Kung Fu Hustle

(Music Playing)

(Man Screaming)

(Glass Shattering)

(Man Grunting)

(Footsteps Approaching)

Anyone else?

Such a beautiful a young lady,

and here she is trapped in your station?

Just for spitting?

Is this what has become of justice?

Has democracy gone berserk?

(Whimpering)

- Your boss is only Commissioner

because he pays his dues to the Crocodile Gang!

And still you morons treat me like this?

We are sorry.

We didn't know

she was your wife

Now you know know! You ugly f**K

(Screaming)

Let's go.

What are you staring at?

You want the address of my tailor?

With assets like yours the movie theaters wouldn't be deserted on Sundays.

WOMAN:
So, where's the limo?

(Footsteps Approaching)

(Sinister Music Playing)

Back inside!

Call the guards!

Uh, don't bother with that, Crocodile.

While you were chatting with law,

your men decided they'd rather sign up with us.

(Chuckles)

That's what you think!

Go my boys, ride of his ass

(All Screaming)

(Groans)

(Grunting)

(Screaming)

(Dramatic Music Playing)

Wait, just a minute!

Remember, when you came to my house for dinner?

(Grunting)

(Groans)

Big boss.

(Stutters) Sir, please don't hurt me.

Not to worry.

I Would never harm a lady.

Run along, child.

You're too kind.

(Screams)

Lieutenant! Come down and clean up the mess!

(Dramatic Music Playing)

(Gloomy Music Playing)

(Gurgling)

What do you think you're doing here?

I wash here.

MAN:
One, two, three!

(Both Grunt)

You'll manage that, Coolie?

Easy.

(Laughs)

(Gurgles)

(Burps)

Donut! my check.

Yeah.

How much?

- Uh-Uh It's all on the house.

- Aw. (Laughs)

I like you, Donut.

- It's nothing, not at all.

- Yeah, yeah.

See you.

You know, I think I'll try to get the wife not to raise your rent this month.

You are too kind.

- Good day, Landlord.

- Uh-huh.

Good morning, Landlord.

Oh! You sure have grown up all of a sudden!

Come visit me and let's play doctor!

- (Grunts)

- (Gasps)

Landlord, what a delight to see you!

What's so laughable about it?

I haven't a clue!

It's too low!

This slit has to be nine inches higher at least.

Can you handle that?

Oh, I can handle it.

Oh, look, a shooting star!

Huh?

(Both Gasp)

I thought you were a decent girl.

You monster! Right in front of the tailor's eyes!

Oh, Jane, I just wanna be friends!

- Oh you!

- Stay here! Wait!

I was only joking Don't be put out!

Jane!

Mrs. Slum Queen?

Hey, Landlay!

Did you forget to pay your taxes?

There's no more water down here!

Water doesn't just fall from the clouds, you know!

You got a pretty big mouth for someone

who's four months behind on his rent!

I was right in middle of monthly shampoo.

I have a right to was my hair.

Ah1 You are a troublemaker!

From now on, no water Mondays Wednesdays and Fridays!

And I'm rationing it, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. And that's that!

I've had it with all your whining and complaining

As though everything should be free here. a**holes!

Would you like some good morning Landlady?

- Don't sweet talk me, you worm!

- (Laughs)

You catch up on your rent or I'll burn your store down!

(Laughing)

What? What's so funny?

The same thing applies to you, you little f*ggot!

(Gasps)

All rice and no brains.

Why don't you get yourself a real job?

Months overdue and not even a lousy "Good" morning"?

You're gonna end up being a coolie your whole life!

There's your shampoo, you little prick

- Hey!

- (Gasps)

I wanted those for breakfast, not for dinner.

Well, you see there was this old woman

then I helped her across the street.

And what are you doing here

Uh, someone was complaining about perverts watching the girls shower.

Did you see anyone?

What? Don't point at me!

You have no proof! Empty, baseless accusations!

She's totally crazy.

Completely off her rocking chair.

