Look Who's Talking Page #2

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He loves me and we're having baby.

It sounds like the people

in the next compartment are.

- Mollie!

- Albert!

- Let me explain...

- These dresses aren't paid for.

- Don't take this sh*t from him.

- I'm going to call the cops.

After you. Thank you.

- Albert, what's going on?

- Mollie, I've fallen in love.

Beth knows.

I'm going to live with Melissa.

I don't know if it'll last.

It just happened.

Why didn't you say anything to me?

You were so close

to the end of your pregnancy.

I don't believe this is happening.

This sounds awful, but

I'm going through a selfish phase.

- A selfish phase?

- I admit the timing is bad.

- A selfish phase?

- It just happened.

A selfish phase!

Albert, you dick.

- You lousy prick!

- Leave him alone.

- Come on.

- Here.

Hey, what the...

- Wait, please, I'm in labour.

- I was here first.

A**hole! Taxi! Please...

St. Jerome's Hospital.

Oh, sh*t!

- Slow down! It can take hours.

- So can the midtown traffic.

Pull over till the ludes wear off.

God, you idiot!

Come on, move it.

Christ, this traffic...

We're going as fast as we can.

Hold onto my hand. Bear down, that's

what they say in the hospital.

- Come on, move it.

- God, my water just broke.

- Hey, buddy, move it.

- You can't get through here.

- I've got an emergency.

- Sorry, buddy, move it.

Just relax.

Hold on, we're almost there.

Look out! You're going to hit...!

Hold on!

You stupid son of a...!

- Are you doing your Lamaze?

- Look out!

- Breathe deep.

- Don't try to help, just drive!

You've got to use Lamaze.

My sister-in-law used it.

- It's better for the kid.

- All men are stupid idiots.

- Should I call your husband?

- I don't have a husband.

- I was artificially inseminated.

- Are you a lesbo?

Stupid jerk! My kid will probably

be brain damaged because of you.

Don't touch me! I'll have this baby

without you touching me.

- Excuse me, I'm in labour.

- Do you have your medical card?

- I left it at home.

- I have to have your medical card.

- This is my first baby.

- She's getting close. Upstairs.

You didn't finish this.

I cannot do my job...

- Put these on over your clothes.

- I'm not the father.

- Nurse, another one's coming.

- Deep breaths, come on.

Okay, this'll pass. Watch the head.

God! I need some drugs.

- Slow down your breathing.

- F*** my breathing!

- You've got to calm down.

- Get me some drugs.

- No, you don't want drugs.

- I do. I'm going to split in two.

By the time they

take effect she could be delivering.

- But what about now?

- I'm waiting for a doctor.

Are you a doctor? Come on.

- Water break?

- Half an hour ago.

- Are we doing our Lamaze breathing?

- I dropped out of Lamaze.

I'll go to summer school

if you make the pain stop.

- How about some Demerol?

- God, that'd be great!

I'd like some of that.

Give me a lot of it.

So it doesn't wear off

during the birth.

I think maybe I'm in a bit more pain

than most of your patients.

Be sure and give me enough.

- There we go.

- Thank you a really lot.

That is a little more like it.

Hey, here's Mr. Hand here.

Now that is very cosmic.

I don't understand...

What's that light down there?

That's it, breathe!

Attagirl, push. One more.

Stop with that pushing!

I'm falling!

Help!

No, put me back in! Let go

of my head and put me back inside!

It's a boy.

It's a boy.

Who are you?

Lady, I'm freezing. I'm so cold.

Get that thing away from me.

- You want to do the cord?

- No, you take this one.

I need that!

Lady, a blanket,

something, I'm frosty out here.

No, don't do that!

Where are we going now?

Hey, don't drop me.

Oh, very nice...

I don't know about you,

but I'm beat.

So you're the one

that's been kicking me.

You're the one

that ate the spicy food.

This is the weirdest thing that's

ever happened to me... so far.

I don't get it. I just don't

get it. Where did I go wrong?

Where are my thumbs?

I want to suck my thumbs.

- I have to get my own place.

- I've been reincarnated so quickly?

What a surprise!

Who stole my sucking thing?

I need my sucking thing!

I just remembered

I hate childhood.

Look at all those daddies.

Making goofball faces

and taking pictures of their babies.

You won't find your father here.

I really messed things up for you.

Don't be upset.

I'm going to find you a daddy.

And not just some handsome guy

I'm in love with.

You're all that matters to me.

I'll get you the best daddy ever.

Out, down, in, out...

Well, we got that.

What have you got there?

A hand?

Yeah, two of them.

Oh, my God!

"On the third or fourth day

your breasts may swell slightly."

Slightly?

I look like a Russ Meyer movie.

Workman.

- Oh, no! Sorry.

- Real nice.

- You got your figure back.

- This is not my figure.

Sorry I hit you and yelled at you,

but I was in a lot of pain.

I still owe you that cab fare,

but somebody stole my purse.

- How do you like New York so far?

- It's my kind of town.

I'll get you the rest later...

Wait a minute...

- How did you know where I lived?

- You left it in the cab.

Thanks.

You should look through that thing.

You've still got your diaphragm.

Don't smoke that around my baby.

There's a 62% higher rate of cancer

in people who live with smokers.

What are you trying to say?

You don't want me to move in yet?

Do you think the drugs

had any effect on him?

- How did you know I had drugs?

- I don't. I didn't.

You can tell in his eyes.

He looks stoned.

- He does not. He looks perfect.

- You don't look so hot yourself.

If you tried passing a watermelon,

how hot would you look?

Ouch! I should call

my mother more often. Get it?

- Do you want a sub?

- No, will you just watch him?

Don't take him out of his chair

and don't touch him a whole lot.

Hi, Mikey. I'm James.

- Good to meet you.

- Do you mind if I suck on that?

- How long have you been here?

- About five years.

- Were you born in New York?

- Are you with the census bureau?

How do you like the outside world?

It's weird, isn't it?

- Yeah, tell me about it.

- Here, your first lesson in coffee.

- Can you say black coffee?

- No.

Regular coffee has two sugars and

milk... which they have forgotten.

Can I borrow some of yours?

Coffee regular, I love it.

That's breast milk.

- Why didn't you tell me?

- You're on your own.

I'll see you guys later.

I'm going to take my sub and

my breast milk and get out of here.

I've got something

cold and wet in my shorts.

Could you get somebody for me?

Fellas?

You guys are no help. I'm cold and

wet and there's nothing I can do.

It's okay, Mikey. Mommy's here.

That Mommy person's here again.

She's okay. I like her.

I start crying

and she comes in with a bottle.

Crying, I can handle that.

Taxi!

Taxi!

"80% of all women experience

post-partum depression."

I won't.

Like a lot of parents, I can't

always be there on birthdays.

Help, somebody burp me

before I blow up.

That's it! You have some exotic

disease and I look like a zombie.

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