Love Don't Cost a Thing

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-Be sure to lock the door.

-l'll lock it.

Hi, there. Go on in.

-Hi, Ms. Morgan.

-Oh, Alvin. l should have called you.

The kids are having a party.

lt's in full swing.

That's okay. l can still clean the pool.

They won't be in my way.

Okay. Okay.

Okay, okay. lt's about time

you made it, man.

Talking all that garbage in school.

That's you, baby. What? What?

Look at you.

There you are.

You know, l've been looking

all over for you.

Come here!

Mama's little baby.

Thank you so much

for watching over the grill.

-No problem.

-Yeah, thanks.

Forget it, man. Chicks like Paris

don't date outside the NBA.

Swim lessons, boy!

All wet.

You need some Floaties.

Get that garbage out of the pool!

Let me give you a tip, punk.

Next time you wanna crash a party...

-...don't fall in the pool.

-He's the pool boy, Ted.

lf he was in the pool,

it was for a reason, l'm sure.

Well, it's more technical than you think.

See, l was just--

Anyhoo! Come on, man.

-Let's get out of here.

-Thinks he's on the swim team or something.

Can you believe she had the nerve to ask

me what it was like being with him?

l was like, "Oh, my God."

Hello? Right now?

Dru's on TV!

A year ago, he was going to his prom.

He had his corsage

and that old-school frilly shirt.

Now he's living pro-baller style.

One hell of a jump.

-Why did you bring up the corsage?

-Because we all did it.

I bet your peoples

on the West Coast miss you.

-You probably got a girl there.

-Oh, my God.

I have a job. I play professional basketball.

That's what I do.

Otherwise, you know how it is, Stu.

I'm a free agent.

All right. Officially, he is a member

of the NBA.

Let's go back to SportsCenter.

Free agent? Free agent?

Paged him.

l'll see you in homeroom, all right?

Yo. How you guys doing?

-Did you see the update on the GM website?

-What update?

Some guy in Kentucky boosted his

power-to-weight ratio by 10 percent.

You have the best design.

New York guy gave up.

The Kentucky guy is desperate.

Don't worry about it.

Except durability. And power-to-weight.

That's where the new camshaft comes in.

lt's lighter and stronger

at the same time.

You're one of the three finalists, Alvin.

You're the man!

Hey.

We're only discussing you getting

a full-ride, four-year scholarship--

She's like a Frappuccino with hips.

-lt's like they all saw the interview.

-They did. lt was on SportsCenter.

Grande Mocha Brownie Frappuccino.

With mint hot fudge

and mint whipped cream.

Dream on.

Clearly, Alvin's not masturbating enough.

Thank God l don't have that problem.

All right, holler at your people, now.

-l'm not touching that.

-l don't want to.

l don't want to.

Yvonne's right. Act like he called

with a good explanation.

He better call, and he better have

a good explanation. Look at me.

Look at them. Not a care in the world.

lf they catch you staring, they'll send

the jocks to kick our asses.

No, they won't.

-We're invisible.

-lnvisible?

Not "invisible" invisible.

Just invisible to them.

We'd be visible if we'd walk

down that hallway.

Why can't we walk down that hallway?

lt's a hallway.

ln that community, we're immigrants

without green cards.

What? Boy, l got on high fashion

just like them. Check this out.

A fake label from the lnternet stuck

on some Wranglers. Very high fashion.

-Man, watch this.

-Walter.

-Hey, Walter.

-Walter, no!

Hell, son, you in the wrong hall, man!

l mean, l'll get you, there.

l breaks it down.

Yeah. Hey, girl.

You like how l do that?

Yo, man!

-Y'all busters stinking up our hallway again?

-No, no, dudes. lt's cool, bro.

Look. Check this.

Oh, what's up with that, Ted?

ls that the gay surrender? You a homo thug?

Man, l ought to kick your ass!

Punk.

Stay out of here.

l got on Sean Johns.

l'm gonna make me some Phat Farms.

-No, l mean, buy some.

-Don't come down this hallway again!

No, man. No, man. We can't be having that.

lt sounded great.

After you win, we should drop

this in the Galaxie.

lf l win.

No offense, but this baby's going with me.

Keep it in my dorm room.

Until l get a car.

No "if." When you win, man.

l sure hope l win.

lt'd be a nice change.

Tired of people calling us losers.

-Who says we're losers?

-What's the matter with you?

Being depressed and cynical is my job.

Man...

...we're about to graduate soon.

We never go on dates.

Never go to any dances.

We have no memories.

l mean, we're settling.

And they're not.

Clarence! Dinner's ready!

Can you turn off that music, please?

Turn off the music like you been

turning off your loving.

Alvin, honey, turn that game off.

Come on, time to eat.

Aretha, come on, honey, time to eat.

Let's go.

Gracious God.

So...

-...Alvin, got a date tonight?

-Dad, you're in denial.

Shut up, you Bride of Chucky-looking

extraterrestrial--

That's not even funny, stupid.

Well, Alvin, what do you have

planned for tonight, boy?

l'm gonna do some work on the computer.

All the schematics have to be

coded in HTML for the GM website.

Then me and the guys

will bust out some Xbox.

See that? Your son's a healthy,

heterosexual dork.

-Shut up, Lil' Kim in training!

-Both of you, hush now.

Why you always blaming me?

Go straight to the auto yard

when you get that part.

l don't like you walking

with that much cash.

-Why not? How much is it?

-$ 1500.

$ 1500?

My boy got $ 1500

cleaning swimming pools?

Yeah, and he collected it in genuine

currency, not lOUs or food stamps.

Hold on, now.

Food stamps just like money.

-Try to buy school clothes with them.

-Watch yourself.

Look, son.

Your mama right.

You know, we proud of you.

Work on your little engine and

your little school stuff and all that...

...but listen to me, son. All that working

like that without no loving?

That drive a man crazy.

You hear about students in China,

all jumping out windows...

...because they be under so much pressure.

You know why they jump?

They ain't got enough singing,

and ain't enough loving over there.

You ever heard a Chinese love song?

How many Chinese people over there?

Give me a figure. About 25--?

What, about 30 billion of them?

30 billion people ain't got a one

Barry White.

Ever seen a big old fat, black, Chinese

Barry White man? Any of them?

Hell, no, ain't gonna see one either.

Dad, l hear you on the whole dating thing.

-But sometimes you wanna hang out--

-Let me tell you something.

-Clarence!

-Oh, shut up.

Don't worry, honey, he'll call.

Speaking of calling, my cell phone

doesn't work at the resort...

-...so if you need me, call the resort.

-l know, number's on the fridge.

You know what? l'll just be a second.

l forgot to put the car in the garage.

-Can't leave my Escalade--

-You're killing me.

Come on, sweetie.

Mom, go!

-l'll put it in for you.

-Okay.

Park it and leave it.

Don't even think about cruising around

with your friends, thinking you're cute.

-l mean it. You are not on my insurance.

-Mom, stop!

Look, you give yourself no credit.

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