Let's Go to Prison Page #6

hand it to you, buddy.

You're a bigger man

than I thought you were.

They beat you up,

they robbed you

of your dignity,

they pissed in your food,

but they didn't break you.

And with the

revolving-door policy

of today's prison system,

you're probably gonna

get paroled tomorrow.

They pissed in my food?

What difference

does it make?

You're getting out tomorrow

and I'm proud of you.

Really?

Really.

In fact,

I snuck you in

a going-away present.

Good luck at your hearing.

I'll see you in 1-to-3.

Thank you, John.

Okay.

Couldn't have made it

in here without your help.

Why is it

already opened?

I opened it for you.

What for?

'Cause I'm a great guy

and I know

you had a real tough day.

You don't trust me?

After all

we've been through?

One friend can't give

another friend a soda

without that friend

thinking

the second friend

put a roofie in it?

Wow.

Well, that hurts, pal.

That hurts.

I've been

looking out for you

for almost a year now,

and then I bust my nuts

getting you

this goddamn fruity soda

and you think

I'm up to something?

Well, screw you, pal.

I thought we were friends.

I'm sorry, John.

God, this place

has really done

a number on me.

It has.

We are friends.

In fact, you might be

the best friend I've ever had.

That's it. Get it all.

Go for it.

The taste of freedom.

Oh, John, what would

this world be like without...

(RETCHING)

All right,

maestro, come on,

let's get him out of here.

We got to

put his new face on.

Wake up, Biederman.

Parole board's waiting.

Let's go.

So, Mr. Biederman,

do you feel you're ready

to re-enter society?

Absolutely.

Prison's made me a new man.

When I get out of here,

I intend to stand up

for what I know is right.

JOHN:
When the parole board

gets through with der Fhrer,

two things

are going to happen.

One, they're gonna file

his early release form

right in between

Charles Manson

and the Unabomber's.

And two,

Nelson's going to

be pissed as hell at me.

Why'd you do it, John?

Amigo, I did it

for your own good.

Now hear me out

on this one, all right?

Listen, you got to sandbag

your first parole hearing,

because...

Okay, you want to know why?

I knew your dad.

What?

Yeah. The judge.

The man who made me

who I am today.

The same man who's going

to kill you right now.

What would you call that?

I'd call that pretty crazy,

isn't it?

No! It's ironic!

The word you want

is "ironic"!

(SCREAMS)

All right, cut the sh*t!

Get up, you mothers.

Get up, get up now!

Get him up against the wall!

Go, go, go!

(TASER GUNS BUZZING)

Get up! Get up!

You two pussies

gonna have a cage match

and I don't even

get an invitation?

Wow, that's selfish.

That's selfish.

'Cause goddamn it,

I want a front-row seat

to that catfight.

You two want to

kill each other?

Great, stupendous.

Save everybody else

around here the hassle.

But this is my prison.

I schedule the

extra-curricular activities.

And if you two

are going to fight,

I need some time

to get some action going.

So, how's...

How's Friday sound, huh?

Friday good? Say, rec yard?

Fight to the death?

Does that work for

you two d*ckheads?

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Sounds like a yes to me.

Sounds like a yes.

Wait.

What do I win if I win?

If you lose, you die.

If you win, you die.

The difference is

I kill the winner.

It'll be quick.

JOHN:
In one year,

I've proven that the machine

can warp a law-abiding,

spineless sack of sh*t

like Biederman

into a totally violent,

psychopathic and lethal

sack of sh*t.

The only flaw in my plan was

now I'm locked in a cage

with him.

Friday, the yard.

John versus Nelson.

Fight to the death.

Yeah, fight's gonna

takes place on the cistern.

Uh-huh.

That's awesome.

Hey, how much does

brain damage pay?

GUARD:
Brain damage?

I don't know.

You gotta ask Shanahan.

He's taking the bets.

I'll put two cartons

on Richie Rich

taking Lyshitski down.

And this, too, fool.

Brain damage, three to two,

ear bit off, even money,

ear cut off, seven to five.

Damn,

you can cover

all that action?

Sure.

Only took me a second

to get the cash.

Second mortgage.

(WHISTLES)

Biederman,

you got a visitor!

(TASER GUN BUZZING)

(SCREAMS)

You're really getting

liberal with the Taser.

Congratulations, Barry.

I'm glad they let you out.

Parole board say

I seem like a new man.

I told them it was

all because of you.

Baby,

you the Ashford

to my Simpson.

The Peaches to my Herb.

The Shields to my Yarnell.

(SHUSHING)

Barry, you should be happy.

Barry, you're free.

You know

I can't be happy

without you, baby.

I was just thinking

about going postal over

at the Popeye's Chicken

so I can get locked

back up in here with

my sweet little Pisces.

I got to get you out.

That's very kind of you,

Barry,

but you've got

to listen to me.

The only way that

I'm getting out of here

is in a body bag.

It had better be a body bag

for two, goddamn it,

'cause I wanna be sewn

right in there with your ass.

That's very sweet, Barry.

I wish

there were something

I could do for you.

You're the closest thing

to family I've ever had.

Family...

Actually, Barry,

there is something

I can do for you.

Damn it.

Damn it!

WOMAN:
Mr. Hinkley, you have

a telephone call on line one

and there's a gentleman

here to see you.

He doesn't

have an appointment.

Well, tell him to wait.

Hello.

NELSON:
Hello, Duane.

Nelson, is that you?

You allowed to make

phone calls now?

Only to my lawyer.

I want out. Now.

I'm sorry, sir.

There's nothing we can do.

Our hands are tied.

Well, in that case,

I'll just have to

turn control

of the Foundation

over to my son

and, in accordance with

the Foundation's charter,

he'll be the one running

things for me until I'm out.

I'm sorry,

did you say your son?

Oh, I adopted a young man

I met in prison. He's out now.

Everything's nice

and legal, Duane.

I think

you'll enjoy working for him.

He's a real sweetheart.

(BANGING ON DOOR)

What the hell are you doing

in my office, biatch?

Mr. Shanahan.

Sir.

If you have knowledge

of anything untoward

happening amongst

the inmate population,

I will not hesitate

to put your ass in a grinder!

(CLEARING THROAT)

I'm just tugging

your nuts.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Oh.

Give me 50 bucks

on that preppy a**hole.

Oh, Warden, that is

my sense of humor

right there, Warden.

(INMATES CLAMORING)

All right!

You both know the rules!

Whoever dies first loses!

CROWD:
Nelson! Nelson!

Nelson! Nelson!

MAN 1:
Get your ass up!

MAN 2:
Get him!

Get him, man!

Laotian-style.

Yeah?

I like Cambodian rules.

(GRUNTING)

Wow, that is so cool.

I saw a dress made

out of credit cards

in Vanity Fair

a couple of years ago.

That's what

gave me the idea.

I like it.

I got one for you.

(SCREAMING)

What is that?

Industrial disinfectant.

They got a sh*t load

in the workroom.

See you in hell, Lyshitski!

You bet, bud.

Don't do it, John.

I won't if you won't.

You know, you taught me

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