Look Who's Talking Page #3

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And your father deserted us so he

could pork his interior decorator.

I think you can safely say

that it can't get any worse.

- Hello!

- I was wrong.

Where's my grandson?

There he is.

- Mikey, do you know who I am?

- No, actually, I don't.

- I'm your grandma.

- Okay, if you say so.

- Yes, I am.

- What do you want from me?

- Who's got a wet tushy?

- I give up.

After a new diaper, I like

some of that white stuff on me.

If you had a man instead of a frozen

pop, all this would be put together.

You make it sound like I had

an affair with a frozen dessert.

- You look awful.

- Thank you.

You're using too much powder.

Why don't you get out of the house?

I'm going to give Mikey a bath.

A what?

She's gone!

Who would you want

as your child's father?

Someone with a small mouth

and good hair...

- A guy to help raise your child.

- Are there men who do that?

I'm looking for a guy

who's not married, -

- not into drugs, not a deadbeat,

but not a workaholic.

- And cute.

- Cute is of no importance.

You're my first date

since my baby was born.

This looks delicious.

What is this?

I asked for well done. This is raw.

I asked for no dressing,

this is covered with slop.

Are you deaf or something?

Who do I have to kill to get a roll?

What's this "C" in algebra?

How many times did we go over it?

Are you an idiot?

Dating is difficult, but you've got

to take a chance in life sometime.

I'm not so sure about that.

Excuse me.

This fork and this plate are dirty,

and there's something in the water.

Check your water.

Mikey, what is this mess?

Sort out these socks.

Why are school shirts

mixed up with after-school shirts?

Straighten this up properly.

- Hi.

- Hey.

- Somebody call for a cab?

- Yeah, small world.

More mail for Vincent Ubriacco.

I don't even know this guy.

Let me have them. Put them up here,

the postman will take care of them.

- It's good seeing you again.

- You, too. See you.

- You're stealing my mail!

- I'm not stealing your mail.

- You put it in your pocket!

- These are mine.

- I sent them here. I'll explain.

- I'm going to call the police.

My grandfather Vincent

needs an old-age home -

- and there's a place in Manhattan,

but he needs to be a resident.

You want to use my mailing address?

I could have you arrested. Screwing

with the mail is a federal offence.

Stealing mail is,

not screwing with it.

- Can I get the other letters?

- No, I don't want to get involved.

I went out of my way

to bring you back your purse.

Thank you very much,

but this happens to be illegal.

You're not going to get caught.

I'll do something for you, okay.

- I'll baby-sit.

- Come on...

- You don't know about babies.

- My sister has kids.

- I know a lot about babies.

- All right, Friday night.

- No can do, Friday's out.

- Then forget the whole deal.

- Okay, Friday, but that's it.

- And during my aerobics classes.

- One aerobics class.

- Saturday.

Can't do. I teach.

What do you teach?

Taxi driver's ed?

- That's not funny.

- Here's the deal.

Friday nights, two aerobics classes,

and you can't bring chicks over.

You're pushing it.

All right, it's a deal.

- Sucker.

- Good.

- Don't force-feed him like that.

- I'm not!

- Why don't you take a nap?

- He doesn't need a nap.

- He knows when he's tired.

- I'm not tired at all.

If he doesn't take a nap -

- he will wake up and want

to eat when it's time to sleep.

- Who says?

- All those doctors.

- They just want to sell books.

- Dr. Spock is not like that.

Dr. Spock loves us. He protested

during the Vietnam war.

I'm sorry I said anything

about Dr. Spock.

I can't believe she's getting

upset about a Vulcan.

- Have you got any other letters?

- They're in the hallway.

Mommy's asleep. Watch this.

What do you say you and me take

a ride so your mother can sleep?

- Is that a deal?

- Just bring the milk.

See that? That's my cab.

I do this to make money,

but not for long.

Okay, this is called driving.

When you get older,

I'll teach you how.

First, you put the little stick

in the hole.

Then you move your foot

back and forth. Okay, what next?

You move the big circle around.

No problem, I can do this.

I can drive.

- Hey.

- Hey, Jimmy.

That silver plane is a V J-10.

That big plane is a Viscount.

- Hey, Carrie.

- What a sweetie.

- Is it yours?

- Yeah, but he needs a mother.

I'm kidding. Is this my schedule?

- There's nothing on it.

- I'm sorry.

Do these things come in different

sizes? What are these, jumbos?

- What are you staring at?

- Lunch.

Mikey?

Mikey?

I want to report a missing baby.

Maybe he was kidnapped,

or maybe he's with a complete idiot!

Hey, Grandpa.

That's Grandpa.

Do I know you?

- Jimmy!

- Grandpa.

- I don't remember your baby.

- It's a friend of mine's.

- You sure it isn't yours?

- I've got more teeth than him.

What are those hairy jobs

over your eyes?

Let me see those things.

There we go. How does that feel?

- Mikey, lay off him.

- What a crack-up.

- Honey, I'm home.

- Me, too.

- Hey, you're up.

- My baby! Honey, honey...

Mommy and her baby...

Idiot! I called the police.

I was worried out of my mind.

- You knew I was with him.

- You might be a kidnapper.

- I was baby-sitting for you.

- That means the baby stays here!

Damn it! I got a splinter.

Let me see it.

- Have you got a needle?

- In there.

Sit down.

Oh, stop.

If you don't hold still,

I can't do this. It doesn't hurt.

It hurts. Don't do it that way.

- You're poking me!

- Hold still while I get it out.

- It can't hurt that much.

- How would you know?

- Look at that. That's a big one.

- I've never had one that big in me.

- All better.

- Mikey needs a nap.

Mikey, I've got to go.

See you.

Ready? High-five.

Low-five. Baby-five. Bye.

- Bye.

- My little angel-head.

- Mollie, who was that?

- The babysitter.

The babysitter?

He's not the frozen pop, is he?

- Ma!

- All right, give me the baby.

- Ma...

- What?

- You ever get bored with Daddy?

- How can I get bored with Daddy?

Mikey needs a father.

- I just can't find the right guy.

- Mikey will like whoever you like.

- I don't like anybody.

- You know what the secret is?

Find someone you have something

in common with, like Daddy and me.

We both like to go to the movies.

I know someone perfect for you.

He's in Daddy's firm. He's handsome

and smart. You'll love him.

Hello! Rosie didn't tell me

you were beautiful.

I'm surprised, that's usually

the first thing she says.

Come on in.

This is my son Michael. I'll get

dressed. Make yourself comfortable.

- Hi, little guy.

- Who's this yutz?

Are you watching some TV?

Don't touch that.

I don't want to watch football.

Hey, it's the bear show.

Look at that.

- Leave it on football.

- Leave it alone.

- That guy's a good actor.

- Cut it out. It's the play-offs!

You dick.

- Baby! Hot mama!

- You're such a goofball.

- Don't I look good?

- You look slightly cute.

- What are you all dressed up for?

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