Let's Be Cops Page #6

For now.

The Dominicans are

going to make the delivery.

And you're not going to do

sh*t with it until I say so.

Understood?

You gonna keep

everything underground.

Underground?

What is he talking about?

Deliver what?

I don't know.

What's this?

This is the shipment.

This is our evidence.

How do you know that?

Because it's a cargo van,

and these are all bad guys.

These guys are

terrible-looking people.

Open it.

Oh...

Sh*t.

So?

They tell me their badge

numbers don't match up.

Which tells me one thing.

They're not LAPD.

Oh, we're dead.

So, what are they?

Feds, ATF,

maybe a special unit.

What?

Yeah, we're

black ops, dude.

So, you're going to be invisible

until I can figure it out.

Just to be clear...

if that little

guy wasn't here...

some serious weird sh*t

would be going on right now.

What kind of weird sh*t?

You are an

acrobatic angel, aren't you?

Ah.

Joey, turn around.

Oh!

Okay.

There she goes.

Boom, we got them.

Now what's

in those crates?

I'm seeing it the same time you're

seeing it. How would I know that?

I need to narrate it, because that's

what you do in these situations.

You see something and one

of the guys says it out loud.

And the other guy, you,

is supposed to go, "Yeah."

Oh, sh*t, dude. We gotta

know what's inside those crates.

So, what do we do now?

Joey, watch the fort.

Where are you going?

Wait a minute,

actually.

Oh...

That is so hot.

There he is.

This is a terrible idea.

Is it?

Dude, are you kidding?

No.

He's a gang member.

Exactly.

Relax, I'm just

gonna go talk to him.

I will not relax.

You're an idiot.

I got this.

Hello.

You have the right to remain

silent...

Here we go.

Justin, help me now!

Anything you say can be used

against you in a court of law.

You have the right

to an attorney.

If you can't afford an

attorney, one will be appointed-

He's biting my neck!

He's biting my neck!

Ow!

Can I talk

to you for a second?

Sure.

What the f***!

We've gotta find out

what's in those crates.

Are you kidding me?

I'm not-

No!

Get in!

Get in the car!

Okay-

So we're

kidnapping people now?

No, Justin, it's called

an interrogation.

Where are we going

to interrogate him?

He's just a

friend. He's just a friend.

We gotta get the information out

of him about what's in those crates.

He doesn't even

speak English, dude.

Then we torture him.

You're the mysterious one.

You have to be bad cop.

So now I'm torturing him?

Hey, who said anything

about torture, Your Honor?

You just did 3 seconds

ago. Shut up,dude.

This is

a serious moment.

Make him talk.

You can do it.

All right.

You can do it!

Yeah, born ready!

Listen to me,

you little dick-snatch-

What was that?

He spit in my face.

He's not afraid of me.

You know what, then

make him afraid of you.

Reservoir Dogs, dude.

Gut the ear.

Be realistic for once.

Lift up that side.

I'm trying.

What's in those crates?

What's in those crates?

This is not how

you waterboard.

Yes it is! Have you

seen Zero Dark Thirty?

No, but I know

how to waterboard, though.

Stop drinking it!

What the hell, man?

It's sad what you're trying

to do. It's embarrassing.

All right.

I hate Mossi.

Everybody does. I'll tell

you anything you want to know.

Just stop this sh*t!

Why didn't you

say that before?

And that you

spoke English.

You didn't ask. You guys

pulled me out of my truck.

You drag me across

the f***ing ground.

That's on me.

You throw me in

the back of a cop car.

Point the guns in my face!

Look, maybe we got off

on the wrong foot here.

Yeah, maybe.

You want a beer?

Yeah, beer sounds good.

What's your name?

My name is Pupa.

If we untie you,

do you promise

not to freak out

and kill us?

I promise not

to freak out.

Ah, man!

For real, I don't know

what's in those crates.

But Mossi paid some heavy

cash for whatever's in there.

But how do we find out?

Mossi's having one of his parties

tonight. I hear sh*t gets crazy.

At least 3 people die,

everytime he has a party.

What?

Those crates will be there...

but if you wait until tomorrow

that sh*t's going to be gone.

So we gotta do it tonight.

You gotta do it tonight.

Sh*t, this game

is gangster!

Really? Gangster?

It is, man, I tell you.

Where can I buy this thing?

You see, Pupa,

it's kind of complicated.

There's a lot that goes

into making games these days.

Oh, Justin.

A lot of politics. I'm

talking to a lot of people.

It sounds like you bitched

out, is what it sounds like.

You gotta go in there

and fight for your sh*t.

Don't you believe

in yourself?

You gotta go in

there and tell them...

"This is my game. We're

going to do it my way.

"Put the game out there now,

for people to buy it."

I gotta say, we have

to get into that party.

We gotta get in

that party tonight.

I don't understand

what you're saying.

When you start getting excited,

your English escapes you...

and you get really

native in your tongue.

How do we get

into that party?

When I'm speaking English but it still

sounds like...

Like that, I don't what you're saying.

You didn't get

any of that?

Que'?

You didn't get any-

Qu?

Holy sh*t.

What?

What?

This is gonna sound

a little bit weird...

But you two could

pass as brothers.

Ew! No,

this guy's gross!

No offense.

No offense?

You just said, "Ew."

The last person who said,

"Ew" to me, was my mother.

Hmm.

You guys know

where she is right now?

Heaven?

You got it.

Heaven.

Hopefully from

natural causes?

If me getting angry and doing

something foolish is natural causes...

then yes.

You look handsome.

Thank you.

A great-looking guy.

Now I'm here to play war.

Hey,Chang.

How do I make you...

look like him?

Sh*t.

How much time we got?

Uh...

Shut up.

I need a water, three bowls and a

lemon peel. Come on, people, let's go!

That's my girl.

She said she'd done a three-way

with a couple of paramedics.

Mmm-hmm I think this the marrying type.

Sounds like it to me.

All right.

Are you ready?

We're ready.

Oh, ho-ho.

That's handsome.

Well...

I look like someone hit me

in the face with Lil Wayne.

Lil Wayne!

He made a joke

about Lil Wayne!

Oh, sh*t! That's funny.

Hey, Josie, I gotta say

you're one heck of an artist.

Thank you.

You're fine, too, girl.

Yeah, she's pretty.

Josie, Josie,

look at me. Look at me.

Don't do intense right now. Okay.

You're crazy fine,

that's all I'm saying.

That's a

compliment, now let it go.

Just gonna

say one more thing.

I wouldn't, though,

is what I'm saying.

I promise it's

going to be okay.

I mean, I would like

to take off your dress...

and put my

penis inside of you.

I'd really like to

get all up in that sh*t.

No, like in her

vagina, though.

I know, but you can't

say that. Appreciate it.

I wouldn't put

it in your butt.

I gotta go. PUPA: And

a good day to you, madame.

Do you think I could put "Undercover

sting operation for the LAPD" on my resume?

Absolutely.

Did you see when I said

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