Madea's Big Happy Family Page #11

I got to talk to him.

I need to give him my number.

"1-800-Choke-That-Ho."

Does he ever say, "It's not my child"?

- Just ghetto at its best.

- I don't even like this show. Turn it...

Turn it...

Turn it up. Turn it up.

- Yeah, she's nuts.

- Would you call him a deadbeat dad?

- She's crazy. And he crazy to be with her.

- I think I would.

- Cora.

- I'm coming.

Hey, Brown, how's your ass?

- It fine.

- Funky.

What y'all doing sitting here...

What's the matter?

Y'all look mad. What the doctor say?

Some bad news, Brown?

- He's fine.

- Ask her, Cora.

- You ask.

- Ask her.

Madea, who's my daddy?

I knew that was coming.

I knew that was coming.

What are you talking about?

All of the money I gave you

for child support on this child

and you don't even know who her daddy is?

Oh, bastard. You gave me $18 in 18 years.

Shut the hell up. There wasn't no montey.

What y'all talking about?

What you talking about?

Madea, we had blood work

done at the hospital today,

and Dr. Evans said there's no way possible

Mr. Brown could be my daddy.

So I ask you, who is her daddy?

Ya'll need to go on

Maury, too. Call Maury.

The doctor say that?

- Yes.

- Yes.

Who's my daddy, Madea?

If Charlie Brown ain't your dad,

then I don't know who it is.

Madea, how could you not know

who my daddy is?

I hate to tell you this, honey,

but your mama was a ho.

I was a ho.

I put the "H" and the "O" in ho.

- Who's my daddy, Madea?

- Okay, all right. I'm gonna tell you.

Joe, shut up. Don't you say nothing.

Who is it? He can tell me.

Who is it, Uncle Joe?

Now this was before Hilary and after Monica.

- What?

- What?

Bill Clinton is my daddy?

Bill Clinton was not your daddy.

Okay. No, no.

It was before he started that show

with Sybil and J. Anthony on the radio.

I believe that might have been him.

Tom Joyner is your daddy.

Cora, I knew it. I knew it.

- Oh, oh, oh. Ho! Ho! Ho!

- Uncle Joe.

Tom Joyner ain't you dad, hon.

Look, y'all stop asking me

all these questions, honey.

That's your daddy right there.

I'm telling you.

They made a mistake at the hospillar.

That is your daddy.

I'm gonna find out.

Dana'll tell you anything you wanna know.

Call Dana.

- Dana? Who is Dana?

- Yeah, who is Dana?

They both dumb as hell.

You don't know what Dana is?

They've been using Dana

to find people out for years

who the daddy or who the mama, Dana.

And when you kill somebody, the crime,

they use Dana to get

all the evidence on you.

Dumbass. You need to watch

some television sometime.

Learn something.

Jackass don't know what Dana is. Hell.

D-N-A. D-N-A. That's Dana.

Lord, you're so dumb.

- Nobody called no Dana.

- No Dana.

You know what here? That's your daddy.

I don't even want to be bothered

with this no more.

I done told you the truth. You don't like

what the hell I got to say, that's the truth.

I'm sorry.

I know you don't want him to be your daddy,

I didn't want him to be your daddy either.

That was the worst 36 seconds of my life.

Right there sitting next to you.

- I'm out of here.

- You told me a minute.

Girl, he messing with you.

Maury.

The DNA does not lie.

If you want to find out who the father

of your child is call this number.

- Mama!

- Yes, baby. I'm your mama.

Mama, why are you in here?

I've been sick a long time.

Mama, why didn't you tell us?

I tried to tell all y'all.

Tammy, quit all that crying.

Now, where Kimberly?

We've all been trying to call her.

She won't pick up her phone.

Mama, what's wrong?

I wanted to tell all of y'all together.

I guess that's too late.

I got cancer...

I let it go a long, long while.

I prayed the whole way over here.

I told God if you just

feel a little bit better,

I'll do right.

I don't care who my mother is, all right?

I don't.

Because you're my mother.

I'm gonna do right. But

you gotta get better.

You gotta get better.

You're gonna have to get right on your own.

- I'm dying, baby.

- No.

- I'm so tired.

- No.

Y'all got to get right with Jesus

so I can see you again.

Mama, let's just do

what you taught us to do.

We'll pray that God heals you.

I prayed he'd heal me,

but whether it's on this side or in heaven,

it's all right.

Don't talk like that.

Tammy,

now you look at me. I ain't scared.

You don't feel bad for me.

You feel bad for somebody

that don't know Jesus. Okay?

I'm just going home.

I'm just going home.

Jesus.

Where's Kimberly?

She's not returning my calls.

Tell her I waited on her.

Tell her I love her.

I love all of you.

You got...

You got to be strong.

And all y'all got to come together.

You gonna come together.

- Mama.

- Mama. Mama.

Shirley.

I'll see you tomorrow morning, John.

Thank you.

No, I had to visit my

mother at the hospital.

I'm sure she's okay. Thank you so much.

I'll call you back. All right.

Where were you?

I had things to do. This

is my family, Calvin.

This is not your business.

I called you for hours.

Yeah, I know. I got your message.

What makes you think I would

return you or Tammy's calls?

- Where is my mother?

- She's in 208. Listen...

She died, Kimberly.

What?

She... She died.

Mama?

Mama. Mama!

No!

No, no, no. Mama, I'm sorry.

Mama, I'm sorry!

I've got to say, if we could

see Sister Shirley up in heaven,

this is what Shirley would say.

Come on, Sister Laura.

Glory to God! Thank you, Father.

We sang it at the funeral.

I don't want to hear, "This is your mommy."

I could've had grandkids.

I don't wanna hear that.

I don't wanna hear that.

At all. Please.

But I just wanna thank ya'll for coming.

- It was a nice service.

- Yes.

- Was it?

- Yes. Yeah.

You should've came, Madea. That nice

dress, you should've came to the funeral.

You know I ain't going to no funeral.

All that noise, that loud singing,

slow walking, working on my nerve, child.

I can't be bothered with that.

People dead, they dead.

I ain't fittin' to be bothered with all

that. All right now. Good to see y'all.

Are you okay?

My mother just died. What do you think?

Look, I'm just trying to be here for you.

Well, I don't want you to be here for me,

Calvin.

- Kimberly.

- No. Please.

Lord have mercy...

See, no, you better get her, Byron.

Hey, stop that. Stop that. Stop that.

Hey, hey, hey. Stop it.

Stop it. Stop it.

Lord have mercy. It's always the same thing.

Hey, hey! Shut the hell up!

Sound like a siren.

Come in here and sit. Shut up!

Sit down, you black leprechaun,

looking like you out of a box of

Chocolate Lucky Charms.

Whole family. I'm sick of this.

Now look here.

Your mama was a peaceful woman.

She did not want all this foolishness.

She did the best she could with y'all,

but all of y'all act like

y'all ain't got no sense.

You, little leprechaun.

Let me tell you something...

Stop using that baby to

make this man's life miserable.

That's right.

I didn't ask for no amen from you.

I will punch...

I will punch the hell out of you.

Say something else.

The man don't want you.

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