(Objects Crashing)

(Groaning)

(All Clamoring)

Go away.

Can you teach me how to do that, sir?

- Man:
Sure! Lesson one.

- (Thrilling Music Playing)

(Wailing)

- Well, who do i do?

- My boss.

Heave a seat.

(Scissors Snapping)

There. That's 50 cents.

Are you kidding?

A Perfect little trim.

It's too stylish.

Makes him look way to slick

Like a fruit cake.

(Grunts)

Don't get all worked up, boss He's an old buddy. Let me handle this.

He's the boss of the notorious Axe gang.

You see the tattoos on him? We're killers

Chiefs command respect should look like they come the gutter.

- Got that?

- No.

'Course not. You're an idiot

But I like you So give me what's in the till and we'll call it even.

Nah-uh

(Grunts)

Whoa! Hold the axes boss He's about to see the light.

Look, kid, I'm at your side.

I'd hate to see your face get pushed in.

So, how about we settle for a little less?

Let's make it enough for a couple of drinks.

Aha! So, your thing is extortion.

Hey, boss!

Boss?

Your Highness?

(Snoring)

Oh, he always does that right before he butchers someone.

He's thinking about the cruelest way to do it.

I am not afraid.

You may kill but thousands more will spring up in my place.

You out there!

If you wanna wake the Lord of the Axe Gang,

you're welcome to take a step forward!

Oh! So you wanna be annihilated?

All right You all know the rules

It's one at a time!

And I Don't wanna see anyone trying to cheat.

You, the onion lady, come here!

Aha. You think you're so tough?

I tell you what you take the first crack.

Put it right here.

(Grunts)

Do you lift weights?

No, honey I raise cattle.

Lucky for you, you're important to the economy.

Now, get back in line

Nutcase.

What? You watch your mouth.

Thank your stars you're a woman otherwise...

You with your hanging open.

Yeah, you shrimp

You look like you could use some sense knocked into your head

You wanna try?

Okay.

If there's one thing that really bugs the hell out to me, it's cheating.

Sit!

You with glasses you look mean enough. Come here!

Whoa whoa, back off! Whoever asked you.

I was pointing at him over there.

You! Karate kid!

You look okay. Let's see what you got.

No. no. I don't give lessons.

What? This can't be true!

Not one of you is worth the effort.

You'd all be dead before I even touched you.

That's the one who tried to blackmail me.

So, fat woman,

are you the boss around here or what?

Fat woman, my ass!

Hey! I'm with the Axe Gang!

Axe Gang, my ass!

- Boss!

- Boss, my ass!

- I will sue you for this.

- Sue me, my ass!

- How about a date?

- Date, my ass!

A snake?

Snake, my ass!

You just wait.

I'll call for backup!

Like anybody would back you up, nitwit!

I can hardly wait.

My forces are waiting.

This will be signal to charge!

- (Explosion)

- (Chickens Clucking)

They will kick your ass

You might as well go buy yourself a coffin.

(Dramatic Music Playing)

Who threw the firecracker?

Thanks for coming, brother.

She did.

(Rumbling)

What are you all gaping at?

It's going to rain!

Go get your laundry off the line! Hmm.

You!

Are you trying to blackmail me as well?

Just forget it.

Huh?

(Grunts)

(Groans)

(Rattling)

(Gasping For Breath)

How did I get in the barrel?

Does anybody know?

My back... It's broken.

The gang.

Call the gang.

(Slow Music Playing)

(Men Talking Indistinctly)

(Explosion)

(Huffs Angrily)

(Shrieks)

Stay down!

(Exclaims)

Easy. How about a snack?

Maybe some egg rolls?

Come here!

Shut up! Silence!

(Choking)

(Scoffs)

(Groaning)

Okay. Who did this?

I will count to three.

One...

Two...

It was me

(Hitch-Pitched Sound)

(Groans)

(Groaning And Shouting)

(Groans)

(Sobbing)

(Shouting)

(Ring Clanking)

(Shouting)

(Groans)

(Screams)

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