Look Who's Talking Page #4

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- I've got a hot date.

You'd better call her.

I'm going to be late.

Yeah, right. You've got a date

with an accountant. 9:30 tops.

- Don't count on it.

- Besides, my woman will wait.

Harry, this is the babysitter.

I'll just get my coat.

- I'm just watching the game here.

- Yeah, I've got money on this game.

So you're an accountant?

You and Mollie will get along great.

- She's a CPA.

- I know, her mom told me.

It's got to be tough

being a mom and a CPA.

But Mollie is tough. She hates it

when guys open doors for her -

- or pick up the tab.

It really pisses her off.

- She's liberated?

- Come on. A guy babysitter?

Come here, Mikey.

Say bye-bye to Mama.

- Do this.

- Jeez!

Give it back.

This is really embarrassing.

May I just say one thing?

- You look better without it.

- I think so, too.

- Sexy.

- Yeah.

- All right, I'll leave it off.

- Great.

Bye-bye. See you.

Mikey, high-five.

- Yeah, all right.

- Who was that clown?

It was very uncomfortable.

A kind of bloated, gassy...

belchy sensation.

I'd sit down in the bathroom...

and nothing would happen.

Nothing would come out.

I called my doctor about two...

...three weeks after this started.

He said I'd better come in

and have an ultrasound.

- What was I saying?

- Ultrasound.

So I went in for the ultrasound

and they checked it out.

It wasn't gallstones.

They didn't know what it was.

The doctor said I'd better have

an upper G. I. So I went in again.

- Have you ever had a barium enema?

- Not recently.

It's disgusting,

but I did get to see my colon on TV.

Is it true that colons

look 10 pounds heavier on TV?

How so?

They never do that for me.

Get on my knee.

- Hold it. Okay.

- Get down, Mikey.

Yeah, I can do that.

Let's walk.

I'm dancing. I'm bad.

- Check me out now.

- Jump.

Hey, can I get paid?

Two, please.

Are you ready?

I'm gonna throw up,

but I like it!

Okay, shake it up.

Right on.

Ready? Shake it, Mikey.

Let's go.

Aeroplane.

Mikey's a plane.

Look at that boy.

All right.

Finally, I passed the stone.

It's the most excruciating thing

you can have, next to giving birth.

- I had a really good time tonight.

- I bet you did.

A lot of guys would feel threatened

by a woman always wanting to pay.

- What?

- Your babysitter told me.

- He did, did he?

- Yeah.

- Come here.

- No, I really have to go up.

- Come on, Mollie, it's early.

- Yeah, but I'm broke.

Jerk.

Sh*t!

I'm home.

You can go on your date now.

- Hey, Mikey!

- Sarah, how are you doing?

- I want to talk to you.

- Sorry, got to go.

Right back at you, babe.

- Hiya, Mickey.

- Look at that hat.

- Megan, good to see you.

- Mikey, where've you been?

- Did you get your hair cut?

- Yeah, what do you think?

I hate it.

My mother did it herself.

It looks great.

I used to have curls at the end.

- I remember.

- I was the one with the cute curls.

- Now they're gone.

- You're still cute.

- I look like a boy. No offence.

- Nice talking to you.

How many babies does it take

to screw in a light bulb?

- How many?

- What's a light bulb?

I don't get it.

Where's she going?

Who's that big guy?

- Who is he?

- That's okay. That's her daddy.

What's a daddy? What do they do?

The big men types

who hang around with the mommies.

I get it. Maybe I'll ask James

to be my daddy.

We'll eat all the pudding now...

- I still ain't eating it.

- Yummy.

All right, don't look at Mommy.

You've got to love her.

Watch this, Mikey.

- Now that's entertainment.

- Not in front of Mikey.

- Look at the look on his face.

- He looks like his father.

You said

you were artificially inseminated.

I was, but I never make that face.

I assume his father does.

You know what I thought

you'd enjoy doing today?

- Go to my grandfather's new home.

- You thought I'd enjoy that?

Yeah, you'd enjoy it...

Maybe you'd sign a few papers.

You are such a baby. If you want me

to do something, just ask.

Would you please come with me

to sign these papers?

- That's how you handle a woman.

- Really?

You want to go to lunch

at North Eastern Life Insurance?

- Employees get free lunches.

- We'll get caught.

I must know 20 ways

to get a free lunch in this town.

- You do this a lot?

- Sure.

I don't pay for L.D.'s, either.

Long distance phone calls.

I go up to a company receptionist.

I pretend I'm a lost messenger,

and they let me use their phone.

I wouldn't be driving this cab

if I made more instructing.

- What do flight instructors make?

- If I hustle, about 1,100...

...a month.

But I get to accumulate air time.

- Give me my bag!

- He's not stealing our bags.

- I've got my teeth in there.

- They're coming with us.

Tell him not to touch my teeth.

Welcome, gramps.

- Are we stopping for a bite to eat?

- No, this is your new place.

- They got good shrimp here?

- And lobster.

This is it. Enjoy your stay.

Grandpa, this is great.

You've got a terrific view.

No roommate to bug you. Television.

Can I talk to you for a minute?

He's got a sweet tooth.

Give him one candy bar a day.

- Just don't let him find the bag.

- No problem.

That smells good.

- Grandpa, that smells good.

- I'd like to see you eat it.

Watch this.

Let me try that.

- What do you want?

- Mollie helped us get this place.

The woman has thousands more nerves

in the sexual organs than the man.

- I bet the kid's not even yours.

- That's it! Be nice.

He's worse at this than I am.

Let me give you a hand.

Come on, taste it.

Open wide.

- Thank you for helping me.

- You're welcome.

- You want to go flying?

- That would be way too expensive.

- Maintenance flights are free.

- You get everything for free.

Free phone calls, free lunches...

You're a scam artist.

I've got the town wired. If we were

poor, we'd still live like kings.

- Fly with me.

- I'm not that kind of person.

- Come on. Are you scared?

- No, I'm not scared!

- Where are the parachutes?

- There are no parachutes.

Didn't you ever see

"The Buddy Holly Story", "La Bamba"?

There's one big difference.

They were rock legends. You're not.

- Is your wing smoking?

- No... Oh, my God!

- It was just a joke to relax you.

- I'm just so nervous.

I feel so out of control.

I'll give you your first lesson.

Put your hand on my stick.

- I'm not touching your stick.

- This is not a sexual thing.

That feels good, baby.

Get familiar with the stick.

- There you go, you're flying.

- I'm flying!

I'm doing a good job. This is easy!

What a good sensation!

- It's like great sex, isn't it?

- I personally wouldn't remember.

- He's pretty tired.

- He's had a busy day.

- Do you want a drink?

- Do you want to watch a movie?

Stop it!

Stop yelling or your father will

give you something to yell about.

Knock it off!

Princess,

you're making my mouth water.

I'm hungry.

Hold your horses, or I'll knock you

from here to kingdom come.

You know that dumpster behind

the supermarket? Look what I found.

A perfectly good head of lettuce,

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