Jayne Mansfield's Car Page #4

all day long.

I need to smoke a reefer with my

nephews. You want to go with me?

Yes, I do. Thank you.

I noticed you didn't eat much.

You don't like Daddy's cooking?

Oh, no, no, no.

It's... it's not that.

Um, I'm sure it's wonderful,

but I can only eat

a very bland diet.

How come?

I was a prisoner during the war,

of the Japanese.

The culinary skills of the Jap

cooks left a lot to be desired.

My insides were left

a bit of a wreck.

Oh. I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to be nosy.

No, that's quite all right.

All three of my brothers

were in the war.

Carroll was in the marines.

He was a medic.

Skip was a pilot in the navy.

They both got decorated.

Jimbo was in the army,

but he don't talk about it much.

He ran the laundry at Fort Polk.

He's so damn jealous

of the other boys' medals,

you'd think

he was in high school.

Well, he shouldn't feel

that way. He did his bit.

Yeah, try telling Jimbo that.

Try telling Jimbo anything.

He's Daddy's boy all right.

Families can be difficult.

They sure can.

So are you married?

Divorced.

Oh.

You got any kids?

No.

Is she pestering the sh*t

out of you, Phil?

No, no, no, not at all.

Neal, get me a beer.

Well, sh*t, you got legs.

Well, may I thank you for your

hospitality, Mr. Caldwell?

The barbecue was superb.

Yeah, well, see you tomorrow.

Hey, sweet ass.

Hey, come here a minute.

Come here a minute. Yeah.

CAMILLA:

Hey, you're blotto.

Hey, listen, there's something

I was thinking about.

I just want to ask you...

This English accent of yours...

there's something about it.

There's just something about it.

Now,

uh, I know we don't know

each other that good yet.

And I'm sure

that you're not gonna just

actually do it

with me yet, but...

But I was wondering

sometime can we just slip off

and you get naked

and talk English

and recite something,

I don't know,

and just let me beat off to you?

Beat off?

Um...

beat... beat off.

What, have a wank?

See? That's what I'm talking

about... that damned English.

Makes me hornier

than Frank Sinatra.

"Have a wank?"

You're mad as a March hare.

I ain't mad.

I just get real focused

on things.

- Think about it.

- Okay.

Goodbye.

SKIP:

Hey, think about it.

DISPATCH:

S.O. to 44A.

MAN OVER RADIO:

44A. Go ahead.

DISPATCH:
Sheriff, are you

still out at Good Frank's?

Give me a 10-84 to Mr. Meyer's.

JIM:

Mm-hmm, yeah.

He's making threatening phone

calls to neighbors, telling them

he's gonna kill their cat.

Caller advised

of a possible 10-96.

SHERIFF:
All right.

DISPATCH:

Unit 59, 10-20?

- Hey.

- Hey, Daddy.

- Hey.

- How are you holding up?

Well...

all right so far.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

It's all kind of hard

to think about, huh?

What?

Are you gonna be okay tomorrow,

you think?

Tomorrow? Well,

what about it?

The funeral.

DISPATCH:
All units,

we have a three-car accident

- up on Lance highway...

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Four fatalities confirmed,

several injuries,

not real sure how many.

It's a shame about

ol' Naomi, you know,

it really is.

Yeah.

You ain't fooling me.

Yeah? I gotta go.

There's a big wreck

right down the road.

- See you later.

- Okay, Daddy.

MAN OVER RADIO:

In five minutes. Lance highway

- and Scott Ranch Road. Over.

- DISPATCH:
10-4.

Let's bring in that new

mystery challenger.

WOMAN:
God bless you.

Go on in. There you go.

Well, yeah.

Yeah. There you go.

DOROTHY:
Mr. Caldwell.

- How are you doing, Pops?

- Please.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Naomi.

I forgive you this time.

Bye-bye.

There you go, Mama.

Go on, buddy.

Mama?

- Da... Daddy?

- Hey, buddy, hey.

- Daddy?

- Hey, it's okay, it's okay.

Go on.

Go get with Dad.

PHILLIP:
Father.

- CAMILLA:
Father. Oh my God.

- PHILLIP:
Okay.

DONNA:
What...?

- CARROLL:
Yeah, loosen his tie.

- Father. Somebody get a doctor.

- Give him some air.

- DONNA:
Where's your phone?

CAMILLA:
Father.

CARROLL:

Hey, get some water.

MAN:
There you go.

DONNA:
Well, somebody

ought to go with them.

They're in a strange town.

They don't know anybody.

Donna, we're all headed

over to the church now

for your mama's funeral.

All right?

CARROLL:
She's right, Daddy.

Somebody ought to go with them.

Yeah.

DONNA:
Oh my God,

I hope he's all right.

What if he's dead?

Thank you.

NEAL:
Broken teeth and bones

and hair and sh*t...

I mean, it's the hardest fought

game...

He's gonna pinch my last nerve.

NEAL:
We got one point

with one second to go

- and you know what happens?

- I- I don't know.

They missed the dang

extra point!

Oh, hey, babe, did they

get your mama buried all right?

- Yeah.

- Hey, listen, I gotta get

something else to eat.

This thing tastes like sh*t.

- How's your daddy doing?

- He's doing well. Thank you.

He had a heart attack

about three years ago,

so of course we were worried

about that.

But the doctor said

he just fainted

because of the stress

and exhaustion.

He's resting now.

And Camilla's with him.

Oh, thank God.

How long

are they gonna keep him?

They said they'd release him

in... in... in a bit.

But they don't want him

to travel for a day or two,

which means we...

we won't be leaving tomorrow.

Well, he can't stay

at the Pines Motel.

I mean, none of y'all should

be there in the first place.

That ain't nothing but

an after-prom f*** joint.

No telling whose jizz

y'all are sleeping on.

Y'all are staying at Daddy's.

That's very kind,

but we couldn't possibly.

Oh, yes, you could possibly.

I think it's a great idea.

Daddy would insist.

NEAL:
All right, girls,

let's go.

We got sh*t to do.

PHILLIP:
Neal, thank you so much

for your help at the hospital.

NEAL:

Hey, no sweat, slick.

Take care of yourself,

all right?

DONNA:
Y'all drive safe.

Call me when you get there.

Hey, Neal, keep it on the road.

Bye, babies.

NEAL:
Hand me one of

those beers back there.

- Aunt Donna.

- Yeah?

Uh, Connell's band's

playing tonight.

Really?

Yeah, at the main dollar store

parking lot.

And I'm doing the sound

and the lights.

Uh, you ought to come.

- All right.

- All right?

- Okay, I'll see you later then.

- I'll see you there.

Okay.

I feel like dancing anyway.

Let's go dance.

I should stay here

with my father.

You need to relax.

There's a whole house

full of people

to take care of your daddy.

Well, I'm not really a dancer.

Well, you will be

when I get through with you.

Hey, what's going on?

Any gruesome car crashes?

Any homicides?

No, doesn't appear to be, no.

Too bad.

Hey, let me ask you a question.

How cold can it be in there?

Is it really that dark

and cold inside you

that you can't even hug

your own son

on the day

of his mama's funeral?

You're drunk. Go home.

Yeah. Hey,

let me ask you another question.

You remember when I was

wounded on Saipan,

I was in the hospital

for three months?

JIM:
Of course I do.

Yeah, I wrote you a letter

from that hospital.

I spilled my guts out to you.

I told you everything

you ever meant to me,

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