Lemony Snicket's A Series Of Unfortunate Events Page #6

You're supposed to take care of us.

I'm not going to talk about it any more.

You know, Aunt Josephine, Curdled Cave is for sale.

So?

So, before too long, people are gonna come to look at it and some of those people will be realtors.

Aunt Josephine, what does this mean?

Where did you find that? I found it in lke's room.

The fires.

Why was he investigating fires?

We all were. Uncle Monty, lke and...

Our parents.

They were our leaders.

Children, there are good people and bad people in the world.

The ones who start the fires and the ones who put them out.

Who's doing this? Is it Olaf?

I've said too much already.

Your parents knew the answer and look what happened to them.

Our parents?

What did they say?

We should never have left that cave.

It's not too late for us to turn around. I'll take my chances with the realtors.

Aunt Josephine, what did our parents say?

We're going to die.

What?

It's the leeches!

I guess it's a good thing none of us have eaten in a while, then.

Guess again.

Aunt Josephine.

There's a crack in the boat!

Klaus, what do we do?

They're eating the boat!

We're sinking, sinking, sinking.

Klaus, paddle, please. Doomed. Doomed.

Aunt Josephine, that is not helping.

There's a boat. Over here! Over here!

But as unpleasant as Lachrymose leeches can be, there was something far more unpleasant arriving out of the fog.

Hello, hello, hello.

I missed you guys.

Looks like you could use a little assistance.

You're gonna need assistance when we get to town.

Aunt Josephine's gonna tell everyone.

Then I'll be sent to jail and you'll live happily with a friendly guardian, inventing and reading books, and sharpening your little monkey teeth.

Bravery and nobility will prevail at last and this wicked world will become a place of cheerful harmony.

Everyone will be singing, dancing and giggling like the Littlest Elf.

A happy ending. Is that what you had in mind?

Because I hardly think that anybody is going to believe a dead woman.

You won't touch her. She's gonna tell everyone what happened.

I won't tell anybody anything, I promise.

Don't throw me to the leeches. You can have the fortune, the children.

Aunt Josephine!

Please. Welcome aboard.

Hot potato.

I'll go away. I'll dye my hair, I'll change my name.

But what about us? Quiet, child. The adults are talking.

I suppose I don't have to kill you. No.

On the other hand, with that little stunt at the window, you hadn't been a very trustworthy person.

But I could show a little mercy.

Haven't.

What?

You said "hadn't." That's bad grammar.

You should've said, "You haven't been a very trustworthy person."

Thank you for correcting me.

Not at all.

No. No, no, no, Aunt Josephine.

You can't! Wait!

Jump!

Well, you get the picture.

Aunt Josephine.

Well, we've done all we can do.

Everybody be cool.

Children?

Is that you? Mr Poe!

We're... Drowning.

I saved him! I saved the boy from the leeches!

Back to the depths, you fingery devils.

You will not devour this boy's head today.

Count Olaf? What are you doing here?

Mr Poe, please.

Count Olaf, what are you doin' here, man?

I know, I know, I shouldn't have come.

But when I heard the children were in danger, I had to.

Even if I'm not fit to be their guardian.

It appears I was wrong about you, Count Olaf.

No. No.

No.

You have proven yourself to be an exceptionally capable guardian.

I would be remiss if I did not place the children with you immediately.

If it weren't for you, the... Don't say it!

I can't stand the thought of losing my little treasures.

Even the thought of the inheritance would be a reminder of my heartache.

There's no need to fret about that.

The law clearly states that you would not inherit the Baudelaire fortune if anything happened to the children. Say what?

With the exception, of course, of blood relatives and married couples.

Really?

Mr Poe, have I told you about our new play?

Critic.

Your cape, sir.

Don't try to get on my good side.

What is he up to? Why are we in the play?

He's using this as a prop.

It says that if two people are married, they're entitled to any money that either of them has. No, but it's just a play.

He can't get our fortune by marrying me in a play.

Oh, can't I? Conspirators.

Caesar must die. Caesar must die. Caesar must die.

In order to be valid, it has to be administered by a bona fide justice of the peace. It says so right here.

Justice Strauss, are you ready for your debut?

Thank you.

Look at you. Violet, you look so beautiful.

You are the bride, I'm the judge. Who's the groom?

No, you don't understand. The play is real.

Yes! Yes.

It must be real. That's why I cast you.

All the other actors I saw lacked the proper...

What's the word I'm looking for?

Hair? Hands?

Verisimilitude.

Now remember, Justice Strauss, you must say the words as you would in a real wedding. Get it absolutely right.

There are talent scouts looking for someone your age.

It's all riding on this one.

Why did you have to tell me that?

Oh, my God. Take her to makeup.

Enjoy! Embrace the butterflies.

This is ridiculous.

Violet's only 14. She can't be legally married.

She can if she has the permission of her guardian. Who's that?

Me!

Look it up, bookworm.

Yes. Once you say "I do" and sign the certificate, you'll really be my loverly bride.

You'll cook and clean and massage my bunions and clip my thick yellow toenails.

Hey, marriage is no picnic.

You gotta work at it.

I'll never say "I do". Never.

I think you might, once you look up there.

Let her go!

Gladly. Let her go.

No! Put a hold on that.

If you don't say "I do", or if anything should happen to interrupt this performance, I say one word into this and down will come baby, cradle and all.

How could you? She's an infant.

Violet. Violet, Violet, Violet.

Violet.

You're 14 years old.

You should know by now that you can't have everything you want.

You want a life of happiness? A roof over your head?

A place to call your own and all that jazz?

And what about what I want?

I want that enormous fortune and for all investigations against me to cease.

You're going to help me get what I want.

Tonight.

My public awaits.

Ladies and gentlemen, could you put your appendages together for The Marvelouse Marriage.

No, you're not going to go through with this.

I have to. No, come on.

There's always something. There's always something.

No, not this time.

But... Camel, you're on.

Go, Klaus. Violet...

Go!

Move your hump, camel, you're on.

Nothing in the world will keep the count from his beloved bride Nothing in the world Nothing in the world Nothing, nothing

What a marvellous day for a marriage.

If only the handsome count were here to claim his bride.

With his full head of hair and great bravery, the count has no equal.

What would Violet do?

The courageous battle... What would Violet do?

...has waylaid him.

There's always something. There's always something.

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