Lemony Snicket's A Series Of Unfortunate Events Page #7

And the quiet, bald-headed suitor has stolen the bride's affections.

Alas. The groom is a cad.

And nowhere near as handsome as the count.

If only for a miracle.

Some way for the handsome count to come and save...

What a thoroughly un-marvellous marriage this will be.

But wait.

What is that?

It's the count in his autogiro.

I didn't know they had this kind of budget.

Yes, it is I, come to marry my bride.

And you, sir, have been taken by surprise.

Caution. This next scene could get pretty graphic.

Away, rapscallion!

Hairless lothario!

Take that! And that!

Can I get some slack?

Let the wedding begin.

Don't look down.

"Do you, "Count Olaf, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, "in sickness and in health, till death do you part?"

Until death?

I most certainly do.

"Do you, Violet Baudelaire, take this Count Olaf, "to be your lawfully wedded husband, "in sickness and in health, till death do you part?"

Justice Strauss, I...

I do.

She doesn't deserve him. No.

Are you thinking that too? No, she doesn't.

Now, all that is left for this happy couple is to sign the marriage certificate, and this union shall be...

Official and legal.

Sunny, where's the key? The key to the lock.

The eye!

Right hand, please.

Children, I'm afraid I must inform you of an extremely unfortunate event.

I'm very sorry to tell you your parents have perished in a fire that's destroyed your entire home.

These things don't just happen.

Come on, come on, come on!

Behind you!

Look what I did to your pretty little home.

Let's finish it.

Boss?

What is it? Kinda busy right now.

We've got a problem. Where are you?

Look up.

Hi.

And so concludes our play! No! Wait! It wasn't a play!

Olaf was gonna kill Sunny if I didn't go through with it.

Ridiculous.

No, you have to listen to me.

He was only marrying me to get to the Baudelaire fortune.

No, that part is true, actually.

Violet and I are, indeed, a blissfully wedded couple, because, you see, we were married in an official ceremony with official and legal vows in front of a bona fide justice of the peace.

Oh, my God, what have I done?

I'm sorry! I didn't know!

First order of business.

Put the other two brats up for adoption separately, into the far corners of the Earth.

These children are meddlesome when they're together.

Mr Poe. You unspeakable cad!

Arrest him!

For what?

For being a greedy monster! Come on.

I'm the monster?

You're the monster.

Come on. Come on.

These children tried to tell you, but you wouldn't listen.

No one ever listens to children.

Come on. Come on. You think you're innocent?

You're accomplices.

This certificate says that I have the fortune now.

Come on.

And there's nothing you can do about it!

What do you think? Too diabolical?

Give me some feedback.

Marriage is no picnic.

Oh, and by the way, you're a terrible actor.

Now, now.

Let's keep our heads here.

If you do anything to me, you're just sinking to my level.

Not to mention setting a terrible example for the children.

Guilty.

I am thrilled to say that Count Olaf was captured for crimes too numerous to mention.

And before serving his life sentence, it was the judge's decree that Olaf be made to suffer every hardship that he forced upon the children.

Get out! Get out!

Oh, no.

The Baudelaires had triumphed, a word which here means "unmasking a cruel and talentless arsonist, "and solving the mystery of the Baudelaire fire."

If only justice were as kind.

Count Olaf vanished after a jury of his peers overturned his sentence.

As for the Baudelaires, what lay ahead for them was unclear.

But one thing they knew, as they climbed once again into the back of Mr Poe's car.

They were moving on.

Don't worry, children.

I'm sure the authorities will catch up with Count Olaf very soon.

We'll all never have to deal with that terrible man again.

Before we leave, perhaps there's time for just one last stop.

"Violet, Klaus and Sunny." It's addressed to us.

Look at all these postmarks.

It's been to England and Rome and Kenya and Iceland.

I don't know where these are from. Who's it from?

Mom and Dad.

It's the letter.

The letter that never came.

"Dearest children, "since we've been abroad we have missed you all so much.

"Certain events have compelled us to extend our travels.

"One day, when you're older, "you will learn all about the people we have befriended

"and the dangers we have faced.

"At times the world can seem an unfriendly and sinister place.

"But believe us when we say that there is much more good in it than bad.

"All you have to do is look hard enough.

"And what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events

"may, in fact, be the first steps of a journey.

"We hope to have you back in our arms soon, darlings.

"But in case this letter arrives before our return, "know that we love you.

"It fills us with pride to know that no matter what happens in this life, "that you will take care of each other with kindness and bravery

"and selflessness, as you always have.

"And remember one thing, my darlings, and never forget it.

"That no matter where we are, know that as long as you have each other, "you have your family and you are home.

"Your loving parents."

Passing the torch is a rite of passage that can take many forms.

But perhaps the least known and most surprising is the passing of a spyglass.

Dear reader, there are people in the world who know no misery and woe, and they take comfort in cheerful films about twittering birds and giggling elves.

There are people who know that there's always a mystery to be solved, and they take comfort in researching and writing down any important evidence.

But this story is not about such people.

This story is about the Baudelaires.

And they are the sort of people who know that there's always something.

Something to invent, something to read, something to bite and something to do to make a sanctuary, no matter how small.

And for this reason, I am happy to say, the Baudelaires were very fortunate indeed.

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