Leprechaun's Revenge Page #5

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You can't kill fairy folk, son.

They're immortal.

- They're immortal? I should've known.

- Yeah. Don't be a wise ass.

How do we get rid of this thing?

- First, we find the four horseshoes.

- Okay.

And we put them together

in some kind of ancient configuration,

and it's supposed to stun the leprechaun.

I don't know.

Karen and what's-his-face

are looking it up on the Internet.

It's not like I do this

every day, Conor.

You Okay?

You mean

other than the ancient death curse,

and having to fight

a nature demon

when I don't know

what I'm supposed to be doing,

or you mean having a father

who's completely oblivious

to my blossoming womanhood

and trying to stifle my personal growth

because he can't let go?

Or maybe because my pops, the town drunk

who believes in goblins and fairies,

has actually turned out to be the one

who's completely right this entire time?

Life's a b*tch, huh?

Sorry.

No. I'm sorry.

It was a dumb question.

No, it wasn't. It's just...

Who gets haunted by a leprechaun?

What is that?

It's the stupidest thing I've ever

heard of, and it's happening to me.

It's like I'm trapped in some

bad monster movie and can't get out.

And to top it off, this thing's

probably just gonna kill me anyway.

Hey, it's not gonna kill you.

If this was a bad monster movie,

it would kill everybody, but you.

Small consolation.

When somebody gets you down,

it takes 42 muscles to frown,

but it only takes two muscles

if you reach out and pimp-slap them.

Are you suggesting

that I pimp-slap the leprechaun?

Yes. Yes, I am.

But you don't have to do it alone,

because I'm gonna be there

to pimp-slap the leprechaun with you.

It'll be like a double

pimp-slap deal, like...

Okay, I'm done talking. You talk.

You're better at it than me.

You and I make a pretty good team.

Yeah? You think so?

Yeah.

Wood.

What?

I mean a branch, a staff.

A branch, staff for the horseshoes,

for the pimp-slap.

And kissing me made you think of that?

No.

Give me that hammer.

Hey, remember when you were eight,

we went leprechaun hunting?

How could I forget?

I broke my arm that year.

You survived.

Now you wonder why

I don't want you taking Karen hunting.

She's more capable than you think.

And she's a lot less capable

than you think, Pop.

I was disappointed

we never found a leprechaun.

Well, Merry Christmas, son.

There's one now.

O'Hara, radio. Got a 1031 at

the Silver Shamrock Brewery.

We need backup units and EMS.

This is not good.

There's another one.

Unbelievable.

Look at that thing.

- What's that?

- It's bait.

Look at him move.

It's eating it.

Dad!

What are you doing?

Hello?

You all right?

Amanda?

Sheriff O'Hara, honey. It's Karen's dad.

Sweetie, it's...

All right. Let's get her out of here.

Get home safe.

Girl's not doing good,

keeps saying it was a monster.

- What the hell did you see in there?

- A leprechaun.

Lock it up for me, would you? Just...

It's long gone, son.

So how did you know

that sucker back there ate gold?

Well, I'm an O'Hara, Pop.

I'm smart like that.

The book says that the staff has to be

made out of oak, so this should work...

What?

Hey, you're gonna be all right. Okay?

You're not alone.

He's right.

You're not alone.

How are we gonna catch this thing?

There's only one person

I can think of who can help.

Who?

Who do you think?

All right.

So what do we know about this thing?

Well, if we had the fourth horseshoe,

we could use the four-leaf cleaver

long enough to bag it and bury it.

Otherwise, not so much.

Well, we're as ready as we can be.

Don't fear the wind

if your haystacks are tied down.

Wait. What did you just say?

- We're as ready as we can be.

- No, no. The other thing.

Don't fear the wind

if your haystacks are tied down?

I know where the fourth horseshoe is.

Okay. You look beautiful.

Hey. You know you don't have to do this.

Everyone would understand.

I know, but I think I need

it, and the town needs it.

Amanda.

Hey, Mom, do you still

have that horseshoe?

I think I could use some family luck.

Thanks, Mom.

Bye, Mom.

I love you, honey.

- What's this?

- I don't know.

What are you doing here?

I just called it in.

What are you talking about?

It's Mrs. McHenry.

Dad.

The parade.

Out of the way.

Jen!

Get out of here!

You all right?

I'm fine.

Is that thing dead? Are you all right?

- It's stunned.

- Fine. I'm fine.

- How's the kid?

- What's-his-face is dead.

What's-his-face?

He's dead?

Pop!

Where are you going? What are you doing?

That's not a souvenir!

See ya!

- He's taking it to Keening Woods.

- What?

That's where you bury monsters.

Fatality behind Malone's

Market in the alley.

The animal has been captured.

It's being transported

in a 1967 green Mustang.

Proceed with caution. Out of...

What are you...

No, let's go.

No "let's go." Out.

You're weak. You're tired.

Honey, you got a cut.

You probably need stitches.

I am fine. I do not need stitches.

Let's go.

No. What kind of father do you think I am?

Get out of the car.

You always think Pop is crazy

and dangerous, but you know what?

He let me shoot a gun when I was 10.

He let me climb Monroe Rock

without a rope when I was 11.

When I was 12, I was driving his truck.

And you know that boar

he tells everybody he took down? Bessie?

That was me.

He said he did that.

Yeah. Well, he was

afraid you'd be worried.

I...

Look, Pop taught me how to be strong.

But you taught me how to be smart.

Dad, please.

"Dad." Put on your seat belt.

Wait, Karen, before we go out there,

I just want you to know

that you've demonstrated

incredible moral fiber

and great courage, and I'm proud of you.

I know I've treated you

like a little girl,

and I've been way too overprotective

since we lost your mother.

I just want you to know

that you'll always be my baby,

but you are no little girl.

Tell me what happened to her. To Mom.

You said it yourself.

I'm not a little girl anymore.

What happened to her?

You were very young.

It was Black Friday,

the busiest shopping day of the year.

And we left you with Pop,

so your mother and I could buy you

a game console below retail cost.

It was an incredible value.

Dad, what happened to her?

Honey, there were

just so many people, all right?

I was fighting a woman and her son

for the last unit, and

the crowd surged,

and I lost her.

You what?

I couldn't find her.

I went to the lost-and-found,

and there was nothing.

I paged her every day for a year.

What good am I? I am a...

I'm a terrible husband.

I'm a real awful father,

and I am a really bad sheriff.

The whole town is dead,

and I can't even find my wife,

let alone catch a leprechaun, and...

Even a letter on my name tag is missing.

Who's Coner?

I'm Conor. How does that happen?

I don't know, Dad.

If anyone should be dead out there

right now...

Dad! No! Dad!

Dad!

Oh, my God.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I should have waited for you two.

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