Love Don't Cost a Thing Page #2

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-You ain't no fool-maker.

-She's right, and we're late.

-Love you.

-Love you too.

Don't worry, honey, he will call

on one of those phones.

-l'm balling.

-Girl, your mama's wheels are tight.

Take your time. Give everyone

a chance to envy.

-Paris is rolling!

-Yo, that's hot!

-lt's Dru.

-This is perfect.

Stay on the phone with him

while we drive up.

-Too bad we don't have a speaker.

-Do l mention the interview?

Hell, yeah, you mention

the damn interview, girl.

-Just be cool.

-And sweet.

No, sweet is weak, Zoe.

-He can't see you through the phone!

-Just answer it.

-Hello, Dru?

-Who's your boo, baby?

You're my boo, baby, but why

did you have to go and dis me?

Why you sweating me?

Come on. Who loves you?

Dru loves you. Never stop, never will stop.

Don't hate the player, baby. Hate the game.

Hey, this looks pretty cool. Hopefully,

Russell Simmons doesn't kick your ass.

-Wait until the whole car looks like that.

-Then all the girls will notice us? No.

At least with the Phat Farm, we'll get

some phat booties to rub on. Talk to you!

l hate y'all, man.

Man, l'm telling you,

we'll roll up in this car...

...everybody's head's gonna be turning.

-So, baby, really, it was just publicity?

-Yeah, girl.

Hey, hold on, okay? Hold on.

He's got me on hold.

Feel like popping a cork, sugar?

-Who's that?

-Who's who?

The limo driver popped a tire. l gotta go.

Oh, no, you don't. Then say my name.

-Better say it.

-Say my name!

You better say my name.

He didn't say it.

What do you mean, he didn't say it?

-He didn't say my name!

-Look out!

Oh, she done messed the ride!

-Yo, l got an uncle that could fix that, baby!

-Better get Maaco!

OnStar emergency.

l'll stand anywhere, baby.

-Is there an emergency in your vehicle?

-Do you know how much that will cost?

-$3000?

-And about two weeks in terms of labor.

l'm a little backed up.

Can we figure out some kind of

payment schedule?

Yeah, sure. Here's what we can do.

You give me 300 now...

...and come back two weeks

from Monday with 2700.

And that's cash on delivery,

not check on delivery.

That doesn't make sense.

l just said, my mom's gonna be back

on Monday!

-ln two weeks, l'll be dead!

-Don't worry about it, honey.

Kids crash cars all the time.

That's why people get insurance.

You're not on your mom's insurance,

are you?

l'm dead.

Hey, Alvin! lt's in.

You gotta check this out.

lt's amazing how light this is.

lt's hard to believe it's a camshaft.

You know her?

-That's Paris Morgan.

-Will you explain to her...

...that two weeks and 3 grand

is the best she can hope for?

Too bad her mama's

coming home on Monday.

Out of that 3 grand...

-...how much is in parts?

-l don't know. About 1500. Why?

l'll be right back.

Paris?

-Alan?

-Alvin.

You do our pool, right?

Yeah. You know...

...Ben's quoting you a really fair price.

That's what l figured.

l'm dead.

Not necessarily.

-What?

-l can have it done by Monday.

-You can do it?

-The parts are only $ 1500.

-l can have the labor done by this weekend.

-But l don't have $ 1500.

l do.

Let's back up here.

Now, you're saying you're willing

to fix this car...

-...this weekend and pay for the parts?

-Yeah.

That's what I'm saying. Exactly.

And what exactly do you want in return?

-What, you think l'm some cheap ho?

-Wait. This has nothing to do with sex.

You don't have to do anything.

Just pretend.

Pretend to be my girlfriend

for a couple of months.

So you think that you can

buy me for $ 1500?

No, no, no. Not buy you, just rent you.

Did l mention this has nothing

to do with sex?

Why would you want people

to think that l'm your girl?

lt would make me popular.

All right. One week.

l'm your girl for one week.

It has to be...

...a month.

-Two weeks! That's my final answer.

-Okay, two weeks. Perfect.

-And you better not even think about sex.

-Yeah, yeah. Got it, got it.

-And don't even look at my booty.

-Right. No booty licking.

l mean, looking.

This is a sworn secret, right?

You can't tell anyone about our deal.

Promise?

This is one thing I can guarantee

I will never admit to anyone.

Pinky swear?

You're not late.

My dad says all women

are 15 minutes late--

You know what? Zip your mouth.

Do you own an iron?

-Come here. Let me fix this.

-All right.

All right.

-Sorry.

-The pressure, the pressure.

Sorry, sorry. l'm really ready to go now.

Hold on.

Put this on.

Whoa! Real Sean John!

All right!

This rocks!

-Okay, Alan, let's do this.

-Actually, Alvin.

Like Al Green, because my sister

is actually named Aretha.

Whatever.

Yo, grinder, go home!

-Why is he in our hallway?

-Just be cool.

-Wrong hall, cornball.

-Come on, boy.

Bozo's lost again.

Girl, you are tripping.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, guys. You guys know Al, right?

Why is Tito Jackson here?

Come here, girl. We gotta talk.

-Why is he rolling with you?

-Look, we're friends, all right?

l'm just hanging with him. Okay?

No, we're friends. Have you lost your mind?

Look at him.

He looks like a buggawuf.

lt's gonna ruin your reputation.

Hello? l'm the one hanging

with him, not you guys.

Okay, but as the old saying goes:

"Tell me who your friends are,

and l'll tell you who you are."

Well, as the new saying goes:

"Tell me who your friends are, Yvonne,

and l'll tell you who you wanna be."

-No, she didn't.

-Oh, yes, l did.

Hurry up.

Alvin, did you twist your ankle

or something?

No. l'm just walking.

Nice job sewing on that Sean John

label, buddy. Let me see that.

Wait a minute. ls this real?

Real Sean John?

-Where did you get this?

-Paris Morgan. She let me borrow it.

Give it back!

Paris Morgan?

You expect us to believe

she lent you a sweatshirt?

Why is that so hard to believe?

Because it would imply that

she would speak to you.

Not only did she speak to me,

we walked together. Lingered.

We even had small conversation.

Paris Morgan had this actual sweatshirt

on her actual body?

-Yeah.

-Let me smell it one more time.

Don't be that way, brother!

That's a nice scent.

Wait, it's on fire!

-Hose it down!

-Put it out!

-Turn the water on.

-What's going on, Mr. Johnson?

Okay, it's out!

-"Sean Jo."

-Could be Asian.

Sean Jo.

-Smell like burnt Paris Morgan now.

-That's how hot she is.

That was a good one.

Okay, okay. Ladies, look and learn.

Keep it gangster!

-Now, what do you call that?

-High maintenance.

Dang, Ted. Didn't realize

you were so talented.

Yo, Paris, you're the one who went

to the Halle Berry School for Driving.

-Yeah, how you gonna fix that?

-lt's already fixed.

Oh, come on, Ted.

When homegirl is all quiet

and humble about it...

...it's because her rich

and famous boo, Mr. Dru...

...paid for all that

to be corrected immediately.

What's he gonna think

when he finds out...

...you're volunteering for special ed,

rolling with that retard, Alvin?

You're the last person to be commenting

on someone's mental health, Kadeem.

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