Lethal Seduction

They got to have it.

It's like biological hormones

and pheromones and whatnot.

I mean, haven't you heard

of the freshman 15?

Yeah, the girl gains 15 pounds

in her first year of college,

right?

What? No, the 15 stands for

the 15 guys they must have

sex with their freshman year.

I'm pretty sure

you're wrong about that.

( horn honks )

Hello, hello.

What do we have here?

Hey, babes, how's it going?

We're going to a party.

How would you lucky ladies

like to be our dates?

( laughs )

The blonde was into me.

Don't you think she was a

little too old for us, dude?

Dude, 40-year-olds are

just teens with decades

of experience.

All right.

What if they had said yes?

They'd be pretty

disappointed when they find out

we didn't actually have

a party to go to.

Well, actually...

Oh, man.

Surprise!

Sorry, man, I had to promise

not to blab, you know.

Happy birthday.

Oh, there's my birthday boy.

Make a wish.

Maybe it'll come true.

Yay!

Sodas and pizza

by the pool.

Mark.

Can you help me?

Sorry, I, uh, need someone

to tie the back of my top.

Yeah, sure.

Let me help you

with that, sweetheart.

Honey, why don't you

go downstairs and help

entertain the guests?

- Oh!

- There you go.

He's on the Fulbright

Fellowship Board and

we've been pals forever.

Boy, I can tell

you some stories.

Anyway, he's a

good guy to know.

I could give him a call

if you'd like.

( audio blurs )

'Cause you know what they say,

it's not what they know,

it's who you know.

- Mark?

- Uh, yeah, yeah,

that'd be great.

And Mark,

if you need anything,

anything at all,

don't hesitate to call me.

Actually, I was wondering...

Yo! Have you seen

Melanie's new bikini?

Yeah.

I'm gonna go see if

your mom needs help.

- Uh, okay,

thanks again, Randy.

- Who's that dweeb?

Oh, he works with my mom

at the aquarium...

Cool, man. Anyway...

Listen, here's the plan.

Saturday night,

get your mom out of the house.

We raid your dad's

liquor cabinet,

invite over Melanie

and whichever friend has

the lowest standards.

I don't know if those

bottles are any good anymore.

They haven't been touched

in, like, 10 years.

Dude, scotch doesn't go bad.

It ain't like milk.

Oh.

I think everybody had fun,

don't you?

Uh-huh.

Oh, the pizza

was outstanding.

No more Little Gino's.

It is Brutelli's

from now on.

What did you think

of your presents?

Hello. Earth to Mark.

Sorry, mom, I'm--I'm writing

a really intricate line

of code right now.

But I had a great birthday,

thank you.

You know, there's a church

social this weekend.

I think there will be

a lot of nice girls there.

Maybe we should

go check it out?

Okay, Mom.

Okay, well,

happy birthday, baby.

I hope you had fun.

How we doing

there, Mom?

Mom?

Almost ready.

Thanks again for taking

her out, Randy.

Oh, happy to do so.

Ta-da!

You look incredible.

Yeah, really,

really pretty, mom.

All right, we will

be home before midnight.

No worries, it's cool.

- Don't worry about it.

- All right, okay.

I'll be fine.

I am safe and sound right...

We're clear.

Okay.

I feel the time has fallen

Down on me like a rain

And I know my days are

numbered...

Ever had a

Harvey Wallbanger?

Dude, that's all you got?

My dad wasn't

much of a drinker.

How do you make

an Old Fashioned?

Not with peppermint

schnapps and amaretto.

- Okay.

- I've got an idea.

Get some ice cream.

Ice cream?

Yeah.

Get some ice cream.

Okay. I got mint

chocolate chip.

Your drinks, my ladies.

These are really popular

in France right now.

Thank you.

He watches those kinds of

videos on his computer, hours.

He clears the search history,

but I know.

You sneak through his laptop?

Mark's a good kid.

I mean, he's going

through some--

some big changes in his life,

lots of heavy stuff.

And I just think that

he's at that age where

he needs some space.

That's soft.

Yeah, they're denim.

Maybe he could use

a male role model

in his life.

Do you know what, Randy?

I couldn't agree more.

You do.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, this is great because...

So I made a phone call and

I totally took care of it.

Called who?

( doorbell rings )

What the hell is that?

I don't know.

- Hi.

- Hey, Mark.

Hey, Deacon Williams,

my, uh, mom's actually

not here right now.

Oh, I'm here to see you, my boy,

'cause I understand

you're heading off

to college in the fall.

Princeton.

That's right.

Uh, but this really

isn't a good time.

Your mother asked me to stop

by and see if I could offer

some wisdom or advice about

the changes you're, uh...

Oh, you have company.

Yeah, just a few friends.

Well, perfect 'cause

I brought Bible trivia.

You are my sunshine,

my only sunshine

( humming )

So the Deacon said he

had a wonderful time

with you last night.

I'm glad someone did.

Mark, I need you to go

to the hardware store and

pick me up a new towel rack.

The one I bought

is the wrong size.

Okay.

And pick us up a couple

of smoothies, my treat.

Mmm.

Oh, there you are.

Excuse me, can you help me?

What--what is GPM?

I'm sorry.

Do you work here?

Um, no, but I--I think

I can help you.

Um, GPM is your flow rate,

gallons per minute.

Um, this has a--an eco-flow.

It's 1.5 GPM.

It'll save you money,

but there's no...

There's no oomph.

Exactly.

Now, uh, my mom

has this massager.

It's got a strong

pulsating spray

and I don't--

she swears by it.

Is your mother single?

Yeah.

Then, this will

do just fine.

Thank you.

Hey, what's your name?

What? Excuse me?

I'm Carissa Kensington.

And you are?

Uh, Mark.

Mark Richards.

Well, thank you for your

assistance inside, Mark.

No problem.

I'm just terrible at

this handyman stuff.

Probably put it in and

it'll still leak.

Oh, well, they make them

pretty intuitive nowadays.

You might have to seal

the pipe with plumber's tape.

Well, actually, I was hoping

you could do me a really big

favor and install it for me.

Would you mind?

I--I live just up the hill.

Uh, well, I--I'm supposed

to go back and help my mom.

I'll pay you for your time.

Princeton, wow.

You must've gotten

good grades.

Uh, valedictorian.

Yeah, I got a

full scholarship, actually.

Wow, impressive.

All I ever did was party with

my friends through high school.

You know what

that'll get you.

Uh, what?

An Arizona State degree and

a very rich ex-husband.

Well, it seems

to be working now.

Hmm.

Better make sure.

Would you care

to test it with me?

Try it before

the hot water runs out.

Get back in there, dude.

She's waiting for you.

Go. Now.

I won't bite.

Unless you want me to.

Where have you been all day?

Just out.

Hmm.

Did you put up

that towel rack for me yet?

I'm about to.

These are pretty.

Why are you so giddy today?

Am I?

No reason.

Just a good day, I guess.

Oh, I invited Wally over.

I hope you don't mind.

No, I don't...

Liar, liar, liar!

No, it's true.

Three times,

I'm telling you.

It was incredible.

- Liar!

- No, it finally happened.

I feel like a 5,000 pound

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