Love Don't Cost a Thing Page #6

---

was a little boob action?

That was all he wanted.

-Was it good?

-l was good.

Hello. What happened to the pact that we

wouldn't date each other's ex-boyfriends?

This ain't Burger King.

You can't always have it your way.

Come on, Zoe.

Something is rotten in the hood.

At first, l was gonna plan

a sort of blackmail angle on him.

Then, after a great deal of research...

...l realized he has nothing of value.

So, here l am. l'm telling you.

He paid that girl to be his friend.

Aretha, now, your brother

would never do such a thing.

Pops, Moms, what's the deal?

Hey, yo, no time for the victuals,

l gotta do my thug thizzle.

Gotta have the pimp juice.

l'll holler.

Al, is there something that you want

to tell us about your engine part, son?

That engine part

that is so very important to your future.

You know what? That's a long story.

l'll put you up on game later on tonight.

Let's make a long story short.

Did you or did you not squander

your future on some tramp girl?

Moms...

...nobody uses the word

"tramp" anymore.

You know, it's more like

"chickenhead" or "hootchie."

Plus, it's my future.

And that's my ride to school.

School? Liar. Today is Senior Ditch Day.

You know what?

Little biscuithead is right.

l'm gonna go to the beach,

check out some breezies...

...put my feet in the water

and kick it with my crew.

And l could have lied to y'all,

not even told y'all, but y'all my folks.

And l ain't got nothing but love for you.

Let me get that.

-Peace out.

-l told you so. l told you so. l told you so.

The money he had for the engine,

that's what he used to pay that girl.

Well, then that's gonna have to end

right now.

Go on, get your purse.

Yo, what's up, Al?

Hi, Alvin.

Wait.

Let me do that for you.

Good looking out.

Why are these B's following us?

Us? Why? We ain't on no date right now.

Don't be mad.

l can't bring sand to the beach.

Damn, man.

These shorties is really sweating you.

Like gym socks.

-Man, you doing it, baby.

-Yo, pimp, pimp, hooray.

l ain't mad at you.

Hey, Kadeem. l need to rap with Al.

Handle that.

So, what's up, shorty?

Shorty, huh?

Look, l was thinking maybe

we should still hang out sometime.

As friends.

You're a great listener.

So l guess your boy Anthony's neck didn't

taste as good as you made it look?

Please. He's old and tired.

Yeah. And now since l'm the coolest

thing since shoestrings...

...you trying to get laced, right?

Al.

lf l'd known you was for sale,

l would've bought you sooner.

Now, you need to slow your roll.

How dare you stand in my face

popping that noise? Are you crazy?

Look, l made you "Al."

l will work overtime to break you, Alvin.

You got that?

You can't break a real man, baby.

l'm waiting for you.

You gonna have to excuse me.

l'm all booked up.

-Auditioning prom dates.

-Yeah.

Now, there's a real catch.

She's given more rides than Greyhound.

Yeah, but l bet you it won't cost me

$ 1500 for a ticket.

Yeah. You don't have nothing

to say now, do you?

Whatever.

You don't need her no more, boo.

-Yeah. That's what l'm talking about.

-Come on, let's dance.

Dance?

Do you really care about me?

Of course l do, girl.

Well, prove it.

l always used to watch you. Yeah.

And you....

You inspired me...

-...to write you a song.

-Really?

Yeah. Yeah. lt goes like this.

Olivia, me and you

We will rise

Despite our fears inside

Rumor has it today's Senior Ditch Day.

Dru Hilton.

What's the deal, baby?

What brings you out here?

Came to see Paris, man.

Where she at? Where she at?

Yo. Thirty points last game?

l'm balling, baby. What you know?

What you know?

What's up? What's going on, dog,

you know what l'm saying?

Dru.

lt's been a while.

l wasn't expecting you in town so soon.

You know, team got in a day early,

so l thought l'd surprise you.

What do you say you and l

get out of here, just the two of us?

You give me a chance to apologize.

All right.

Let me get my things.

Damn, brother. lt's that easy, huh?

Hey, hey, hey. Look, what goes

on the road, stays on the road.

Besides, this girl, she's my first love. She

can't even picture being with anybody else.

Yo, one of you fools

been trying to get with Paris?

-Which one of you? Which one of you?

-Yo, chill, Dru, all right? lt wasn't me.

She was Al Johnson's girl. Not mine.

-Who?

-Al Johnson, man.

See, the only Al Johnson l know

is Alvin Johnson.

Yeah, he getting shorties now.

Aquaman.

All right.

What's wrong?

Why you looking at me like that?

l hear you got yourself a new man.

-Really, it's not--

-Whatever. Whatever.

l didn't come back here

for you to lie in my face.

We're done.

-No. No, look. Wait.

-Get off me. Get off me!

l swear. Look, l haven't moved on, Dru!

-Alvin!

-Yo, Paris, where you going?

Al, get out there. l need you

to go tell Dru about our deal.

l'm kind of in the middle of something--

Alvin, Dru is about to leave.

Please, just go tell him the truth.

The truth is that we were dating,

l got over you, and that was that.

-Al! Dru is--

-Paris, stop it.

You're making a fool of yourself.

Oh, so you won't tell Dru the truth...

...because you're afraid that they'll find out

that you paid me to be your friend?

Well, guess what. They just found out.

He just wanted to be popular.

So he spent 1500 bucks on me

to hang out with him for two weeks.

That's the truth.

Well, technically,

the money was spent on the car.

Olivia. What about our song?

We will rise

Despite those who burning us

-She burning us with the lie--

-Shut up.

Didn't have to push me.

That's my song! l wrote those words.

Yeah, what's that old saying?

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"?

Can l get an amen?

A hallelujah?

l was just trying to quote,

you know, an old philosopher.

l think it was Pimping Ken

or Aristotle or Chris Rock.

Serves him right.

Let's go. Come on, let's go.

Hey, y'all, wait up. Anthony. Ted.

Ted. Anthony.

Maybe l should just try

and look past all of this.

Girl, you know Dru loves you.

He'll take you back.

No, l mean....

You know what l've been thinking, Zoe?

After graduation, l was thinking

of moving to San Francisco.

You know, take singing lessons. l mean,

l've been learning how to play guitar, girl.

Oh, get real, girl.

You're never gonna be

Alicia Keys or Norah Jones.

You're gonna be the wife of an NBA star.

Life doesn't get any better than that.

Hello? Paris?

Paris?

l need to talk to you, son.

Dad, l got all the condoms l could use.

Probably won't be needing any

in the near future.

Well, look. Why don't you get up, son...

...because your future is what l'm here

to talk to you about.

That's right. l got your camshaft.

Now, you probably gonna have

to work like hell to pay this thing off...

...but l don't want you to worry about that

till you finish that engine up.

lt's probably too late.

And l have to rebuild the engine

to the new camshaft...

...then retest it.

lt's a lot of work.

Okay, then get off your ass

Rate this script:4.2 / 6 votes