Let's Kill Ward's Wife Page #3

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the time in the world to plan it out.

All right. A...

that's just a trial separation.

We're just trying to work things out.

Okay. Sure, sure.

What's B?

Nobody loves you.

Hey, there he is.

Hi, Bruce. How are ya?

Good. How are you?

Good. How was golf?

Oh, I didn't make it today.

It's father's day, so I'm gonna

spend it with my family.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

My kids called me earlier.

They're in Arizona, right?

Very good. Scottsdale.

With their mother.

Hey, I was thinking, next time

you guys go hit the links,

maybe I could dust off my clubs

and, uh, play a round with you?

I'll let you know. All righty.

You know, I got a badge.

I flash that thing,

we're gonna get

a hell of a discount.

Okay. All right.

I will see you later.

Good times, man. I know.

It's okay to have

a life, you know.

I mean, have something

outside of your family.

That balance is important.

I know. I just wish...

I wish Stacy had

something else to focus on

other than just Ramone.

Like a hobby or a friend.

Just something.

Please. She's a dick.

Yes, I know. I know she is.

I'll need backup.

Okay. Great idea.

Hey!

Oh, my god. You look great.

Who picked this place?

The parking sucks!

Really? I found

a spot right away.

Huh? It doesn't seem that full.

Yeah, well, it was full for me,

and he hates elevators,

and the stairs

smell like piss, and...

Where's Larry?

Your kid.

Charlie.

I-I thought you said you didn't

want us to bring the kids.

Yeah, like a girls' lunch.

Should we go home now? No.

- No!

- Yes.

And just know, it does

get better every day.

I know everybody says that,

but it's true.

And when they start to talk,

it's so cute.

Yeah, but when they start to

talk, they don't shut up, right?

I... I know for me,

once Charlie started

sleeping in his own room,

things got a little better.

Oh, Ramone doesn't sleep

in his own room.

No, the only place he can

fall asleep is here, on me.

Yeah, but then you put him in his

bed after he's asleep, right?

Yeah, so he can wake up

and cry? No.

You're not afraid you're gonna roll

over on him in his sleep or something?

Some days I wish I would.

I'm kidding.

God.

No. Years ago, I trained myself

to be a back sleeper, you know?

'Cause ward's a spooner, and...

I can't even stand the

thought of him touching me.

I miss spooning.

I'm sorry you guys

are having such a tough time.

It's just hard for me to be with

someone who has no direction

or no passion.

We don't connect, and...

whatever.

It's tough. On me, on lily.

I know how you feel.

I mean, it's different.

We connect. We just...

We don't, um,

have that spark, you know?

What's that smell?

Do we smell that?

Mm. I think it's, uh...

Yeah, it's not me who took

the big dump in his pants,

it's Ramone.

Do you wanna go change him?

Yeah.

He doesn't mind a dirty diaper.

Unless you do?

What's up? Hey.

So I've been looking into it.

Into what?

What's up, ken? What's up, Ron?

What we were talking about

with ward's wife.

Uh, I don't know. You know.

No, I don't know. If I knew,

I would've said,

"oh, yeah, right. I know."

What the f*** you talking about?

About killing her.

Hey, Ashley. Hi, Ronnie.

Do you have a f***ing wire loose?

We were kidding.

I'm just saying that... that, uh,

the conversation inspired me.

That kind of sh*t

fascinates me, you know?

The mind of a serial killer.

Bro, she's an a**hole, right?

Yeah.

Yeah. And when people are a**holes,

we talk about wanting them dead,

but we don't actually

want them f***ing dead.

What the f*** is wrong with you?

Hey, Tina. Hi, Ron.

Do you know everyone here?

Is that...

How do you think

I make a living?

I train all these people.

I'm at work right now, bro.

You train all these people?

Not yet.

That's how it starts.

I do a couple push-ups,

I sit here in a beater.

They're like, "oh, hey, hi.

You're a trainer?

Oh, my god, I'm so fat.

I totally needed a trainer."

Next thing you know, they're

paying me two hundo an hour

to, uh, basically teabag them

while they bench press.

And there's something wrong

with me?

Hey, man, I'm a pervert. I'm not talking

about trying to f***ing kill somebody.

Oh, sh*t.

It's not like I'd do it.

It just...

it's just interesting to think

about how you'd get away with it.

That's all.

I could love you

you could love me

don't forget my dreams

dreams

hi, daddy.

Hello. Hello.

Can you believe it? Like,

it's been a year. It's crazy.

I know. It's crazy, right?

It's like he was born last week.

Time flies when you're

not stuck at home

every day for the baby.

Yeah, but... but it's fun.

Sure. We have fun

when daddy abandons us.

Right? We have fun.

What's wrong with you?

Are you sick?

No, I'm fine.

You make my baby sick, and...

I'm not sick.

It's cake time, ward.

Wrap it up.

It's cake time, guys, so...

Dude, what the hell? What?

She's crazy. She's just

worried about the baby,

that's all.

Howdy, neighbor.

Hey, Bruce, how's it going?

Good. Thank you for coming.

Thank you for having me. Yeah.

I'm sorry. Tom.

Good to see you, man.

Hey, guys. How are you? Ronnie.

You met Geena, right? Yes, yes.

Good to see you.

You too. Ward keeps threatening

to take me golfing with you guys.

Next time you go out,

you gotta let me know.

Yeah. We'll do that.

I play from the tips.

Okay.

Oh.

Yeah, yeah. Cake time.

Stop it. It's half a Benadryl.

He'll be fine.

I understand that. I've done it before.

He'll be fine.

I just don't think

it's really...

Tom?

- Hello?

- Is this tom?

Speaking. Hey.

Hey.

You don't know who this is.

No, I'm sorry. I don't.

Well, we had

a really nice meal together

a little while ago,

the result of which was

a fairly bland article

in your magazine.

Yeah, of course. Um...

It's work.

Robin? Robin peters?

Am I interrupting something?

No, you're not interrupting anything.

Hi. How are you?

A little out of

my comfort zone, actually.

I was waiting

for you to call me,

and when the call never came...

Uh, well, I-I, uh...

I thought that we had

a really nice time together.

We did have a nice time.

Yeah, I enjoyed it.

You enjoyed it?

I really liked it, actually.

Did you think

about it afterwards?

Of course. Yeah. I mean, uh...

I thought that we made

a real connection.

Yeah. I felt it.

Uh, the connection.

Well, I think we should

see each other again.

I'd like that...

to see you again, yeah.

Maybe for a more

in-depth interview?

Definitely. Something deeper.

This is my cell.

Call me on Tuesday.

Okay. I will.

I'll... I'll call you Tuesday.

Good-bye, tom. Good-bye.

You got a hot date, tom?

You scared the sh*t out of me.

Oh! I'm sorry. What'd you say?

A hot date. Tuesday, was it?

I don't know

what you're talking about.

I wouldn't blame you.

I never thought you and Geena

would make it, you know.

She's too, uh,

boring and desperate.

Not that those

are bad qualities, but...

Okay. Time out. That was work.

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