Lily and Jim

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1

Geez, I don't even know

where to begin.

I just can't figure out men.

Remember how in first grade,

little boys would chase

little girls around the playground?

But whenever they'd catch one,

they'd get all confused and

embarrassed and wouldn't know

what to do with them?

That's... basically my love life.

Um... well, my dating track record

has always been a little, uh...

less than satisfactory, I guess.

Asking girls out has always

scared the hell out of me

because I'd always... you know,

say the wrong things

and get embarrassed and stuff.

I guess I've always had sort of

a self-esteem problem?

I don't think I'm very attractive anyway,

compared to most of my friends.

I'm usually introduced

as someone with...

you know, a great personality

or something.

They said she had a great personality,

so I was pretty excited

about meeting her.

It was my first blind date

and I was pretty nervous that he...

you know, wouldn't like me

or I'd screw up somehow.

I just wanted to make a

good first impression.

I'd never gone on a blind date before,

and I really didn't think

it was a good idea.

But I figured I'd give the whole

relationship thing one more shot.

I really had nothing left to lose, you know?

Noisy restaurant

Um...

A friend of mine recommended

this restaurant.

He said it was really romantic.

Yeah, it... it's nice.

Baby crying

What does your friend do?

He's an economic analyst.

Oh.

I once knew someone

who had a dog.

I don't think she ever ate

at this restaurant though.

Have you ever eaten here before?

Nope! No, first time.

Yeah. Heh. Me too.

I heard the lobster's pretty good.

Mmm, great!

Yeah.

Did... did you see that show last night?

What show?

You know, with that guy,

that funny guy.

Ummmm

What's that show called, you know,

it's on channel four...

You know, that guy...

that guy with the things?

You know, those things on his head?

Nnn..

That show.

No, w-why, what...

what happened on it last night?

Oh... it was really funny.

Oh!...

My cable got shut off last night

so I...I didn't really...

I didn't see much... um...

Well... but I have a neighbor

that does, uh...

it's kinda...

He does sock puppet theater.

It's cool cuz he used to play soccer

so he's got lots of these really

different colored kinda socks.

Have you ever done this before?

Hm? Done... done what?

This whole blind date thing.

No, uh, this is actually my first one.

Yeah, me too.

Loud slurping

loud slurping

Hmmm

Hmmm!

Awkward laugh

Hmmm!

Hmmm!

awkward laugh

So, uh, where do you work?

I heard you were in computers.

Yeah! Yeah, I work for Raytech Systems.

Mmm.

Right now I'm developing new packet

drivers for a binary protocol system

my friend is programming.

Huh.

You see, we've been experiencing

a lot of difficulty resolving the lPs

It turns out that our

ISDN wires were crossed.

So, our network tech thought

that a T1 or T2 would've been too quick

for our C7 chip processor

so we're going back to basics.

Right.

Wow, heh heh, how about that.

Y-yeah.

I read somewhere that most

middle-aged Americans

have ten pounds of undigested

red meat in their colons.

Hmm! Mhm... Hmmm.

You know, that's really interesting

cuz my father has a lot of

blood in his stool.

Hmmm! Heh heh...

Are your parents from around here?

No...

Um, my parents were

incinerated when I was three.

Oh.

Yeah...

awkward laugh

Seen any good movies lately?

Yeah! Yeah I caught the new one downtown

uh, that new, uh...

Holocaust film.

Oh.

Yeaaahh...

Yeah it was...

pretty neat.

I'm not much of a conversationalist,

but I think things were going

pretty well, otherwise.

God, I hate small talk.

Clears throat

Hm.

Loud slurping

awkward laughs

Hmm, heh.

So... heh...

Yeah... heh...

Yeah.... soooo...

clears throat

Do you have any gum?

After dinner, we left the restaurant

and couldn't really think of

anything good to do.

Crickets

So what do you feel like doing now?

Uhhh... geez.

I don't know, um...

W-what do you wanna do?

Um... well, we... we could umm...

Hmm.

I don't know, I...

Yeah...

You know...

I'm really up for

just about anything.

Uh... yeah! Yeah, me too, uh...

Do you drink coffee?

Ummm.

No. Not really.

Oh...

Because I thought maybe we could

go back to my apartment

for some coffee or something.

I would love some coffee.

She had a pretty nice apartment.

After we got there we sat and talked and...

drank coffee. Heh.

I really don't like coffee

and actually I'm extremely

allergic to the caffeine.

But, you know...

I didn't want to ruin

the evening or anything.

Nnh.

How's your coffee?

Heh... strong.

Is it?

Yeah I-it's good though...

I mean, you... you make a

pretty mean cup of coffee, heh.

Awkward laugh

Thanks. Yeah I guess I...

I kind of like it strong.

Yeah.

Heh.

Um.

You been drinking coffee long...? Uh..

Awkward laugh

You know, I was, um...

watching TV last night?

Uh huh.

And... have you seen that show...

You know, that show with... with the lady?

And she has like this crazy red curly hair?

And she always runs around, like,

and opens doors and slams them

into people's faces

do you know what I'm talking about?

Like, the "I Love Lucy" show?

No,no,no,no,no,

it's like a newer show.

Oh!

Actually I really liked Lucy.

Really.

Yes.

My mom used to kind of look like Lucy.

She did?

Well, not like Lucy when she was like,

crushing-the-grapes Lucy?

Yeah?

But, like...

you know the one with the candy

and she was putting it in her blouse?

Yeah,yeah,yeah!

Yeah my mom ate a lot.

You have very beautiful eyes.

Thanks.

Wanna watch TV?

Sure.

Loud, ridiculous sex noises

Blah blah-blah blah blah, blah

blah blah blah blah-blah blah blah

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Explosions

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

There wasn't really anything good on TV.

I turned off the TV and that's when

I noticed that he looked really sick.

I had a really bad allergic reaction

to all the caffeine I drank, and um...

my face kinda got swollen and bloated.

I was feeling kind of nauseous

and was having trouble breathing.

Are you okay?

Yeah! Yeah I'm fine, uh...

how are you doin'?

It... it's just that your face is all... puffy.

Really?

Yeah!

Huh. I... I feel okay.

You sure?

Yeah I'm... I'm doin' great.

Would you like some more coffee?

I would love some more coffee.

And I... I don't remember too much after that.

He passed out on my couch.

We exchanged phone numbers in the hospital

and, well...

that was that.

I wanted to call her

and ask her out again, but I...

Darn it, I...I just don't think I made

a very good first impression.

He was really cute and I'd

like to see him again, but--

I don't think he liked me very much.

I mean, if she was interested she

would've called me by now, right?

Whatever, I mean, it's not like

we were meant for each other

on some... some cosmic level or anything.

Women just don't understand me.

Come to think of it, this is a problem

that a lot of women seem to have.

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