Let's Be Cops Page #5

You did it again. Yep.

You think you can

f*** with my business?

Are you threatening me?

I'm a cop, a**hole.

You ain't sh*t.

What? You wanna jump?

Come on, b*tch,

let's go.

Let's do it.

Come on, let's go.

Jump.

You're not

worth the paperwork.

I'm the law here.

Back off...

of everything.

Next time you come

to a call like this...

who knows?

Bullets fly.

Cops get hit all the time.

All right, so

we're just gonna come clean

and tell these

guys everything.

Everything except for the fact that

we've been pretending to be cops.

What? No.

It's called

taking responsibility.

This sh*t has

gone way too far.

It sounds stupid, man.

It's not stupid.

It is stupid.

It's smart. By principle, it's stupid.

Justin, you could still

stop right now. Shut up.

Hi. Listen I don't know

where to begin-

I should probably do the talking here

- Shh.

I guess we want to

file a police report.

Mmm-hmm.

What kind of report?

Uh, he and I have been pretending to

be cops for the past couple of weeks.

Excuse me?

t sounds crazy.

Mmm-hmm.

Yeah. it started out

just as fun...

but now we're in a lot of

trouble and we need help.

From real cops.

Hold on a second

there, Angie.

Don't believe

a word these guys say.

Oh, f***.

These guys are a couple

of real jokers!

Let me guess.

You guys came down here to help

me fill out all that paperwork...

you ditched us with

the other night, am I right?

That's right, yeah.

No.

Good to see you guys

again. Come on back.

We're gonna go back.

This guy is a rascal.

No, I'm being serious.

We're really not cops.

That's not funny.

George Segars, he said

don't worry about it.

Help me. Please!

See you, Angie.

We're not cops.

It's not funny.

His name's

Mossi Kasic.

He's top of the shitlist.

I'm surprised you guys

haven't heard of him.

I deal with guys like this

on a daily basis, Segars.

I hear you, Sarge

but this guy is different.

He runs a crew,

preys on local shop owners...

and immigrants like himself.

He muscles in...

takes co-ownership

of the businesses...

and then uses it for money

laundering and whatnot.

He's an animal.

Hey, beautiful.

You can't reason

with him, can't talk to him.

He loves to fight.

He lives for it.

He's got this crazy temper.

He can snap,

just like that.

It's all right.

He's taken down

some big scores.

Every time we raid his

place, though... nothing.

We can't find

anything on the inside.

I gotta say,

I want this guy bad.

It's good to hear.

I want him bad, too.

I think about it every night. Me, too.

I just lay awake,

staring at the ceiling...

just thinking about

different ways to nail him.

I'm obsessed with

nailing this dude.

I wanna put him up on the wall, you know, and just

"What's my name?"

That's right.

Anyways, that's probably

never gonna happen.

What's going on, guys?

Nothing. We were just

talking about Mossi.

Nobody in the community's

gonna testify against him...

and without hard evidence,

we got nothing.

So why don't we

do surveillance?

Believe me, I'd love to do that, but

it's a little bit above my pay grade.

Right.

However...

between you and me,

Sarge... Everything is.

This station has

a shitload of equipment.

I'm talking about wiretaps,

pinhole cameras,

anything you want,

I can get for you.

I want all of it.

All right.

Let's do it. Yeah!

Hey, Sarge, Brothers in

Blue, should we sing it?

Sing what? It's the

academy song. Come on.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Fire it up.

Brothers in blue

That's good. This guy

never stops, does he?

There's a police song?

I gotta learn that.

You're a f***ing idiot.

We were supposed

to turn ourselves in

and now your

checking out equipment?

Dude, you heard the cop.

It's up to us to get this guy.

He is the devil's nephew.

We're not going

near that guy!

So let me

get this straight.

You finally meet

a girl that you like...

and she likes you, and then

some douchebag comes around...

and says that you

can't be with her...

and your first

thought is to run away?

Yes. He said

he would kill me.

I'm not gonna let

you run away, man.

You know what?

What?

You wanna know

what people say about you?

I know what they say.

ButlhavenW felt like

this in a long time.

I'm good at this.

I need you, man.

I need you to...

I need you to

believe in me, man.

Please.

I'm in.

Were you about to cry?

Yeah, I don't

wanna talk about it.

I got misty, my heart

started pumping fast.

So how are we

gonna find this guy?

This is it.

God, I'm getting good

at this detective stuff.

Is that why you're

wearing that suit?

Oh, yeah, I got promoted.

You promoted

yourself again?

Yeah. I'm a detective.

What do you think

they're doing in there?

I don't know, man. Something

shady, that's for sure.

Let's see if we can get

inside and open those doors.

Let's see if we

don't do that.

Listen, Chang...

you've gotta stop

being such a p*ssy, okay?

Yeah, no sh*t.

Dude...

I will whoop

your little ass.

You will not touch his

ass. I will hit him.

Don't you

f***ing hit me.

Don't!

Oh, perfect.

If I wasn't involved in a case

right now, I would light you up.

That right there, that apartment,

that's our vantage point.

But somebody

lives in there.

Justin, then they

better have good food...

becausetheyWe about to be

involved in their first stakeout!

No.

Police business,

open up now.

Hi.

Hi.

You are a fox,

aren't you?

Detective?

Absolutely,

that's my title.

Dude.

Uh, ma'am, we're gonna need to come inside

and talk to you for a minute, please.

Oh.

All right.

Oh, yeah.

It smells like

a fish farted in here.

Look at that bald one.

He looks super racist.

Like he snores

the "N" word at night.

I've seen every

cop show ever.

I'm so excited we're going

to be doing this together.

Yeah.

Just so we're clear, there's

no "we" in this situation.

Don't be a dick.

I can still be a part of

the team though, right?

Absolutely.

No.

Also, I'm not

on ecstasy.

No way.

I've had some very

dramatic relationships.

My therapist says I need

to meet a more stable guy.

I love a man in uniform.

You do?

Sure.

I don't like this.

I did a three-way once

with two paramedics.

Ma'am, I'm going to need

you to go to your room.

All right.

Alone.

You do not know

what vibage is, pal.

Why would you do that?

I think she's an interesting lady and

she's got a lot to offer this team.

We are doing surveillance.

We don't have time.

Ow.

All right,

we got action, people.

Oh, good work, Joe.

Who is that?

I think he's the boss.

Take photos

of his henchmen.

You got good ones?

How fun is this?

I'm sorry to bother you,

but I need some help.

It's my bubble bath.

It's not wet enough.

No.

Yes. That's our

civic duty.

No, it's not. Focus.

We would love to help

you, ma'am, but we can't...

because we're on a case and

we take ourjob seriously.

That is so hot.

You're so hot.

Listen to me very carefully.

I need you to lay low.

Very low.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes