Love Don't Cost a Thing Page #4

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You can't be serious.

Alvin, we've had one rejection

after another.

Now, are those the kind of victories

you really want in life?

No, not really.

Then l say we do something about it.

Come on.

What happened to your hair?

Probably need to roll your pants up

just a little bit.

Oh, see, these is Sean John.

So l gotta get my swing on.

Son, what has happened to your priorities?

Oh, no, see, it was all about

what was under the hood.

Now l'm trying to be on top

of the hood.

Because l'm a baller-tician...

...on a mission. Holler.

Urkel has gone gangster.

Probably need to go in here,

say something to this boy.

Here we go.

Your mother wants me to talk to you

about what's gotten into you.

But what l wanna talk about

is who you're getting into.

What is that, boy? What is that?

You'll need more money

if you're trying to scratch that kitty-cat.

Let me help you out, son.

Thanks, Dad.

Boy, been waiting a long time

for that right there. And that's not all.

Got it for you right here.

Yeah.

Dad, l think l still have a few left

from the boxful you gave me last night.

Boy, you won't use these cheap suckers

right here. These is for practice.

Come here, let me show you what

l'm talking about. Sit down right there.

Listen to me. You gotta be able

to know how to do this...

...with the ease of a true player.

Because nothing kill a mood quicker

than you sitting up there wrestling...

...trying to get your raincoat

on your little rascal.

Now, go on,

open one of them, right there.

Take your time.

Work with it. There.

Okay.

That was good, son.

That was real good. Two problems.

Number one, too slow,

girl probably asleep.

Second problem, you used two hands.

You a Johnson.

We one-hand people.

Make you look a lot smoother.

Here we go.

Little rusty, that's all.

Sorry about that, boy.

l want you to practice unrolling one.

No, don't worry about that.

You a Johnson.

l got you, right here.

Go on, slide that on there.

You practice on that right now.

l'll be right back.

Here we go, right here.

All the practicing in the world

ain't gonna do you good...

...if you kill too much time

and you lose the mood.

l'm about to give you my number one,

smooth-groove jam...

...guaranteed to set the mood

just like you need it.

Stay with me, boy. This big.

Go on, feel it.

Come on, now,

you're Clarence Johnson's boy.

Wet your lips.

Gotta get them wet. Go on.

You got them wet like that?

Now, there it is.

You know what?

She wants you now.

You're a Johnson man.

All you got to do is lay back...

...let her come on into your world.

Let her slide right on up on the kitchen.

Because you fixed to start cooking.

Oh, yeah.

Just go to work. When you hold her,

got to get her like that.

She starts sliding right on down

where you got to have it.

Get up under there.

lt's all good for you.

Then you make your move.

You slide around on her.

Then you're in control.

Lock on. Here we go!

Along for the ride, baby!

You gonna learn to scratch that kitty-cat

and you're gonna love it!

You can run but you can't hide!

That's why they call you Johnson!

ls that what you're teaching our son?

The boy going to get some.

The boy been working hard

trying not to go crazy.

Maybe you ought to just let the boy

have some fun.

ls that our song?

Sounds like it to me.

Really?

Watch out, now.

Let me help you with that.

-Hold up, might need a little rope.

-Daddy, don't you do it.

-Paris?

-lt's her mother.

God. Get up out of my bushes!

What is your problem?

-Are you okay?

-l'm cool.

You were just here.

Did l forget to pay you last week?

-No, actually--

-Hey, Mom. l'm out of here.

Love you, see you.

Sorry.

These kids.

So you know all this stuff about cars.

Now, you mean, you've never thought

about getting one of your own?

Not to brag or anything,

but l was chosen as one of three finalists...

...in the General Motors

Young Engineers Competition.

lt's for a full-ride scholarship.

Dang! Look at you.

Here l am sweating you, player,

about not having a car...

...and you know how to make one.

l hope you win.

Yeah.

l think l definitely could have won.

You know, the design was great,

it ran awesome.

lt just needed a stronger,

lighter camshaft.

What, am l missing something?

How come you didn't go out and buy one?

lt cost $ 1500.

Are you serious?

There's still a chance.

And if not, hey,

l got all my life to be an engineer.

The last semester in high school...

...only comes around once.

l haven't really been on too many dates

in the last 16 or 17 years.

l hope l do okay.

You'll do great.

Slide over. You drive.

Nice Expo. Problem is, it's a '98.

What the hell do you know about cars?

Well...

...'98s, there's a little shortage

in the battery cable.

lt's nothing a rubber insulation

can't fix, though.

Pulling out a condom.

Go ahead, check it out.

Give it a try.

You're gonna fix my car with a rubber?

Yeah.

When you were doing your thizzle earlier,

you were off the hizzle.

Yeah. What kind of car do you drizzle?

-Drizzle--?

-He's designing and constructing one...

...from the ground up...

...which, as of yet, has no reference

in layman's terms.

Yeah, so basically, you don't have a car.

Well, l never had a rich pops

to buy me anything...

...so l'm just a working man

trying to come up.

Yeah, you cool, man.

l'm not feeling this cat.

So let me tell you about the time

when l was fixing this police car...

...on the side of the highway.

She had that outfit on, the brown one--

-Hey, baby.

-l need to talk to you.

Now.

Fellas, y'all have to excuse me.

You are a genius! This is working great!

You're so brilliant.

-You look upset.

-l am.

-At what?

-While you were fronting...

...like you're some player,

l was outside waiting for you.

We have a deal.

-We walk the hall together, remember?

-Sorry--

Look, Alvin, l think you're starting

to feel yourself a little too much.

l do not do that.

My mother said you'll go blind!

Whatever.

Look, just don't ever

keep me waiting again.

-Hey, we'll catch up with y'all.

-All right, guys.

l can't believe this, dude....

What's the matter?

l mean, l said l was sorry.

l got caught up.

l was hanging with my friends--

The friends who gave you

a pepperoni facial?

Look, we squashed all that.

lt's a lot of work, Alvin.

The whole interior.

We wanted you to be there.

Okay, look.

We'll get together this weekend,

we'll work on the car.

lt'll be like old times.

We'll have a good time.

Great, Friday night. We'll get to work on

reupholstering the inside of the seats--

Friday, Friday....

-l can't do it. l got plans.

-Well, Saturday, then.

Saturday's not good for me either.

You know what?

Sunday afternoon.

Yeah. Great. Sunday.

Yeah.

-Gonna introduce me?

-You met them in fourth grade, remember?

What's going on?

What's the deal?

Life is good. You all right?

Hello?

Paris?

Yo, Paris!

What are you doing

just walking in my house?

The door was open. My bad.

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