Jayne Mansfield's Car Page #3

Hey there.

Phillip, isn't it?

Yes. And you're Neal,

Donna's husband.

Neal Baron.

I'm Donna's husband.

She's the daughter,

Jim and Mrs. Caldwell's

daughter...

or Belford, I guess it is,

or was.

Boy, it's a shame

about her moving on.

She's in a better place now,

better than England anyway,

from what I know of it.

I'm just f***ing with you, son.

But not really. God damn,

it's miserable over there.

I went over there once

on business and, God damn,

I don't see how y'all do it.

You can't get so much

as one good meal over there.

They wouldn't know a grill

if one bit them on the ass.

And musty, God damn,

cold, shitty.

Boil everything.

They boil a goddamn Clark Bar.

Anyway, I don't mean to be

running your place down.

Well, that's quite all right.

The...

the food can be a challenge.

I'd rather live

in West Virginia as there.

Well, listen,

pleasure talking to you.

I'm gonna grab a drink,

if you'll excuse me.

Hell yeah, let's get a cocktail.

I'm in the car business.

I got six lots in the greater

Atlanta area, new and used.

Of course, I don't know

what they've told you about me.

Nothing actually,

but you're doing a fine job.

I'm a two-time pro baller,

defensive end.

I played six seasons

with the Lions.

I got drafted by Baltimore,

but when I got traded,

I come into my own

with the Lions.

I had two pretty bad

knee injuries.

That's what did me in.

I'll show you

the operation scars later.

They're monster.

Hey, Neal, don't you

talk poor Phillip's ear off.

Now Donna was Miss Alabama

back in the day.

Boy, you ought to have seen her.

She looked real good back then.

DONNA:

Are you doing all right?

Of course she had the kids,

and that's hard on them...

childbirth.

Yeah, I robbed the cradle.

I got her barefoot and pregnant

right off the bat.

- That gave her something to do.

- Well, she's lovely.

Yeah, she's a good gal

sometimes... Donna.

Hey, listen, me and the girls

are headed back

after the funeral.

Donna's gonna stick around

for a couple of days.

But there's a big Falcons

pre-season game on Sunday.

I know everybody

in the organization,

being an ex-player, and I'm

kind of a big deal around there.

Do you want to go?

40-yard line. You want to?

I'm not really familiar

with American football,

but thank you.

Oh, that's right, y'all call

kickball "football" over there.

Well, you ought to come with me,

watch some real football

where people don't wear

short britches.

I'm told that you are

quite the expert

of the barbecue grill.

What did you do to your hoof?

My hoof?

Yeah. You're on

that walking stick.

Oh. Yes.

It's been my constant companion

since the Great War.

- I was wounded in France.

- Oh.

I fixed up a lot of soldiers

in France.

Some of them just got

a snort of whisky

and a prayer though.

So...

I was a medic over there,

served under Pershing.

Yes, well, you all did.

Yes, sir, we all did, yeah.

Grandpa, can we go swimming?

Do what?

Can we go swimming?

Just so you don't go half-naked.

Eh? Eh?

Whoo!

What are you doing?

Eating corn?

- Mm-hmm.

- Yeah.

I'm Skip, the one that met you

on the porch a while ago.

I remember.

- I got three airplanes.

- Really?

- Yeah. Yeah.

- Wow.

I got a GTO, a Corvette

and a Chevelle.

Got a lot of lung cancer

and gall bladder trouble

in England, is what I read.

Your thoughts are so random.

I am a thinker,

always have been.

Funny. Very funny.

- Do you want to go see my cars?

- Absolutely.

ALAN:
There you go, brother.

CAMILLA:

Mm. Oh, it's lovely.

Sh*t, somebody's

in my damn shop.

- CAMILLA:
Hmm?

- I hear music in there.

- Somebody's in my damn shop.

- Oh.

Hi. What are y'all doing?

Smoking?

- Smoking a little reefer?

- Yeah.

Sorry, Uncle Skip.

We'll get out of here.

We ain't messing with nothing.

Just, you know, take your time,

have fun.

Just don't let Jimbo and Daddy

catch you, all right?

- All right?

- You got it.

- SKIP:
All right.

- CAMILLA:
Ciao.

Maybe turn the music down

or something.

- All right.

- CAMILLA:
Not too much.

Can you turn the music down?

Oh, man,

Grandpa would kill us

if he caught us.

I mean, really kill us probably.

Yeah, your old man and Grandpa

are both real uptight.

One time Grandpa

sees me lighting up

is when he's dragging my ass off

to a car wreck

or a drowning.

That's some weird sh*t, man.

He brought me out to see when...

when Floyd Carver shot that guy

from the employment office

in the belly.

Oh, yeah.

Did he die?

I can't remember.

The dude killed

the sh*t out of him.

I saw his guts and everything.

Daddy says Grandpa needs a trip.

He says it might

loosen him up some.

He don't even know

what acid is probably.

Imagine that... Grandpa tripping?

That's some funny sh*t

right there.

You know, I got some acid,

you know.

If you want some,

if you want to try.

Okay.

Yeah.

Here we are.

Oh!

I feel as if I went

to an art opening

for automobile lovers.

Oh.

Automobile lovers?

I like the way that sounds.

The fact of the business,

I like the way

everything you say sounds.

I wish I could speak English.

Anyhow, this here

is the Wildcat,

United States Navy.

That's what I flew in the war.

The car's name is GTO,

nicknamed Goat.

Why do you compare your cars

to airplanes?

Oh, I cook up missions

all over the county...

keeps my head in the clouds.

Anyhow, the Wildcat...

the thing about this plane was,

it was the very first American

fighter in the Pacific,

which is where I fought

in the war.

Oh.

Anyhow, right here...

step on over here.

- CAMILLA:
Oh, look at this one.

- Oh, yeah.

That's your Hellcat.

The car's name is Chevelle.

You see it right there.

Chevelle's a little quicker

than GTO,

handles better too.

And the grand finale

over here...

Oh, I love this one. Oh.

It's something.

- Does it go fast?

- Yeah, it does.

- I bet it does.

- They all do.

Mm.

Now the Corsair had

11:
1 kill ratio.

- This... don't sit on it.

- Oh.

- Don't sit on it.

- Terribly sorry.

It's okay.

Anyhow, the Corsair had

11:
1 kill ratio

and the Corvette...

11:
1 compression ratio.

- Isn't that something else?

- It is, it really is.

It's a beautiful,

beautiful machine.

I'll tell you what:

I love this thing.

Now see, notice how

the hood's so long,

that pretty hood, longer than

the ass end so much, see?

Well, in a Corsair, from

the cockpit to the propeller...

14 feet.

See there?

I do. Do you know

you're like a little child

when you talk about them?

What do you mean?

A kid can't fly these things.

Well, it's just not any son

of a b*tch that can handle them.

I mean, you can make a mistake

pretty easy, believe me.

Have I upset you?

They're beautiful.

Yes, they are.

I feel real strange about Mama.

Dear Naomi...

what an eccentric creature

she was.

I wonder why she didn't tell us

she was sick.

She just didn't want you

to worry.

There was nothing you could do.

Your accent sure is pretty.

I could listen to you talk

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