Let's Be Cops Page #4

Yeah, man!

Because we're cops

Cops

Cops

Trying to earn a living

Hey, hey,

hey, shut up, actually.

Oh, sh*t!

We're fine. Relax.

Oh, sh*t!

Pull over! F***!

Oh, damn it.

Sh*t, we're gonna

go to jail.

I don't wanna go to jail.

I don't wanna braid hair.

They hide cell phones

in their butts. Shut up!

We're not going to jail. Just

relax. This will be interesting.

Here's what we're gonna do. On

the count of 3, I'm gonna bolt.

What?

Let's see if they can catch

us. What are you talking about?

Let me handle this. Don't say a

word. Don't do anything stupid.

You don't do anything

stupid. Don't do anything, Ryan.

Honestly, shut up.

Code 4, we're all clear.

Move on.

You don't have any plates

on your vehicle.

We're not sure

what to make of that.

We were on a 288.

While we were inside,

somebody stole our plates.

Is that right?

Mmm-hmm.

That's right.

So I said, Code four.

Move on.

Oh, sh*t.

I'm sorry, Sergeant.

I didn't see the stripes.

We've been getting a lot of

calls about stolen cop cars.

I'm Officer Segars,

this is Officer Jackson.

Sorry, Sergeant, we should

have called it in first.

Well, goddamn it, guys!

Don't let it happen again,

all right? That's amateur hour.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Look, I don't mean

to scold you.

I was young and

hungry once, too.

I get it.

I'm Officer O'Malley.

This is my best friend

and partner, Officer Chang.

Best friend, huh, and partner?

Oh, wish I could

say the same.

Listen, I'm kind of

embarrassed about this.

Is there any way I can make it

up to you? We're about to get off.

How about we take you guys out

and buy you a couple of drinks?

Oh...

To a cool cop bar?

Yeah, it's the coolest.

If you're buying, we're drinking.

I don't have any money on me.

Well, yeah,

the first round.

I'm sorry. Unfortunately,

we're a little tired.

We had a long day,

so we're-

I don't know if you

guys got the memo...

but Chang here is

a bit of a whang.

Hey, let me tell you something.

Jackson here is no peach either.

Non-stop donut farts.

Never a dull moment,

am I right, Sarge?

6- Adam-7. We got a

Code 30 at Ace Hardware.

Dude,no!

We're Code 6. Let's go.

No,no,no.

What are you doing?

We're getting their six.

No, we're not!

Wanna take the lead

on this, Sarge?

Me? No, you guys

go ahead.

I'm gonna evaluate you guys,

individually and as a team.

Go. We got eyes on you.

Holy sh*t.

LAPD!

Los Angeles

Police Department!

Shh, shh.

Let's go.

No,no,no.

Don't you crawl.

I'm crawling.

Ow.

What?

What did you do?

I don't know.

Two here.

Okay, great.

Copy that.

What is he saying?

They're going in

from the west perimeter

and we're going to

the east perimeter.

No, we're not going to

any perimeter. Copy that.

Dude, Ryan!

No,no,no!

Your gun's fake.

Let's go.

Shut the f*** up.

Your gun's not real.

Don't touch

a shooter's arm!

Come on,

pig motherfuckers!

Don't call us pigs!

Where did you get that?

You wanna get weird,

let's get weird.

Oh, my God!

Hold on!

Hold it!

Hold it.

Hold it.

Just take off, all right?

We're not gonna chase you.

Stay right here.

We are gonna chase you.

Do not listen to him.

He's an idiot.

He's an idiot.

You can go.

We are police officers.

I promise you

we won't chase you.

I promise we

will chase you,

and I promise I'll

catch you, you rat.

Don't look at him.

I swear to you...

I pinky swear,

we will not chase you.

I pinky swear.

Just touch it.

He almost did it!

Oh, my God.

Okay.

Let me just

get this straight.

Did you just

pinky-swear with a perp?

Yeah.

That's the most embarrassing

thing I've ever lived through!

What are you talking about?

Did you see how strong he was?

He looked like Pacquiao

and Fabio had a baby!

Take him, Sarge,

take him!

Go ahead. This one's all you. Nope.

Go ahead.

Nope.

You got it, Sarge!

Watch and learn.

I came in like a wrecking ball

Oh, sh*t!

I never hit so hard at love

AH I wanted was

to break your walls

on, my God!

AH you ever did

was wreck me

Oh, my God!

Yeah, you, you wreck me

Wait, wait, wait.

Hold, hold, hold.

Let me up!

Let me up!

Come here.

There you go!

Way to go, Chang!

Where is the other guy?

What?

What other guy? What

are you talking about?

The other perp.

I think it was

just that guy.

You pinky swear

about that?

There were 2.

Yeah, 2.

Let's find them

then, guys! Come on!

You take the front, we'll

take the back, all right?

Yep, absolutely.

All right.

All right!

Chang. Do not

Tom Cruise run.

Yeah!

Whoo! That is living, man!

I still taste that guy's

sweat in my mouth.

Congratulations. That is

the taste of victory, man.

It's your first

collar, dude.

Dude, that was

way too close.

Seriously. What's the

worst that could happen?

"Simply wearing

a police badge is

"punishable by 1 year

minimum in a federal-"

What the f***?

"The use of official

police equipment...

"is punishable by up to 2 years

in a federal penitentiary."

"Driving a vehicle with red

or blue lights is punishable...

"by up to 3 years imprisonment

and $200,000 fine."

What about a whole

damn police car?

Everybody get down

Which one of you little pricks

asked me what I do all day?

I'm a cop.

Joey, hop 'm.

Out of my way.

Take a lap, little boys.

He's a cop, Ron!

He ain't sh*t!

I love it, man.

Look, you had a great

shift. You keep it up...

and I'll give you

that badge I promised you.

What the hell

have you been doing?

Jesus, you scared

the sh*t out of me.

And who is this?

It's Joey.

He's our intern.

Ryan, are you insane?

No.

We could go to jail

for years for this sh*t.

And now you have

a little kid involved?

Who's this b*tch?

I will slap that little

afro off your head.

You're good. Dude,

this is it, all right?

Take the uniform off.

We're throwing them away.

We are done. Seriously.

You wanna retire?

Sh*t.

This is Chang.

You're good.

I need you to come down

here right away. I'm at Georgia's.

Wait. What's wrong, Josie?

Please come down as

soon as you can. Hurry.

Yeah, but just

tell- Hello?

Damn it.

Did you hear that?

Looks like we're coming

out of retirement, homeboy.

We gotta go around back

to surprise them.

All right,

here's what we're gonna do.

I'm gonna bum-rush in, I'm

gonna say my killer line...

then you come in and

repeat everything I said.

No.

Ready, and...

Yippee-ki-yay, b*tches!

Everyone down!

Yippee-ki-yay, b*tches...

Everyone...

So you're the new

sheriffs in town.

Acting all hard

when I'm not here.

Well, I'm here now.

Huh.

Are you the

new boyfriend?

Can I talk to you

for a second, please?

All right, boyfriend.

All right.

My buddy's

gonna handle this.

Okay?

That's real steel. You

don't mess with the Chang.

Listen, you gotta

leave her alone now.

I'm not even talking to you

like a police officer.

This is just me talking

to you like a regular guy.

So this is you

without a badge?

Yeah. It's just

man-to-man.

Okay, let's backtrack a

little bit. So I'm a cop now-

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