Madea's Big Happy Family Page #3

Well, then I tell you what,

let's do a nursery rhyme for the baby.

Row, row, row your ho

Up and down the street

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily

She's just a piece of meat

Whatever!

That's what I don't like about her.

That's why I get high.

That's why I have to stay high.

Tell me again why we're here.

Listen, my mother wanted

all of us to come over, okay?

I have better things to do

than sit at your mama's house.

I mean, I don't know what's worse,

the baby poop or the smell of moth balls,

or that Bam thing.

Listen, baby, will you...

Will you please let me just find out

what's going on first?

After that I will take you home.

How are you gonna take me home?

You ain't got no car.

Every time I come over here,

it's some drama.

You remember your apartment

and your Benz?

Don't you miss it?

Yeah. Yeah.

Just like I miss going to jail, right?

And wasn't I right there by your side?

You? But you wasn't in there.

All you gotta do is make one little drop

and get us enough money to get a place.

Instead of spending the night

at my sister's house

and me sneaking up here in your mama's

house in the middle of the night.

Come on, Byron, don't you wanna be

alone with me in our own place?

It's just one drop.

Listen, stop talking about that

kind of stuff around my son.

Boy, he don't know what I'm saying.

- Renee.

- What?

You are not gonna get caught.

Roscoe said you were one of his best guys

when you were slinging.

Come on, Byron.

See, when I first met you, you had heart.

Look, and I got heart!

And I also got a job, too.

And that's enough for us right now.

I'm out of the game.

Look, I love you, Byron, I really do,

but that little 10 an hour you're making

is not taking care of me or you.

I don't wanna talk about this no more.

Okay?

Okay. Fine.

I told you to go right and you go left.

- Okay.

- I can't stand you sometimes, Harold.

Had you did what I told you to do

we would have been here 15 minutes ago.

- Yeah...

- I told you this boy has to pee.

- Yeah, but he's all right.

- What up, people? What up, Bam?

- I wanna go to the bathroom.

- Hey, baby.

You know where the bathroom is, boy.

Come on.

Wait a minute, that boy is 10 years old

and y'all still taking him to the bathroom?

I told her to stop babying these kids.

What did you say, Harold?

He said he told you

to stop babying these children.

I did not say...

- Shut up, you did.

- I didn't say that...

- Hey, Tammy.

- Why would you... You're a tattletale.

- Calvin!

- Hey, Shirley, how are you?

- Where is Kimberly?

- You know your daughter, she's working,

...but she'll be here.

- Oh, well.

- Harold.

- Shirley.

It's so good to see my two fine son-in-laws!

- Yes, ma'am. - Wait a minute,

I only see one fine one, hon.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Aunt Bam.

Child, I don't smoke that much, shut up.

Don't turn that...

Don't... Leave that alone.

Now...

Thank you very much.

You didn't hear me say don't touch?

Harold, you better get your child.

H.J., stop that now,

you see grown folks talking now.

Punk-ass.

See this? Look at this right here.

I tell you what...

- Bam, don't kill him! Don't kill him!

- Sit down.

Touch it again.

Don't kill him, Aunt Bam!

Look, Harold can let that child act like

he wants to if they want to.

Oh, I got another one, honey.

Touch it again. Touch it.

Touch it, Shaka Zulu. Touch it.

- Harold, you don't see this?

- He's just a kid.

- You know these new kids, they do...

- Shut up!

He's a kid that needs to know

who the parents are, Harold.

What do you expect, Aunt Bam?

They let these kids run around

like they have no home training at all.

That's why I don't allow my son

around these children.

Baby...

- What did she just say?

- Tammy, calm down.

She said she don't want her children

around your children

'cause your children act like fools.

They look like fools, they dress like fools.

- Look at them, they're just foolish.

- Thank you.

I know you're not talking about my children.

My boys that I'm raising?

She punked you. You look like a sucker.

See?

This is why I didn't even wanna

come over here to begin with.

Girl, you barely spend time

with Mama anyway.

Being here ain't gonna kill you.

Come on, girls, now calm down.

Why are y'all

blowing up my phone up anyway?

Wait a minute,

your mama told me to call y'all over here.

- For what?

- I just wanted to see you, that's all.

Mama, you know I got things to do.

Well, at least stay

and have dinner with me. Please?

- Please?

- In the middle of the week?

It's bad enough we do this on Sundays.

Princess,

when was the last Sunday

that you came over here not to eat with us?

I'm sorry, I must not have been here.

What year was that?

You don't remember either, do you?

That's it.

Mama, I don't like you begging her.

Come on in the kitchen

and help me get this food together,

I need somebody to go into the garage

and get the ice.

- Me.

- I'll do it.

Hey. Hey, wait for me.

Don't y'all leave me...

What am I supposed to do with it?

I don't know, hold it?

Sit... Don't play with me.

Sit down, baby, and hold the baby

over there. They'll be back, trick.

- What?

- You heard what I said, broad.

I don't stutter.

Touch the TV. Touch it!

I don't like none of you.

You make me sick, all y'all.

- Man, I'm so glad to be out of the house.

- Got it, Calvin?

- Ain't that right?

- I'll tell you what,

this ice is warmer

than your sister Tammy any day.

Hey, hey, hey. You better calm down.

Look, man,

I know it's your sister and I'm sorry,

but sometimes, man, she makes me so...

You better be quiet.

You know she can hear you.

Y'all be playing, but she can

really hear like that. I mean, like a dog.

What is wrong with your sisters, Byron?

Man, what is wrong with women period?

Sabrina, for instance, right?

Man, that girl know

I only make $1,000 a month.

And I still send her 300.

- Three hundred?

- Man, the girl still ain't satisfied.

As soon as I give her the money

you know what she wants to tell me?

- What she say?

- "Wait a minute! Hold up!

"Hold up! That ain't enough!"

Got the weave and all.

"That ain't enough! I need more!"

- So you know what I do?

- What do you do?

I give her more.

But then, look, the next time I see her

she's in some new clothes.

Why don't you just start buying

the baby stuff and give it to her yourself?

I tried that. All she do

is take the clothes back and get the money.

- What?

- Yeah.

No, no, young buck.

You got to take the tags off the clothes.

What, did you think I didn't do that?

I did that, too.

Then she takes the clothes and tries to

sell them to everybody in the neighborhood.

I am telling y'all, man, she's crazy.

I just... I just want my son to know

that I'm out here doing the right thing.

But she's telling everybody

something different, you know?

Man, what am I supposed to do?

You got to keep Peter in the gate,

you understand me?

Wait, wait, wait. Hold up.

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