Look Who's Talking Now Page #6

---

Do you have another line?

There's a fax machine here.

Oh, what's this?

It's from Conti. You read it.

I can't see without my glasses.

"Wort be in until late tonight,

possibly first thing tomorrow.

Don't leave.

Please make yourself at home."

Oh, man.

- This is dead too.

- Damn!

I gotta go.

I better stop the driver.

- He's gone.

- He's gone?

I can't miss my family's Christmas.

James, I feel absolutely

ghastly about this.

Scotch?

Let's start with something easy.

"Sit" is very popular.

- You've heard it?

- Sounds familiar.

Okay. Front paws stiff.

Butt on floor.

That's all there is to it.

That's what they've

been babbling about?

What can I say? It's a power trip.

Uh-oh, busted.

Hey, kid's mom!

Let's do the "sit" thing.

Hey, come over here. Ask me.

What's with you?

You're being affectionate?

Try guilty.

Well, you do have

a sweet side, don't you?

Yeah.

Please don't send Rocks away.

Here! Over here! Look, look, see?

I got this "sit" thing nailed.

He's decent, loyal.

Everything I'm not.

What?

What, do you miss Rocks?

I thought you hated him.

Once you get past the fleas,

he's charming.

That's the way it goes, isn't it?

First, you think

they're not good enough.

Then they grow on you,

and then you can't live without them.

Ain't it the truth.

Look, I'm just gonna walk into town

and rent a car, okay?

I'll be home in a few hours.

Okay, whatever you want to do, but...

...do you think you ought

to walk 10 miles in that?

That's him! That's my husband!

Oh, yeah? Well, a Merry Christmas

to you too, you rude bimbo!

There's the holiday spirit.

Samantha's office won't give me

the number where they are.

They're treating me

like I'm some wacko!

I know what I'll do.

I'll call Mr. Conti. I bet his

secretary will tell me where they are.

Mr. Conti's office.

What cabin?

I'm sorry.

There must be some mistake.

Mr. Conti is in the Bahamas

with his family.

James better hurry.

That bird's ready to come out.

He doesn't need to hurry, Mother.

He's having an affair.

- What?

- There is no meeting.

He and Ms. Fortune 500

are shacked up...

...in some cabin upstate.

So while I am here, peeling

thousands of little pearl onions...

...because he loves them, he's having

an affair on Christmas Eve.

Come on, now.

You don't believe that.

Well, Mother, what would you believe?

Sweetie, you remember in the war...

...when your father's ship was shelled

and he was on that island?

For 17 days, then he was rescued.

What does that have to do with this?

What you don't know was

he was on that island alone...

...with 13 USO girls.

God forbid, it wasrt Bob Hope.

Those girls had been

around the block...

...and remember, your father was

a devastatingly handsome man.

That's beautiful.

Go on, Mother. So, what happened?

Nothing. At least

he swore nothing happened.

Said they played gin rummy

the whole time.

- And you believed him?

- Of course not.

Well, Mother!

Now, wait.

Later I met some of the girls.

It turned out that he hadrt

played gin rummy the whole time.

All he did the whole time...

...was talk about me.

And I believed them.

Now, in your heart...

...do you really believe that

James would cheat on you?

Well, James, since we're stuck here,

we might as well relax.

Isn't it great?

This isn't good.

What?

What is this?

This all seems like some kind of...

Some sort of what?

Oh, I'm so embarrassed.

You think I planned this

as some sort of... Oh, God.

God, I'm wrong! Oh, man! To even

think you'd go for a guy like me!

Sit down.

I am so stupid!

You probably have someone like...

...Prince Charles in a condo,

waiting for you somewhere.

No. And no, I didn't have

any plans for tonight.

You're kidding. You were actually

going to be alone for Christmas?

- I'm used to it.

- I can't believe it.

When I was little,

I was usually at boarding school.

Where were your folks?

- Oh, I don't know. Skiing.

- Instead of being with their kid?

Their parents did it to them,

they did it to me. It was fine.

I also had a lot of advantages.

I went to the best schools.

I could speak 4 languages

by the time I was 15.

When I was 15,

I was flunking English.

I suppose I did wonder about...

Well, you know,

regular high school. Boys.

- Dances. That kind of thing.

- You didn't go to dances?

No. If I'm really honest,

I actually don't know how.

Come on. Everybody can dance.

- Everybody cannot dance!

- They can.

- No, they cannot!

- It's easy.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

He's not coming, is he?

Oh, honey, he's trying real hard

to get back tonight.

I knew it. He's not coming back.

Let's go and open some of the gifts

that Grandma and Grandpa brought.

I'm sure Santa wouldn't mind.

- There is no Santa!

- What?

There is no Santa.

Now, you stop that!

If there was, wouldn't he

let Daddy be with us?

- What's wrong? Where's Daddy?

- Oh, sweetie!

I want my daddy.

Christmas stinks.

Everybody just hold it!

I think I have an idea.

Let's open some presents.

Look what's in this. Open this one.

- I don't want one.

- I'll have it.

Ms. D'Bonne's office, please.

Hello. I am calling

from Olympic Florist...

...and I have 350 red

long-stemmed roses...

...to deliver to Ms. D'Bonne.

I need the address, please.

They're coming from a Mr...

...James Ubriacco, Ubri...

Yeah, doll, that's it. That's it.

Good. Thanks, doll.

And a Merry Christmas to you too.

Sucker.

Kids, listen to Mommy.

Go in your rooms...

...and put on warm clothes.

We're taking a trip.

Daddy, will you

put the presents in the car?

Ma, will you put the onions in some

Tupperware? Come on, let's move it!

Go! Daddy won't come to Christmas,

Christmas will come to Daddy.

Rocks, I don't feel so good.

It's fun. It's chasing

without the stupid running.

I'm going to lose my Kibbles 'n Bits.

What's this?

Touch a present and you'll be

hunting gophers for dinner.

I smell fruitcake!

- That's gotta be fruitcake.

- Rocks, I said no!

Mom. Mom, look out!

Don't worry. Mommy's just playing.

Hang on!

Stop this thing!

Are you okay?

Are you okay, honey?

Is everybody okay?

All right, good.

Now, wasrt that fun?

No.

No. All right.

Okay. Well, tell you

what we're gonna do.

Mommy's gonna figure out

how to get us out of here.

- I got an idea.

- What?

You push and I drive.

Really? Good. You have

your driver's license with you?

No.

Okay, good try.

I know. I have an idea.

Look, there's lots of pine cones here.

I'm gonna gather some up for us.

- And while I do that...

- I don't like pine cones.

Oh, you don't?

Well, okay,

then I will get you a stick.

And then you guys sing

and guard the presents, okay?

So sing a nice loud Christmas song

so Mommy can hear you.

Now what am I gonna do?

Will you stop messing me up!

Meals on wheels.

Mommy found another doggie.

That's no dog.

Hey, mama,

on your way to Grandma's house?

Hey, you! Beat it!

Ooh, I love the smell of fear.

Nice wolf.

I won't hurt you.

Nice wolf.

Rate this script:2.0 / 1 vote