good.

Yeah?

Yeah?

It's juicy.

It is juicy.

It looks horrible on the

outside, but it's juicy.

That is really dry.

The sad thing is that,

actually, it does work,

but not tonight, guys.

OK, deep-fried turkey.

Paul, have a little carve-up, brother.

Deep-fried?!

Oh, I'm not sure about deep-fried, Jamie.

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