Madea's Big Happy Family Page #4

I know you ain't talking.

Yeah, you ought to think about

that next time you and Tammy

decide to have some more

of them little demon seeds y'all got.

- Demon seeds?

- Yeah, you.

My kids ain't bad like that.

Look, man, your kids are out of control.

You got to do better.

Well, she won't let me discipline them.

She won't!

And after a while I just stopped.

Look, I don't know what's wrong with her.

We argue all the time,

every time I turn around,

I was trying to do something,

she's just driving me crazy!

I'm dealing with the same thing

with Kimberly.

She's always mad.

I don't know what to do with her.

And it seems like the longer

that we're married, the worse it gets.

You know what, maybe her and Tammy are

going through menopause or something.

No, it ain't no menopause. Tammy...

Tammy...

Tammy was like that when we first met.

Yeah.

As soon as we got together

she was yelling at me.

Wow.

- What?

- And you still married her.

Yeah. But it's worse now.

'Cause now she won't look at me, I can't

touch her, I can't even come near her,

and we ain't had sex in over a year.

Oh, Lord Jesus, please kill the visuals.

I'm bound up.

Why do it sound like

both of y'all in prison?

I'd get more love in prison.

Coming home to a house that you're paying

for, and there's no peace, is prison.

I don't know

how much longer I can take this.

- So what are you saying, man?

- Something's got to give.

- Well, do you love my sister?

- Yeah.

- All right, man.

- Sometimes that's not enough, Byron.

I hear you on that, but, dawg,

you ain't got but six years in.

Next week it will be 17 years for us.

- You know what, something's got to give.

- Yeah.

- You know, we need to hang out more.

- We need to talk on the phone

...and support group or something.

- We need to go to a strip club.

Wait, wait, wait, now,

hold up, hold up, hold up.

Before y'all both go jumping

into the deep end,

I know my sisters, all right?

All y'all got to do is just

do something nice for them.

Calvin, why did you take Kim

to one of them fly spots, man?

Nice restaurant, let her relax a little bit.

And Harold, find my sister a nice

anniversary gift or something like that.

Anniversary gift?

Like what? What you think, though?

I don't know. Some flowers, something.

Okay. Okay, I'm gonna try that.

I can't believe

I'm taking advice from an 18-year-old.

Hey, hey, I know something

about them ladies. You see how I do.

I got two fighting over me right now.

Yes, you do.

Hey, y'all smell that?

That's weed.

Aunt Bam. What are you doing?

Yes.

What? I'm hunting wabbits.

What the hell y'all think I'm doing?

- Byron?

- Yes, ma'am.

I think your baby mama's about to kill

your girlfriend.

What? Baby mama?

Yeah. Sounds like she got her

in a choke hold.

- All right, Byron, you better get...

- No...

- No, no, no, no!

- Byron.

Byron, how you gonna disrespect me by

having one of your tricks holding my baby?

Listen, we ain't together, okay?

You know what, where my money at, Byron?

Who are you calling a trick, retard?

Byron, you told her

about my IQ test scores?

For real? That's how you feel it?

- What are you talking about?

- You make me sick.

You so ugly with your yellow self,

and you, start with me.

Go ahead, start with me. Jump, frog, jump.

You know what, Shirley, I know

you wanted me to come to this dinner,

but I really can't do this. I can't have

my baby around this trash, I got to go.

I really wanted you to stay for dinner.

Mama?

No, Ms. Shirley, no. No, ma'am,

no ham, no turkey. Just let me go.

I already had a rough day at work

with some crazy old woman

that needs to be in jail, for real, though.

Speaking of jail,

I hear you're back on the streets, Byron.

- What?

- Selling dope.

You know what I'm talking about.

I wish.

Mama, she's lying.

Well, then the whole block is lying,

Ms. Shirley.

Don't listen to her, okay?

Look, she just wants you to be mad at me,

that's all.

I just wanna know if I can get a dime bag.

Oh, God, I got to check on my biscuits,

see if my...

Oh, my God, what I got a lie for, Byron?

Stop. Stop. Stop.

Girl... I swear to God!

Keep playing with me.

I'll have 5-O on your ass in 2.5 seconds.

I want my money.

How are you gonna give

this chick all this money

but you can't even give me

$300 for your son?

You're a trifling ass father, Byron.

- Stop. Stop it.

- You was a trifling ass father, Byron.

Listen. Hey, hey, hey.

Hey. Shut up! Be quiet!

Listen.

- Shut the hell up.

- Please, thank you.

You know I give you money every month.

Oh, my God, I'm so happy that I got

this little job at this little burger joint,

because it looks like I'm gonna have to be

the man of this relationship, too.

We? Us? We ain't in no relationship. At all.

Never. Ever.

Boy, you know you want all this,

this almondy stuff.

Listen, can I get that dime bag, though?

- Aunt Bam...

- Oh, my God.

I gotta get out of here. Let me go.

Come on. Your father don't want you.

But it's all right.

We're gonna be all right. Excuse me.

- "Father," with a "V"?

- Yeah.

- "Faver," mother...

- Watch your mouth.

- Excuse me.

- Okay. Keep it walking.

I did the best I could to raise you

and you're gonna do this again?

Mama, the girl is lying.

You are gonna go back to jail.

What is wrong with you, boy?

- Ever since your father died...

- Look, Mama, she's lying.

Look, if you don't believe me,

then I might as well go out here and do it.

That's if you believe her.

Mama, I'm not selling no dope.

Mama, look at me.

I'm not doing nothing.

I wouldn't keep no secrets from you.

Just like you wouldn't

keep no secrets from me.

I get it.

You can believe it if you want to.

Renee!

We out.

Shirley, look, look, look.

Look, look, look, look.

Quick, look, look, look.

Mother, we're leaving, too.

I have to pick up my son from daycare.

Mama wants to have dinner with you.

I don't get...

You have dinner with her.

I'm sure there's enough for you

and your herd.

Girl, I will stump a mud hole

...in your skinny, bougie...

- A mud...

- Honey...

- Don't touch me, Calvin.

I'm sorry, Ms. Shirley. See ya.

- Aunt Bam.

- All right.

Jiggle, jiggle, pull 'em apart.

You ain't had that happen in a long time,

have you?

No, but... Tammy.

Bye, Calvin.

I feel sorry for you

that you have to go home with that.

What's a mud hole? What is it?

Aunt Bam, you're too high.

I would love to see that, I tell you.

Harold, H.J., Will, come on.

Well, that went nice.

When am I gonna tell them

with them behaving that way?

Shirley, listen, I don't know,

we'll figure something out, baby, please.

But I want 'em all

together so I can tell 'em.

You're gonna ruin my high, honey.

You're gonna ruin it. You're gonna ruin it.

I know you wanna tell 'em.

Hey, y'all, Mama wants y'all...

She's gonna tell y'all something.

Bam, you need to stop all that smoking.

You need to smoke something.

We've been arguing...

- Shut the hell up.

- All right.

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