Long Day's Journey Into Night Page #9

I might have gone if I hadn't fallen in love with Mr. Tyrone or I might have become a nun.

I had two dreams.

To be a nun...

that was the more beautiful one.

To be a concert pianist.

That was the other.

I haven't touched the piano in so many years.

I couldn't play now with such crippled fingers even if I wanted to.

For a time after my marriage... I tried to keep up my music but it was hopeless.

One night stands, cheap hotels, dirty trains, leaving children, never having a home.

See... Cathleen?

How ugly they are, so maimed and crippled.

You'd think they've been through some horrible accident.

So they have come to think of it.

I won't look at them, they are worst than the foghorn at reminding me.

But even they can't hurt me now.

They're far away.

I see them...

but the pain is gone.

You've taken some of that medicine?

If I didn't know better I'd think you'd a drop taken.

It kills the pain.

You go back...

until at last your... beyond it's reach.

Only the past when you were happy is real. If you think Mr. Tyrone is

handsome now, Cathleen, you should have seen him when I first met him.

He had a reputation of being one of the handsomest men in the country.

Those at the convent who'd seen him act or

seen his photographs used to rave about him.

He was a big matine idol then.

Women... used to wait at the stage door just to... see him come out.

You can imagine how... excited I was when my father wrote telling me

he and James Tyrone had become friends and I was to meet him

when I went home for my easter vacation.

I showed the letter to all the girls.

How envious they were.

My father took me to see him act first.

It was a play about the french revolution

and the... the leading character... was a nobleman.

I couldn't take my eyes off him.

I wept

when he was thrown in prison and then was

so mad because I was afraid my eyes would be red.

My... my father had said we would go backstage to his dressing room

right after the play and so we did.

I guess my... eyes and nose... couldn't have been red after all.

I was really very pretty then actually

and he was handsomer than my wildest dreams.

He was different... different from ordinary men

like someone from another world.

I fell in love right then.

So did he.

He told me afterwards.

I forgot all about becoming a nun.

Or a concert pianist.

All I wanted was to be his wife.

Thirty-six years ago...

but I can see it as clearly as if it were tonight.

And...

we've loved each other ever since and in all those thirty-six years there...

there's never been a breath of scandal about him. I mean with another woman.

He's made me very happy Cathleen.

He's a fine gentleman.

You're a lucky woman.

Sentimental fool.

What's so wonderful about the first... meeting

between a silly romantic schoolgirl... and a matiner?

You were much... happier before... you knew he existed.

In the convent... when you could pray... to the blessed vi... virgin.

If only I could find the faith I lost.

So I could pray to her again.

Hail Mary full of grace...

Hail Mary full...

Hail Mary full of...

Expect the blessed virgin to be fooled... by a lying dope fiend reciting words?

You can't fool her.

I haven't taken enough. I have to go upstairs.

When you start again you never know...

You never know exactly how much you need.

Why are they coming back?

Why are they coming back?

Are you there... Mary?

Yes. Yes I'm... I'm here dear. In the sitting room.

I've been... I've been waiting for you.

I'm... I'm so happy you've come. I'd given up hope. I was afraid you wouldn't come home.

It's such a dismal foggy evening it must be much more cheerful in the barrooms uptown

where there are people you can laugh and... Oh no don't deny it.

I know how you feel. I don't blame you a bit.

I'm all the more grateful to you for coming home.

I was... sitting here so... lonely and blue.

Come and sit down.

Dinner won't be ready for a few minutes.

Your...your... actually a little early.

Will wonders never cease?

Here's the whiskey dear, shall I pour you a drink.

And you, Edmund?

I don't want to encourage you.

But one small one be...be... before... dinner can't... do you any harm.

Where's Jamie?

But I... of course... he'll never come home

so long as he has... the price of a date left.

- I'm afraid Jamie has been... lost to us for a... long time... dear.

- For the love of God, I'm a fool for coming home.

Papa, shut up.

Who'd've... thought... who would've thought Jamie would...

would grow up to disgrace us.

Everyone liked him, all his... teachers told us what a fine brain he had.

They... they predicted a wonderful future for him if only he'd...

learned to take life seriously.

Poor Jamie, such a pity!

It's hard to understand.

No it isn't.

You brought him up to be a boozer.

Since he first opened his eyes he's seen you drinking.

Always a bottle on the beaureu in the cheap hotel rooms.

If he had a nightmare when he was little or a stomach ache

your remedy was to give him a tea spoon full of whiskey.

- To quiet him.

- So I'm to blame because that lazy hulk has made a drunken loafer of himself?

Is that what I came back to listen to? I might have known.

When you have the poison in you, you want to blame everyone but yourself!

Papa!

- Are we going to have this drink or arent' we?

- You're right. I'm a fool to take notice.

Drink hearty lad.

I'm sorry if I... souded bitter James, I'm not.

It's all so far away I... I was a little hurt when you wished you hadn't come home.

I was so relieved and happy when you came.

And grateful to you.

It's very dreary and sad to be here alone in the fog.

With night falling.

I'm glad I came Mary, when you act like your real self.

I was so lonesome. I kept Cathleen with me just to have someone to talk to.

Do you know what I was telling her James?

About that night my father took me to your dressing room.

And I first fell in love with you, do you remeber?

Can you think I'll ever forget Mary?

No.

I know you still love me James.

In spite of everything.

Yes, as God is my judge. Always and forever Mary.

And I... love you dear.

In spite of everything.

But...

Although I couldn't help loving you I would never

have married you if I'd known you drank so much.

I remember the... first time your barroom fellows had to help you...

to the door of out hotel room and knocked and then ran away

before I opened the door.

We... we were still in our honeymoon, remember?

I don't remember. It wasn't on our honeymoon.

I've never in my life had to be helped to bed

or missed a performance.

I waited in that ugly hotel room... hour after hour.

I became terrified, I imagined all sorts of horrible accidents.

I got down on my knees and prayed that nothing had happened to you.

Then they brought you up and left you outside the door.

God! No wonder.

I'm... I'm sorry I remembered out loud.

I don't want to be sad

or to make you sad.

I want to remember only the happy part of the past.

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