Just Add Water

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Thanks for coming.

Would you like a receipt with that?

Don't forget to take a mint.

Thanks for coming.

Would you like a receipt with that?

Don't forget to take a mint.

Thanks for coming.

Would you like a receipt with that?

Don't forget to take a mint.

Thanks for coming.

Would you like a receipt with that?

Don't forget to take a mint.

Thanks for coming.

Would you like a receipt with that?

Don't forget to...

Somebody,

I can't remember who it was,

once said that every man's life

ends the same way.

It's only the details

of how he lived and died

that distinguishes him

from the next guy.

...super waterbed blowout.

No mattress is...

For most people nowadays,

the American dream

doesn't really exist.

For my friend, Ray Tuckby,

it was no different.

Trona, California, had to be about

the weirdest place I ever saw...

like being on the moon

yet less than three hours from L.A.,

and it could get hot as hell...

in the summer,

up to 130.

At one time,

Trona was a town full of promise.

That promise

had long been forgotten...

along with the movie theater,

the Ford dealership,

and the swimming hole.

But it was still

where Ray called home.

Now, home for most people

was a place of refuge.

For Ray, it was anything but that.

In fact, it was just the opposite.

Sixty for a sack.

You got three.

All right.

What's it gonna cost?

Hold on a second there, Ray.

All right.

Afternoon there, Dirk.

You're late on the rent, Ray.

Really?

Damn, Dirk.

Sorry about that.

I'll fly a check on over to you

as soon as I get cleaned up.

Don't make a habit out of it.

You know I got a short temper.

It was pretty much the same routine

day in and day out for Ray...

punch in at 9:
00, out at 5:00.

By 5:
30, he'd arrive

at his house on Cyril Street...

and every day, the welcome wagon

was there to greet him.

You! Ray!

Oh, howdy, Selma.

You might want to think about

cleanin' up your yard.

Goddamn turtle

turned this place into a shithole.

Sure thing, Selma.

I'll get on it over the weekend.

You think you're such a big shot,

Mr. Something Special?

Doubt it.

Ignore that old hag.

Want a swig?

Nah. Thanks, Den.

Ray, how's Stevie there doin'?

He's good.

Yo, Steve-o!

Me and you, buddy.

Take care now.

Always do, Ray.

Always do.

Hi, Charlene.

Hello, Ray.

How was your day?

Just fine.

Any thoughts on dinner?

I didn't know what you'd want.

Oh well, then.

How 'bout I head on over

to the Rite-Valu and get us some?

What an inspired notion.

Any ideas?

Pizza.

Pizza's fine, Ray.

Want to come with?

Might be nice for you

to get out once in a while.

Let's just say

that Ray's wife Charlene

had some issues,

which meant he handled

most of the domestic duties,

like the daily trips

to the local market.

The Rite-Valu didn't have much,

but it did have one thing...

Nora McCalley.

Hey, Nora.

Oh, hey, Ray.

That delivery of

frozen pizzas come in yet?

Supposed to have gotten them today,

but Cliff's engine blew up

on his way back from town.

Guess I'll go for

the Dinty Moore, then.

That's heat-and-serve, ain't it?

Sure is.

Over on aisle five.

Right.

You notice that Chevron station

around the bend's nearly done?

It's a pretty sight.

About the prettiest thing

in this whole county.

- They puttin' in a mini-mart?

- Yep.

If that doesn't do in this place,

I don't know what will.

Well...

I'm sure they're not gonna have

fresh fruit and things.

Or, for that matter, you.

Oh, that'll be $4.10.

Five.

Keep the change.

Now, Ray,

you gotta stop doing that.

It's my pleasure, Nora.

If you're not the most

generous man I've ever met!

Well, guess I'll be seeing

you... tomorrow.

I'll be here.

How many cars

did you process today, dear?

Quite a lot, isn't it?

Heavier than normal.

And how was your day?

I found a half-off coupon

on Bounty paper towels

with no expiration date.

Isn't that something?

I guess it is, yeah.

What about you, son?

I busted some windows

on a couple of houses down the street.

I want to burn down

that shitbox up the street

that that dead guy croaked in.

Now, son,

we talked about this.

You got to work on your anger.

I wouldn't have any

if you took me to Betsy's.

We'll see, son.

All you say is "Soon, son. "

Do I look like

I'm getting any younger?

I'll get it.

Hello?

No, this is his son Edward.

Okay.

Who was that, dear?

Aunt Penny.

What did she want?

Grandma's in the hospital,

in a "comma" or something.

I wasn't really listening.

This looks like a fun one, Ma.

Pigs in a Twinkie.

"Thinly slice one end

off each Twinkie.

"Stuff a cooked sausage

into each Twinkie.

"Place the Twinkies

in a shallow baking dish

"and bake for 10 minutes

or until the Twinkies are warm.

Serve warm with syrup. "

Penny?

Hey, Ray.

Oh, hey, Eddie.

I came as soon as I heard.

What happened, anyhow?

Well, I think she was trimming

a hangnail over the toilet,

passed out,

hit her head on the porcelain.

I been here all day

trying to get her conscious enough

to give me that meringue recipe.

Hey, Ma.

How you feeling?

You comfortable?

Guys.

Oh, here we go.

Mark.

Hey, Uncle Mark.

Hey.

The fruits from my loins.

Ma!

Your meringue recipe...

three parts lemon, two parts sugar?

Ma?

Oh, Mama...

Mama.

He's been like this all day.

Hey, Mark.

How's business going?

Pretty darn good.

Introduced a new flavor

this week from Poland,

Champagne Silk.

It goes down real easy.

Sounds great.

Sauerkraut is, without question,

the superfood of the future.

Daddy!

Hi, everyone.

- Hey, Joanne.

- Joanne.

Mark, can I have

a private word with you, please?

Joanne, get back in the car.

Your kids need you.

You are coming home this instant!

Would you shut them up, please?

Tommy, no!

Those kids have got germs!

Get them out of this room!

As we all know, family gatherings

can be quite taxing at times,

but everything in Trona was taxing...

that was nothin' new.

Dirk and his posse,

for some time,

had a hold on most things in town...

but lately, it seemed that hold

was getting closer

and closer to home for Ray.

Afternoon, Spoonie.

Toll road.

How's that?

Five bucks to pass.

You're joshin', right?

Do I look like I'm joshin' you, retard?

Five bones or I beat the crap

out of your kid every day next week.

Don't hurt my boy, you hear?

He never did anything to you.

Good call, Ray-gay.

I might kick his ass

anyhow just for fun.

Dirk! Hey, Dirk!

Why you keep hounding me, woman?

I'm working on my bike.

Can't you see that?

All you guys shut your mouths

and go in the house before...

Kid's a modern-day

Charles Manson.

You ever notice

how Dirk gets all them chicks?

He ain't as good-looking

as me, is he?

He's got the devil in him, Ed.

Who cares when you're

that successful?

Who wants dessert?

Dessert?

What a nice twist.

Oh, I don't think

we have anything.

I was just interested

to see who might be...

interested.

I'll have a look anyway.

Hey, Dad, could we

go get my rocks off tonight?

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