Look Who's Talking Now Page #2

---

I asked if it was my work

and they said no, it was great.

They said I was the best,

which is why I was most expensive.

I said, "What if I'd been better?

What would you have done? Shoot me?"

You're better than that company.

Nine years and they give me a cactus.

A cactus, honey.

Excuse me.

I couldn't help overhearing.

- Really?

- I'm terribly sorry.

Don't be. This is nothing.

Financially, you don't need to worry

about a thing. You see...

...l'm negotiating a merger

with Maxim Conti.

Next month alone,

we'll be flying to Rome...

...Paris, New Zealand...

I'll just keep him as busy as I can.

That makes me feel a lot better.

I'm sure you'll find something.

Oh, honey.

It'll be okay.

- Knock, knock.

- Nobody's home.

- Knock, knock.

- Nobody's home!

- Knock, knock.

- All right, who is it?

- Buck.

- Buck who?

Buck, buck, I'm a chicken!

Mom, can I kill her?

Not before dinner.

Knock, knock.

Don't torture your mother, honey.

He's cute.

What's going on?

Where are they taking everybody?

I'm scared! I'm going to pee.

Put him back. That's my brother.

He's so fuzzy.

Is that kibble on your hat?

I like you.

- Mommy, I want this one.

- All right.

Got any treats? I'm into treats.

It's just me, huh?

So nobody wants me?

What's wrong with me?

Okay, I drool more

than some of the other guys.

And I whine a little bit, sure.

Who doesn't?

You smell good. Like cookies.

And dirt. Can I go with you?

I like you. Please?

Mikey?

- Kid, take me.

- Michael, get over here.

Please? I'll eat shoelaces

and vegetables.

I'll even eat dog food.

Kid! Don't go away!

Where are you going?

Where did you go?

Bad smell.

You don't look like dog people.

You look like snake people.

Not the neck! I hate that.

He's kind of scrawny.

I've coughed hairballs

better-looking than you.

Take him, don't take him.

- Make up your mind.

- I'll take him.

Don't let happen to him

what happened to the gerbils.

Why don't I have a good feeling

about this?

So here they are.

My new masters.

Not!

Swallowed a bug!

Tuck and roll. Tuck and roll.

Big room. Wonder where the walls are.

Who needs masters?

I can take care of myself.

What kind of dog was that?

Maybe I do need a master.

How would you like to adopt

a cute little pup?

Same to you, pal.

He was too skinny.

Probably didn't have any good treats.

Now if I was food, where would I be?

In my stomach, because I would have

eaten me already.

Fatter people. This is good.

There's gotta be treats

around fat people.

Doggie dish at 12:00.

I'm coming in.

What's this, metal food?

Hey there, little fella.

- You hungry?

- Are you kidding? I just ate a nickel.

What a guy. What do you got?

Food? You going for food?

Let me see what's in there.

Get your hand away. I'll do it.

I got it.

I would like a Ferrari Testa Rossa...

...Alien Autopsy, a Super-Squirt

Phlegm Gun with laser sight...

...a helicopter...

...a space suit...

That goob's been up there

for an hour. Get him off.

I told you, Santa doesn't want you

to be a naughty girl.

Who are you, his mother?

No, I'm a Vulcan.

- How would you like a death grip?

- Yeah, right.

- A million dollars, a toy store...

- Mom!

- Mommy!

See? I told you Mommy had a big,

important job with Santa.

- Hey, no cuts!

- A spot. Tricked you.

Hello there, everyone!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

- You look hot.

- Yeah.

- How's it going?

- It's going bad. I hate children.

I used to love them. Now I hate them.

This music is driving me nuts.

I want to hurt Bing Crosby.

Something will come for you.

- 40 interviews and no one's hired me.

- Then it can only get better.

- Maybe next year I can be a reindeer.

- Look at the perks.

Hey, guys.

What are you standing there for?

Mom's personal best friend, Santa...

...is ready to see you. Come on.

There you go.

There we go.

Merry Christmas.

- Well, how are you today...

- Mikey.

...Mikey?

- You know me?

What would you like Santa

to bring you this Christmas?

- I want a dog.

- A dog? Well, that seems...

No.

You see, Mikey...

...even Santa doesn't control

some things.

Now somewhere out there

is the absolute perfect dog for you.

Maybe he's already been born.

Maybe he hasn't. But when he is...

...believe me, I'll know...

...and you'll get him!

- So I'll get him for Christmas?

- I'll do my best.

- Thanks, Santa.

- You're welcome, Mikey.

Here's Santa.

Hello, honey.

Mommy!

Santa is not mad at you.

Now listen to Teddy.

- Is Santa mad at Julie?

- No.

- Will Julie still get presents?

- Yes.

Give me kisses.

Come on, Julie. Cheer up.

How about a pre-Christmas present?

I have to get these shoes off.

My toes are curling.

Good night, Prancer.

Good night, Dancer.

What's the matter with you?

You don't know how to write?

Yeah? You gonna send some

monkey around to bust my knees?

Hey, all right.

I'll come up

with a couple of bills for you.

I was just kidding, okay?

Yeah, and a merry to you too.

You miserable sack of...

You're a fake!

- How could you let him see that?

- You were watching him.

I was calming Julie.

- What did Mikey see?

- Nothing, honey.

- You said he was real.

- I know, you see...

The real Santa's busy,

so he sends these...

- Cousins.

- That was Santa's cousin, Sidney Claus.

He's Jewish. He's his Jewish cousin.

But you said he was real.

All right, you chipmunks,

ready to sing your song?

- I'll say we are.

- Let's sing it now.

- Okay, Simon?

- Okay.

- Okay, Theodore?

- Okay.

Okay, Alvin?

Alvin?

- Alvin!

- Okay!

Oh, Mikey, Mikey.

What do you want?

You want a pizza pie?

Great. The Cornball Family.

It didn't work.

Honey, you used to love that song.

What can we do

to make you feel better?

Just tell me the truth.

There is no Santa, is there?

Yes. There is, honey.

But you know what it's like?

I'll tell you. You know how in

Cub Scouts you have den mothers?

Well, Santa has...

...den Santas.

Mike, you want to know the truth,

right?

You don't want us to lie to you...

...and this is the truth.

You know the whole thing about...

...the North Pole?

It's just a story.

It's just a story.

Santa is...

Santa is really...

...from Finland.

Finland.

Give me a break.

- No. He is.

- How could he...

...get around the world

in a night?

- Finland Airlines.

- Correct.

And how could reindeer fly?

Freight.

And how come Rudolph's nose glows?

What is he, radioactive?

Well, how come your

grandfather's nose glows?

I have the answer to this question.

Some things in life are magic.

Santa is magic.

Magic's for babies.

Honey, nice try.

Can I play?

- With me?

- Let's get busy.

New York Centre.

New York Centre, Fox Juliet,

flight level 4-1-0. Roger.

- Knock, knock.

- Hi.

How's the meeting?

We're all posturing, making threats.

Business as usual.

Zero-5-8. Roger.

We'll have to work

through this weekend.

Do you mind staying in Boston

a couple of days?

No.

I'll buy you dinner.

You don't have to. It's my job.

So you'll keep me feeling guilty.

Rate this script:2.0 / 1 vote