Long Day's Journey Into Night Page #7

You were swindled again. As you always are because

you insist on second hand bargains in everything.

It's one of the best makes.

You're as bad as Jamie. Suspecting everyone.

No. You... you mustn't be offended James.

I... I wasn't offended when you gave me the automobile.

I knew that was the way you had to do everything. I was grateful and touched.

I knew that buying the car was a... was a hard thing for you to do.

But it showed how much you love me... in your way.

- Especially... as you couldn't really believe it would do me any good.

- Mary, dear Mary.

For the love of God, for the boys sake, for my sake and for your own,

won't you stop? Now.

Stop what? What are you talking about?

James...

James we've loved each other, we always will. Let's remember only that and not try

to understand what we cannot understand or help things that cannot be helped.

The things... life has done to us, we cannot excuse or explain.

You won't even try?

Try... try to go for a drive?

This afternoon dear?

Yes...Yes I...I will if you wish it.

Although... it... it makes me feel lonelier... than if I staued here.

There... there's no one I can invite to drive with me.

I never know where to tell Smythe to go

If there was only some friend's house where I could... drop in

laugh and gossip over a while. But of course there isn't.

Never has been.

At the convent, I had so many friends.

Naturally, after I married an actor,

well... you... you know how actors were considered in those days and then of course...

right after we were married there was the scandal of...

of that... woman who... had been your mistress suing you.

From then on all my old friends either pitied me or... cut me dead.

- I hated the ones that cut me dead much less than the pitiers.

- Mary for God's sake don't dig up what's long forgotten.

If you're that far gone in the past already when it's only

the beggining of the afternoon what will you be tonight.

Come to think of it... I do have to drive uptown.

There's something I must get at the drugstore.

Yes. Leave it to you to have some of the stuff hidden and prescriptions for more.

Well I hope you'll lay in a good stock ahead so we'll never have another night like

the one when you screamed for it, and ran out of the house in your nightdress

half crazy to try and throw yourself off the dock.

I have to get... tooth powder... and toilet soap... and cold cream.

- You mustn't remember, you mustn't humiliate me so!

- Forgive me.

I'm sorry Mary.

It doesn't matter, nothign like that ever happened. You must've dreamed it.

I... I was so... so healthy

before Edmund was born.

Do you remember James?

There wasn't a nerve in my body.

Even travelling with you, season after season and bearing children in hotel rooms,

I still kept healthy.

But bearing Edmund was... the last straw.

I was so sick afterwards.

And that ignorant quack of a cheap hotel doctor

all he knew was I was in pain, it was easy for him to stop the pain.

Mary, for God's sake forget the past.

Why how can I, the past is the present, it's the future too, isn't it?

I blame only myself. I swore after Eugene died I would never have another baby.

I was to blame for his death.

If... If I hadn't left him with my mother to join you on the road

because you wrote telling me you missed me and were so lonely

Jamie would never have been allowed, when he still had measels to go into the baby's room.

I always believed Jamie did it on purpose, he was jelous of the baby he hated him.

I... I... know Jamie was only seven but he was never stupid.

He'd been warned it might kill the baby.

- He knew. I've never been able to forgive him for that.

- Are you back to Eugene now? Can't you let our dead baby rest in peace?

Above all... above all I should never have let you insist

that I have another baby to take Eugene's place.

I was afraid, all the time I carried Edmund. I knew something terrible would happen.

I knew I'd proved by the way I left Eugene that I wasn't worthy to have another baby.

And that God would punish me if I did.

- I should never have born Edmund.

- Mary be careful with your talk, if he heard you he migh think you never wanted him.

For God's sake try and be yourself, you can do that much for him.

There you are, you look spick-and-span.

I'm on my way up to change too.

Wait a minute Papa.

I hate to bring up disagreable topic but there's the matter of car fare.

- I'm broke.

- You'll always be broke until you learn the value of...

...but you've been learning lad. You worked hard before you took ill.

You've done splendidly, I... I'm proud of you.

- "Thank you". How sharper than a snake's tooth it is to...

- "...have a thankless child", I know. Give me a chance Papa. I'm knocked speechless.

This isn't a dollar, it's a ten spot.

But why all of a sudden? Did doc. Hardy say I was going to die?

That was a rotten crack, I was just kidding Papa.

- I'm very grateful, honest Papa.

- You're welcome lad.

I won't have it! Do you hear?

Such morbid nonsense.

Saying you're going to die. You'd think you didn't want to live.

A boy of your have with everything before him.

- It's just a pose you get out of books, you're not sick at all.

- Mary hold your tongue!

- But James it's absurd of him to be so gloomy and to make such a big to-do about nothing.

But never mind dear, I'm on to you.

You want to be petted and spoiled and made a fuss over, isn't that it?

You're still such a baby.

But please, don't carry it too far dear.

Don't say horrible things.

I know it's foolish to take them seriously but I can't help it.

You've got me so frightened!

I believe you ought to ask your mother now what you said you were... going to.

My God! Look at the time. I have to shake a leg.

How do you feel?

Your head is a little hot... but that's just from going out in the sun.

You look ever so much better than you did this morning.

Come and sit down.

- Listen Mama...

- No no now don't talk.

Sit down. Lean back.

And rest.

It's such a tiring trip uptown in the dirty old trolley on a hot day like this.

You'll be ever so much better off here with me.

- Listen Mama...

- You could telephone Hardy

Tell him you don't feel well enough.

- The old idiot, all he knows about medicine is to look solemn and preach willpower.

- Listen Mama...

I want to ask you something...

You can still stop. You've only just started, you've got the willpower

we'll all help you, I'll do anything.

Won't you Mama?

Please don't talk about things you don't understand.

- All right I give up. I knew it was no use.

- Anyway I don't know what you're refering to but I do know you should be the last one...

Right after I returned from the sanitorium you began to be ill.

But after they had warned me I must have peace at home with nothing to upset me

all I've done is worry about you.

But... that's no excuse.

I'm only trying to explain, it's not an excuse.

Promise me dear you won't believe I made you an excuse.

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