Let's Be Cops

Yeah

I want it that way

Tell me why

Ain't nothin' but a heartache

Tell me why

Ain't nothin' but a mistake

Tell me why

I never want to hear you say

want it that way

Don't look at me when

you sing that part.

Feel it!

Ugh.

That way

Man,

that was pretty fun.

What happened, man?

It's not a solo group. I

needed you up there with me.

That's why none of those

kids had solo careers.

I meant us.

What are you

talking about?

Remember when we

first moved here...

and we said if we didn't make

it by the time we were 30...

we would move

back to Ohio?

Remember that?

Yeah.

We're 30 as sh*t

right now.

And tomorrow you're

gonna sell your game, J.

That's a guarantee, dude.

And also, they're running

my commercial again.

Why would you want

them to run that?

What do you mean?

It's great exposure.

Is it?

I have.

Wave.

Wave.

Genital herpes.

Dude, I got $11,000

from that commercial.

I've been living

off that for 2 years.

Oh, just go talk to her,

you p*ssy.

You want me to open for you? I do not.

I'll be happy

to open for you.

The last girl you had

sex with was 55 years old.

Don't bring Jane

into this, dude.

What was I

supposed to say?

"Hi, I'm a 30-year-old assistant

at a video game company.

"Wanna meet my roommate?"

L.A. doesn't work

like that, dude.

F***ing piece

of sh*t!

Come on, do not do this

to me right now, bro.

Piece of sh*t!

What the-!

I hear you, dude!

One second!

I don't need the lights

in my face. I hear you!

Should I reverse into

him? Absolutely not.

Just go!

What?

Oh, no, you gotta

be kidding me.

Oh, dude, it's bad.

That's real damage.

Hey,dude!

Don't touch car.

You hit my car.

Are you kidding me?

Ryan, chill.

I'll get proof.

What the f***?

You need to watch

who you take picture of.

Don't touch

my friend, man!

What? I said get away from my friend.

Ryan.

I need your

insurance information.

Hey! Whoa, whoa!

Hey, get their

plates, man!

They don't have plates!

Damn it.

Hey, nobody move.

You guys are all witnesses.

What's up, guys?

How's everybody doing?

Everybody's good?

Cool. Cool. Um...

This...

is a character-driven

action game.

But don't think

of it as a game.

Think of it as

a real life experience.

You are a cop,

put in real life-

Okay, stop. Stop.

Shut that sh*t off.

Okay.

Spare me

the corny gimmicks.

What's the game about?

Um, it's called "Patrolman."

Patrol-Man. Huh.

I like that. What kind of

superpowers does he have?

Check out

this girl's p*ssy.

Oh, no, it's a cop, so he doesn't

have any superpowers or anything.

What does he have?

Is he a vampire,

or anything original?

You know

what's original?

Firefighters.

Yes.

Firefighters? Okay.

Who wants to be a cop?

I wanna shoot at cops.

I don't wanna be one.

Good point.

If I can just show

you guys the game.

Cops are actually

really cool.

No, they're not.

Shut up.

You know what's

really cool?

Zombies.

I want you to start working on

"Firefighters versus Zombies."

That's genius.

Boom!

What if it was a war between

firefighters and zombies?

Post-apocalyptic.

Set it in New York City and destroy

Manhattan. Hey. You writing this down?

All right,

we can win this!

Razor-15! 1-4-5! Hut!

1 Mississippi, 2

Mississippi, 3 Mississippi...

I'm open!

5 Mississippi, 6

Mississippi, 7 Mississippi...

Come on,

I'm wide open!

Rock you like a hurricane

Are you ready, baby?

Here I am

Rock you like a hurricane

Eat sh*t, Joey.

Rock you like a hurricane

Here I am

Whoa, ho-ho!

Yes!

This is good.

Everybody, huddle up!

Tommy, you gotta

block a little bit.

Use your heart.

You block like a b*tch.

You're a ball hog!

Man up!

Joey, did you

see that sh*t?

Dude, that sh*t was tight.

Right?

Shut up, Joey.

Hey, don't tell him

to shut up.

Come on.

We're out of here.

Where are you

guys going?

Home!

What the f***, Ron?

It is a tie game!

You will not go pro

with that attitude, Ron!

You didn't go pro!

I got injured, man!

What's your excuse?

What do you do

all day, anyway?

What do you do all day?

Hang outwith Ron?

Shut up!

Why don't you

shut up, Ron?

Who is that guy?

Some loser.

He shows up every day and

he thinks he's our coach.

Ron's getting in my

f***ing head, dude.

Hello?

Ow!

Why would you do that?

Why'd you hit me

in the face?

You don'tjump

out on brothers.

We don't like that,

you know that!

I was just trying to show

you the costume for tonight.

God!

So how did we do today?

They... bought it.

Green light.

Yeah!

Oh, I'm so happy for you!

I knew it! Yeah!

And that's why we're going

to the party tonight in style.

Do you really

wanna do that?

It's gonna be like

a college reunion.

Yes!

I don't know, man.

I mean, they're throwing a costume

party in the middle of June.

That's what the e-vite said.

I don't know.

It doesn't make sense.

I'll tell you

what makes sense.

Us kicking ass and taking

names. We're ghosts.

You look ridiculous.

Then how about those?

My cop stuff?

No.

Why not?

No. Then how about this,

you f***ing downer...

Cops or ghosts?

Your choice.

We look ridiculous.

What are you talking

about? We look badass.

I feel like Danny Glover before

he got too old for this sh*t.

These vests are

really heavy.

Because they're

real bulletproof vests.

They are?

Yeah.

So all this is real?

Everything.

What about the guns?

Are the guns real?

Yeah, but they

don't fire.

What is the point

of that?

The police are here.

You idiot.

Why am I an idiot?

Because this is not a costume

party, it's a masquerade party.

That's the same thing.

Not the same thing.

Not the same thing.

Okay, relax.

Not the same thing.

Where are you going?

Hey, man! Congrats!

Oh, it's Justin!

Hey!

Ryan said you were a big

time video game designer now.

Oh.

I wouldn't say

big time...

but I

definitely work on games.

Come on! He said you just got

done selling some huge game!

What's it called? I'm

gonna tweet that sh*t out.

Um...

Patrolman versus Zombies...

Patrol-Man

versus Zombies, okay.

Versus Firefighters.

Patrol-Man versus Zombies

versus Firefighters.

Good seeing you.

What a game this has been.

It's been back and

forth the entire game.

Heck of a performance

from this guy...

Senior Quarterback,

Ryan O'Malley...

Hey, who's that

handsome guy?

O'Malley takes the snap,

avoids the blitz.

Nobody's open. O'Malley

is gonna take it himself.

He cuts across the field,

leaving Chandler in the dust.

He's at the twenty.

Two men to beat. Ten.

Five. Touchdown!

He made it! What a run!

O'Malley did it. He made it!

What a run!

Ryan O'Malley has just

delivered one of the greatest-

But I knew I could

beat the outside.

This has been a stellar

performance by O'Malley...

the young player

who we're hoping

to see a lot of

in the future...

O'Malley!

0h. yeah!

Oh! Everybody's here!

Great to see you guys!

I was just

watching the play.

What happened? We all thought

you would have gone pro.

Yeah, definitely.

You know, with the injury...

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes