Let's Kill Ward's Wife Page #5

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um, use a fake name

or a disguise.

That's a pain in the ass.

It is.

Oh! This is good. All right.

Now, depending on what type of equipment

you've got here in the house,

we could grind her

almost completely down.

Like just, send her on down the sewer.

Right down into the drain.

It's gonna take a little longer.

You do run the risk of alerting

the neighbors to the noise,

uh, of the machinery,

or the smell...

but, we would keep it

all in the house.

You don't like that one. No.

He doesn't like that.

All right.

Is that it? I mean, unless

anybody knows anyone with access

to an incinerator. No, I don't.

I... no.

Well, then, that's it. I am partial

to dismembering and burying.

I think it's the easiest, especially

if we separate the pieces.

It will just be

the hardest to trace.

I agree. I agree. Ladies?

Go with the first choice.

Oh, good.

Ward? Yeah. Totally agree.

Okay. We should chop

her up and bury her.

Great. That's what

I wanted to hear. Okay.

So tomorrow we're gonna

reconvene here before golf...

wait.

You're playing golf tomorrow?

We have a 3:
00 tee time.

Everything needs to appear

completely normal

so that when we alert the police

to the fact that

Stacy's disappeared,

we'll have no questions.

I can't remember the last time

I played golf with these guys.

It is gonna be fun. Cool.

Right, now tom,

you go buy some bleach.

The more the better. Pay with

cash and throw away the receipt.

We'll move Stacy

into the bathtub,

bleed her out,

then clean this place up.

Tomorrow we'll cut her up

and bag her before golf.

You ladies will do...

Whatever it is that you

do while we're at golf.

We'll each take a bag.

F***!

Get me out! F***!

Get me up! Oh!

F***, man!

I'm out of shape.

I'll rinse these. Okay.

Uh, kitchen.

Got to make sure there's no

trace of anything in there.

Got to get on our knees,

scrub-a-dub-dub.

No blood, no anything that could

point a finger in our direction.

Just keep your eyes

on the task at hand...

and you should be golden.

Looks pretty great!

Definitely doesn't look like

somebody was killed in here,

that's for sure.

Hey, man. I'm really sorry

I killed your wife.

I know. I know you are.

You guys are like family to me.

We always have been.

Ramone, too.

We love you guys.

I haven't seen your kid

in months, man!

There he is.

Yeah.

He's beautiful. So beautiful.

- Thanks.

- So peaceful. So innocent.

F***! What?

We forgot to bleed her out.

Oh, shh. Come on, come on.

Shh!

Okay. Umm... Ch-ch-ch-ch...

Oh. Honey, could you go in the

kitchen and grab me a knife?

Okay, guys, we have to remember that

we need to bury all our clothes

in a bag.

What? I love these shoes.

This good? That's perfect.

Thank you.

Uh, yeah. Tom.

Take it. So what

I need you to do is, uh,

"cut the thigh diagonally...?"

Uh, now make sure you get deep

enough to hit the femoral artery,

so you gotta go in pretty good.

Give it a good whack.

You can do it, honey.

Come on. You strangled her with your bare

hands, you can cut her f***in' thigh.

I thought you said

she hit her head.

She did hit her head.

Yes. And then...

I did. I strangled her. Yes.

What the f***? I know. I

know, I'm so sorry. I am.

Go ahead. Cut her up.

You can do it.

Sorry. Sorry.

Mm.

Oh, f***! Yeah.

Yeah, that's not

a really sharp knife.

- We don't have a sharpener.

- That's really dangerous,

you know? Dull knives? The number one

cause of injuries in the kitchen.

Okay, be careful, honey.

Okay... okay, I just...

Oh, no!

I think you got to go deeper.

That's a big f***ing thigh.

Maybe try... try the other one.

Pretty f***in' deep here, man!

Wife! I'm an idiot!

I'm a total idiot.

We got to pump it out.

Do chest compressions.

Apply suction to the atria using

the spring from the ribcage.

Oh.

Okay. Yeah.

Like CPR?

I think so.

Harder.

I'm pushing pretty hard here.

You got to do it harder.

I'm pushing pretty hard here, man. If you

want to give it a shot, be my guest.

F*** it.

Jesus! That's it.

Eww! Oh!

Yeah! Yeah.

Yah! Eww!

Okay, okay!

That's enough, that's enough!

And that's how

you bleed a body out!

All right. Tomorrow mo...

what? Who the f*** is that?

Hide. Hide!

Come on.

Now! Hide, hide!

They can see the fireplace.

Hey, ward, it's Bruce!

Ward! What?

Get the door.

Deal with it. Yeah.

Hey, ward! Hey, Bruce.

Hey, buddy. How are you?

I'm great.

Umm... What's goin' on?

Oh, I was getting ready for bed.

Oh. Okay.

Um, I believe that I left my

shades in your backyard earlier.

I was gonna go around myself

and, uh, check it out,

but uh, trespassing is illegal, so...

Yeah, it is.

I thought I'd knock. Okay.

All right? So if

you wouldn't mind...

You want to go

through the house?

Well, that's how you

get to the back yard.

Right. Um... What's goin' on?

You okay?

Everything's fine. Look...

What was that? Uh...

Nothing. Okay.

You should probably go around

the side of the house.

Outside? What's

going on? You okay?

Everything's fine. It's just that

Ramone is sleeping right now.

And Stacy gets really weird when I

have company while he's asleep.

She doesn't want anybody to come

in the house. Ah, the baby.

I get that. Right.

I understand.

We're playing golf tomorrow.

Yeah? I was wondering

if you were interested.

Yes. Yes! I would

love to join you.

Absolutely! Are you kidding me?

I could dust off the old clubs.

That would be great!

Okay? So, uh, tee time is 3:00.

3:
00 p.m. 3:00 p.m.

Right. So you could come

back tomorrow. Great.

Okay. 3:
00 p.m.

And I didn't see your shades around back,

but you're more than welcome to look.

I just need you to go around.

Okay.

I'll do that. Hey, you

know, from the tips.

That's wonderful.

From the tips!

Okay.

You have a good night.

Oh, sh*t. Blinds.

Holy sh*t!

Dude, what the f***? What?

You invited him to play golf?

What was I supposed to do? I'm sorry.

I panicked. I panicked!

It's fine. We'll deal

with him tomorrow.

Be here, 9:
30. We'll finish

the job, we play golf.

See you guys tomorrow. Yeah.

I got it.

I don't blame you, you know.

No? Mm-mm.

I wanted to just mush her f***ing

face in that cake all day long.

What did it feel like?

I don't know.

I mean, I was nervous. But...

Did it feel good?

I watched you today.

What do you mean? When?

You were cleaning

in the kitchen.

With your hands on your knees.

And your jeans were

pulling around your...

around my p*ssy?

Yeah.

That's hot. It was hot.

You talked about putting

your hands around her neck.

I got jealous...

And wet. Really?

Really?

You said p*ssy, and I

went hard in a second.

Oh, god!

Squeeze...

I was impressed. You took

control of that situation,

and things could have

gotten really hysterical,

but they didn't, and it just...

You did good.

Lily asleep?

She's right here, next to me.

Bad dream.

You don't mind taking her

while I golf tomorrow?

Of course.

And maybe afterwards,

uh, we could take lily

to a mini-golf.

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