Knockin' on Heaven's Door

Turn it off!

Turn it off!

OK, that's it for today!

This is a brothel,

not a chorus line!

You don't have to make the people think -

You have to make them f***!

Now then -

The doctor says to the man:

You got two different testicles.

One is made of wood,

and the other one is metal.

The man is quite surprised,

and the doctor doesn't know what to say either.

But then he asks:

"Do you have children?"

The man says:
"Yes, two -

Pinocchio is 3 and

Terminator will be 7 soon.

That's the joke?

Yes, damit!

Who is "Ponocchio"?

"Pinocchio" is a marionette

- made of wood.

And "Terminator" is made of metal.

- I don't understand your joke!

- Because you don't listen right!

- I did!

- No, you didn't!

I have to explain every joke to you

three times and you still don't get it!

I understood your f***ing joke!

"Terminator" is a machine!

- made of metal!

But why is a child a marionette?

Now, that's it!

I'll never tell you a another

goddamned joke again!

You will drive this car to Curtis,

give it to him and piss off.

- OK, Boss!

- No, not OK!

"Driving" means:
You don't stop even once!

But what if we have to take a piss?

Then one of you morons will take a piss

and the other one stays in the car!

You are never to take your eyes off the car!

Understood?

Understood, boss - understood!

Abdul, did you get that?

Yes, no problem, boss! - No problem!

OK, Hank, let's toss a coin:

If it's heads, I drive...

Abdul!

Hank will drive the car first!

You can switch later,

but Hank will start now!

Always Hank!

Hey! Maybe you can wait until I get in?

Be careful!

Idiots!

Good day!

I am here for the check-up.

- Am I allowed to smoke?

- No, it is strictly forbidden!

Damn...

Mr. Wurlitzer?

Rudi Wurlitzer?

Come with me!

- Please take off your clothes!

- Underwear too?

No!

That's enough!

Time for a urine sample!

Nurse?

I need a new cup -

this one is full!

- Sorry, I can't.

- Either you pee or I'll use a catheter!

Take a deep breath

And...

Hold it!

No!

I can't believe it!

Yes, I always say:

Preventive Check-up!

Where is it?

Here?

Cut it out!

We can't do that

What do you mean:

"We can't do that"?

It means that the tumour in your head

is already quite big.

It is still growing and it's pressing on

your brain. It doesn't look good.

You've come too late.

How much time do I have left?

Perhaps only days

My father died of bone cancer, too.

They dissected him piece by piece.

- but it didn't help

He died in the end.

How long ago was that, Mr. Wurlitzer?

20 years.

Medicine has made some progress

in the last 20 years.

Maybe technology is better now -

- but you still can't cure

cancer or HIV.

Yes, there will always be an

illness we can't cure.

I understand that you are worried.

Worried?

You know, it's just the fact that -

Death is a very unpleasant form of life.

Come on!

Come on!

Oh no!

You are not allowed to do

whatever you want Mr. Brest!

This is a hospital

and not an amusement park!

Mr. Wurlitzer, this is your bed.

You can put your things in the locker.

The doctor will stop by later.

You can rest now.

The doctor will find out about the cigarettes

and you'll be in deep trouble!

Nurse?

Can you give me a blowj*b?

Or maybe bring me some tea?

Franky said we can switch,

and now I want to drive!

Goddamn it we're not even halfway there yet!

Move over, or shall I blow you?

God damn it!!

- Hank, why do I always have to flip?

- It's "flip out"...

This is automatic transmission.

You have to put it in "D"!

I know!

- Put it in "D"!

- I know!

And it is "blow one's brains"

and not just "blow someone"!

I know!

What is going on?

I just wanted to see if everything is alright.

"If everything is alright"?

You looked dead.

I don't want share a room with a dead man.

I am not dead.

I am still alive.

Good for you!

I've got a tumour in my head

as big as a tennis ball.

I only got a few days left.

They told you?

I've got cancer -

bone cancer.

This must be the bite-the-dust section.

Some kind of broom closet.

Maybe we should have asked?

Oh sure! "Nurse, we need salt and lemons,

because we want to get drunk with Tequila!"

Salt!

Well done, Abdul!

It was a red light!

I know!

If you scratched the paint, Franky will kill us!

You are completely nuts!

Where did you come from?

You a**holes ran me over!

My leg!

Does it hurt?

Yeah, Achmed!

But nothing happened!

Are you a f***ing doctor?

Come on boy, everything looks fine.

Do you want a banana?

I want you to take me to the hospital

with this car. Motherfuckers!

This car has only two seats.

Then ride in the trunk,

you can't drive anyway!

Smoking!

Smoking helps.

Smoking?

No, that's dangerous to your health!

Do I have lung cancer?

You stand on the beach and taste the salty

smell of the wind that comes from the ocean,

and inside you feel the warmth

of never ending freedom,

and on your lips the bitter,

tear- soaked kiss of your lover.

I have never been to the ocean.

That can't be true!

You have never ever been to the ocean?

Never - ever!

Both of us are knocking on heavens door,

drinking tequila-

- we are biting-the-dust experts-

- and you have never - ever been to the ocean!

Never - ever!

Don't you know how it is

when you arrive in heaven?

In heaven that's all they talk about -

the ocean - and how wonderful it is.

They talk about the sunsets they have seen.

They talk about how the sun turned blood-red

before it set.

And they talk about how they felt

when the sun was loosing its power,

- and the cold that was coming from the ocean,

while the rest of the fire was still glowing.

And you -

You can't talk about it with them,

since you have never been there!

You will be a f***ing outsider up there!

And there is nothing we can do about it?

How did this happen?

These two morons went through a red light

and hit me.

Can you do me a favour please?

Don't let them go!

- There will be trouble with the insurance.

- Sure.

- We are in a hurry and the boy is fine, anyway.

- The doctor will decide that for himself.

Let's smash the window!

First you run over a kid and then you run away?

Don't let these idiots go!

- We've got a very important job to do!

- Everybody shut up! We're leaving now!

- What the hell is this?

- What did you say, b*tch?

Hank says we are in a hurry and

Abdul says we go! Understand?

Are you stupid? Don't let these idiots go!

You gotta hit it!

On the ignition?

Tell me... how is your leg?

It's OK.

The pain is gone?

Yeah, the pain's gone!

Good!

Little motherf***er!

- Step back!

- Don't move, a**holes!

Is the surgery over?

Yeah, you're in heaven.

I'm god and this is St. Peter.

Salam Aleikum!

Oh sh*t!

Excuse us, can you tell us where the exit is?

Over there on the left.

Did you see that?

They've got the same car as us!

Where did you get the gun?

It was in the glove compartment.

Glove compartment?

What car is this, anyway?

That is a Mercedes 230 SL baby-blue.

I mean who does it belong to?

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