Leprechaun's Revenge Page #2

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Son of a b*tch.

I knew it. You're cheating me,

old man!

Hey. What the hell is the matter with you?

You can't cheat at darts.

You can either throw the dart

in the bull's-eye, or you can't.

The only person who's ever

cheated you was the guy upstairs.

He cheated you out of any brains.

Knock it off, both of you.

It's all right. I got it.

Hey, O'Haras don't hustle.

Get out.

Who the hell are you?

Someone who can have

the Sheriff here in two minutes.

Now leave.

You heard the lady.

Hit the bricks.

You're hustling dart games now?

That's a new low.

Just separating a fool from his gold.

You want to play?

Pop, I...

I have something

I want to show you.

Do you know what that is?

Looked it up.

It says it's an ancient

curse from Ireland.

You pick a red four-leaf clover,

and you release an evil spirit.

If you don't get it in four days,

you're dead.

I picked one yesterday.

So, what do we do?

We're gonna need the luck

of the Irish.

Luck of the Irish?

What the hell does that even mean?

You're always legends and fairy tales,

but now something really real comes along,

and all you've got is the luck of the Irish.

What's the end of this fairy tale?

I don't need luck of the Irish!

I need answers!

Well, Karen...

The burn on your

hand is concerning,

but not nearly so much

as these blood work reports.

Why? What are they?

Your white blood cell count...

Through the roof.

And what does that mean?

It means your body is fighting off

a serious infection,

in this case,

a potentially deadly one.

The strange thing is,

you don't have a fever.

The rest of your blood work

is completely normal.

Are you superstitious?

- Karen, this is serious.

- So am I.

What are you talking about?

I think I'm cursed.

Don't tell me. You've been

listening to your pops again.

Karen, you know the man is...

What? Go ahead. Say it. A drunk.

My pops is a crazy drunk.

Everybody says it. I know it.

Do you know I believed in unicorns

until I was 12 because of him?

And all his stories

about Keening Woods being haunted,

all the goblins and fairy folk,

I'm starting to think he's right.

- I'm cursed.

- Karen...

- Be rational.

- Why? It's an irrational world.

You want to put me in a hospital for

three days, run every test in the book?

I'll be dead on the fourth day.

No, thank you.

Hey, Karen. Hi. Hey.

- Hey, Dax. What's up?

- Nothing.

You weren't in school today.

So, I got your calc homework

for you if you want.

Thanks.

Or, I can...

You need anything?

I can... Do you need...

I'll do whatever.

I... Or if you just

want to talk.

No, I'm fine, but thank you.

Dax, isn't that your closet door?

What? Yeah. Why?

Who's that?

Who's who?

That. Behind you.

Karen, that's not funny. You're freaking

me out a little bit, all right?

Dax, I'm not kidding.

You need to turn around.

There's something there.

Okay, Karen, that's not funny.

You're freaking me out.

- Stop it, all right? Don't do that.

- No, Dax! Get out of there!

I call you to check on you,

and you respond with some weird joke?

Dax, look out!

Hey, sicky, I said I have your calc

homework if you want it.

Good morning.

Good morning.

How are you feeling?

- Yeah? Better? Butter?

- Yeah.

Sweetheart, I want to ask you

a couple questions about the...

The thing that attacked you

in the woods the other day.

I want to know if you

can describe it...

- That's plenty.

- ...at all?

That's plenty of butter.

I don't know. It's hard. I...

I didn't really see it.

It's honey.

I couldn't find the syrup.

- It's gonna take a little time.

- it's good.

Are we talking about

like a wild dog?

A bear?

Wolf?

A person?

You shot a person?

No, not a person.

It was covered in roots.

It came up out of the ground.

Look, it looked like

one of those old drawings

of the guys with the goat feet and...

I sound crazy. I know.

You just sound like

you're traumatized is all.

Eat your waffle.

What's going on?

What is it?

A person went missing

in Keening Woods yesterday.

I'm on my way out there

now to check it out.

You didn't shoot them, too,

did you?

Dad.

The woods are off limits, all right?

Period.

You come home after school until we

find out what the hell this thing is.

All right.

- And eat the waffle.

- Go to work.

Come on, sicky.

Come get in the car.

Hey, Dax, thanks for giving me

my calc homework last night.

Sorry I was being so weird.

Yeah. No worries.

Hey, Karen,

I know you're not feeling too hot,

but would you want to come

and help us

with the float tonight after school?

Please?

I don't know.

Well, as St. Patrick's Day Parade Queen,

I could command you to do it,

but since you're not feeling too hot,

I'll just ask.

Yeah, I'll stop by for a little bit.

Awesome.

Me, too. I love decorating floats.

Cool.

Karen, you all right?

Let me out! Open the car doors!

Let me out now!

All right! All right!

Open the door right now!

I need to get out of the car!

Just open the door, please!

Where are you going?

Karen!

What is the matter with you?

Me? What is the matter with you?

Isn't it illegal to use your cop siren

thing to harass your little brother?

What? It's illegal to

read books in public now?

No. Don't be stupid.

What's wrong with you, huh?

Your phone broken?

No. Why?

Mom's been trying to call you

for three hours.

Well, Mom worries too much.

Yeah, I know, and you make it worse

because when she worries, she calls me,

and I have to drive all around town

looking for your ass...

Hey, search and seizure.

She doesn't have a warrant!

Just to tell you to put

your phone off mute.

All right. Sorry.

What are you reading?

MILF?

What the hell?

It's Medieval Irish Legends

and Folklore. M-I-L-F.

Why do you read

all this fantasy crap anyway?

I don't know.

I like reading the kind of crap where

guys like me actually get the princess.

You are the princess.

"Goblins, fairies,

and mischief makers."

- I'm reading it for a friend.

- Yeah?

Yeah, Karen O'Hara.

The Sheriff's daughter.

Dax, my boss.

You're trying to seduce my boss' daughter

with goblins, fairies, and mischief makers?

I'm not trying to seduce anybody.

I'm...

She's in trouble.

Okay?

So, she's in trouble

with goblins,

and you're trying

to save her with fairies and magic?

At least I don't

have to worry about you seducing her.

Thanks, sis. That's nice. Great sister.

Love you, too. The best.

Unit 169, we've got a possible 382

on Old Forest Road in Keening Woods.

Isn't that... Someone's gone missing?

Maybe. I got to go. Okay?

Yeah. Look who wants to be

the knight in shining armor now.

Very funny. Call Mom, smart-ass.

Call your mom.

That's your mom you're talking about.

Good luck with Karen.

Unit 214 checking in.

Who am I looking for, Carrie?

Molly Morris called in

again about Ian,

said he went missing on one

of his hunting trips yesterday.

Yeah, well, I found his car.

Probably just drunk again.

The Sheriff wants you

to check it out anyway.

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