Long Day's Journey Into Night Page #17

terribly.

- It... it can't be all together lost.

- Mama.

- Something...

- What's the use...?

...I need terribly.

I remember, when I had it I was never lonely nor afraid.

I can't have lost it forever.

I'd die if I thought that.

Because then th... there would be no hope.

Mama.

It's not just a summer cold.

I've got consumption.

No. No!

- You must not try to hold me. You must not try to touch me.

- You damn fool, it's no good.

- It's not right when I'm hoping to be a nun.

- We are fools to pay any attention.

It's the damn poison!

I never knew her drown herself in it as deep as this before.

Pass me that bottle Jamie.

I had a talk with mother Elizabeth.

She's so sweet and good.

A saint on earth. I love her dearly.

It may be sinful of me but I love her better than my own mother

because she understands even before you say a word.

Her kind blue eyes look right into your heart.

Can't keep any secrets from her. You couldn't

deceive even if you were mean enough to want to.

All the same...

I... I don't think she was so understanding this time.

I told her I wanted to be a nun.

I explained how sure I was of my vocation.

That I'd prayed to the blessed virgin to make me sure and find me worthy.

I told mother I had had a true vision when

I was praying in the shrine of our Lady of Lords

On the little island in the lake.

I said I knew as surely as I was kneeling there

that the blessed virgin had smiled

and given me her consent

but mother Elizabeth said I must be more sure than that even,

that I must prove it wasn't simply my imagination.

She said if I was so sure

then I wouldn't mind putting myself to a test

by going home after I'd graduated and living as other girls live,

going out to parties and dances and enjoy myself

and then after a year or two if I was still sure

I could come back to see her and we would talk it over again.

I never dreamed holy mother would give me such advice.

I was really shocked!

I said naturally I... I would do anything she suggested but

I knew it was simply a waste of time.

After... I left her I felt...

all mixed up

so I went to the shrine

and I prayed to the blessed virgin

and found peace again

because I knew she heard my prayer

and would always love me

and see no harm ever came to me

so long... so long

as I never lost my faith in her.

That was in the winter of...

senior year.

Then in the spring

something happened to me.

Yes I remember.

I fell in love with James Tyrone

and was so happy...

for a time.

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