Look Who's Talking

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I think your bookkeeper

paid for the flatware twice.

Albert, stop.

I can't do this any more.

Mollie, I love you and you love me.

Albert, you're great in bed

and you're my biggest account...

...but you're married!

And I'll never fall in love with

anyone else while I'm seeing you.

You know I'm leaving Beth.

It just takes time.

Every time I say the word divorce,

she loses five pounds.

I'm sorry she's bulimic.

- I can't wait for you forever.

- It's going to work out soon.

The doctor prescribed new pills

and she's starting ballet classes.

- It'll be like the playwriting.

- She knows this can't make her fat.

She said

writing made her ass spread.

Which is insane, she's got

a great ass for a 40-year-old.

I'll tell Mr. Ross to give

your account to someone else.

I won't let him. I'll never let

anyone else touch my books.

God, Mollie, I'm going to burst

if you don't kiss me soon.

Follow me. I know where I'm going.

I've got the map. Come on.

Come on, keep up, you kids.

Here we go.

Wait a minute, I see something.

I think this is it,

right over here.

This is definitely it.

This is the place.

Jackpot!

Right down here, kids.

Here we go.

Dig in, you kids. Here we go.

It's kind of tough here.

Oh, oh...

I'm in!

Are you okay?

- I broke up with George.

- Who?

George. I met him in Joe Allen's.

He turned out to be stupid.

You look lousy, doll.

- Stomach flu. It's going around.

- Nobody has the stomach flu.

They don't?

You want to hear about Albert?

- Listen to me.

- I am.

Albert's shrink said his wife would

never recover if he kept seeing me.

- He's decided to leave her.

- Albert's leaving his wife?

No, he's leaving his shrink. She was

really an obstacle between us.

Leaving his shrink?

He's supposed to leave his wife.

He's going to. He can't leave her

while she's sick. She's bulimic.

Don't give me that look.

It's a very serious disease.

What in the... Wait a minute.

I've got two of these things.

Look at that, they match.

- You ate all that already?

- How weird, I don't like ice cream.

- There he is.

- This is sick.

He looks so sweet with the kids.

If only Beth would stop throwing up.

Miss Popularity, you can't expect to

find a husband if you never go out.

- You're in every night of the week.

- Ma, it's tax season.

I was studying to pass a CPA exam, -

- and I still managed

to catch your father.

What if Daddy was married

when you first met him?

- I wouldn't have fallen for him.

- You can't control that.

Why not?

Listen, take your father here...

His favourite food was cheesecake,

and what did the doctor tell him?

- "Cut back on cholesterol."

- Now he doesn't eat cheesecake.

Ma, that doesn't make any sense.

You never used to like my food.

Something's wrong.

- Nothing's wrong.

- Louie, something's wrong.

- I didn't eat breakfast.

- Something's wrong.

No.

Oh, no!

- Yes!

- Oh, no!

- This wasn't a planned pregnancy?

- This wasn't even a planned affair.

Well...

let's see how far along we are.

Time out! Holy cow,

what was that? Who's that?

How could this have happened?

- How old are you now, Mollie?

- 33.

Remember,

your biological clock is ticking.

Beth finally agreed to a divorce.

Mollie, I'm so glad you waited.

I knew if I was patient,

this day would come.

Remember your biological clock.

My biological clock is ticking...

I know, I've already said that.

I didn't plan on this.

I'm not asking for anything.

I don't want to trap you.

But this baby... it's you and

me, and I'm not getting an abortion.

I wasn't going to ask you to.

This will be an incredible baby.

He'll have your sweet face

and my business sense.

- We'll get little Armani diapers.

- It will be a great kid.

Having my baby

what a way to say you love me

Albert, you're making me sick.

I hate that song.

Stop singing.

She gets sick, I get sick.

What are you going to tell people?

That I got artificially inseminated.

What?

How could you do such a thing?

I went to the clinic

and bought some frozen sperm.

- I inserted it, now I'm pregnant.

- Where's the frozen pop?

- There's no frozen pop.

- There's no husband.

I control my life

and I want to have a baby.

This kind of thing a girl does

if she's very ugly or a lesbian.

This is not the act

of a beautiful intelligent girl.

You never liked

any of my boyfriends, anyway.

- Where did this sperm come from?

- A medical student.

He goes to Columbia.

His parents live on the Island.

His father's in piece goods.

His mother works in cosmetics.

So you're making fun of me.

Wait, you'll see.

Someday you'll have children.

Look... an arm. It's an arm.

Look... isn't it cute?

Here's the head... isn't it?

Get some apple juice down here!

- Thirsty?

- Go ahead.

"The sex organs are moulded

out of similar tissue folds."

"By the second trimester

they are identifiable."

Look, another arm

coming in down there...

How am I going to get that

in my mouth?

Miss, excuse me...

- What can I do for you?

- Albert is expecting me.

He's in with his decorator.

You can wait over there.

- I think you're going to enjoy it.

- I'm sure I will.

- Remember to dust it every day.

- See you later.

Hi, come on in.

Albert, was that woman pretty?

- No, you're pretty.

- I look like a big, fat pilgrim.

How do you like the desk?

- It's made of stone.

- It's all right.

It's going to be great in here.

This is all going.

I'm having a custom-made mural

of an ancient Navajo design.

Leather craftsmen in Mexico

are going to make all new couches.

- What do you think?

- I like the deco stuff.

- Don't gain too much weight.

- My doctor says my weight is fine.

Beth only gained 21 pounds.

She jogged three miles a day.

- Maybe you should marry her.

- Don't start.

- I've got problems, too.

- Sorry. I'm afraid of giving birth.

- I've never been real big on pain.

- You been to Lamaze?

I quit.

It's just a bunch of breathing.

It's so much better for the baby.

When Beth had Priscilla...

I'm so sick of hearing about Beth!

How could you be in love with her

and then in love with me?

I have a degree.

She took belly-dancing lessons.

When I found out I was pregnant,

I decided to make out a will.

When Beth had the girls, she had

a reading of their past lives.

- And you're still with her!

- Oh yeah? Look at this receipt.

- Galleria Apartments.

- I moved out. I did it.

I put down a deposit this morning.

I can't believe it!

Should I come by tonight?

You'd better not.

We've still got to be careful.

Albert, I'm so happy!

I wonder if this store

has a bathroom. I have to go again.

I love this... Look,

it takes two of them to cover me.

- Yeah, but you're having a baby.

- You try it on.

- Should I have a baby with Neal?

- Do you love him?

No.

Try some of that

Nobel Prize winners' sperm.

Don't you want a smart baby?

That's all I need. A baby

telling me what an idiot I am.

- I found a nice family man.

- Except it's someone else's family.

That's why he left.

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