Madea's Big Happy Family Page #8

selling dope,

and I better have my money then.

- Come on...

- Let's go.

Bye. Byron...

I can't take it no more, man.

Look, I got to deal with Renee on one ear,

I got to deal with Sabrina on the other.

Byron, listen, don't let these girls

get you crossed up.

You got to think about your son.

You're doing good, man. You hear me?

- Just stay straight.

- I'm trying, man.

Throw your hands up.

Hey, Harold.

Hey, Ms. Madea. All right,

what's wrong with your car now?

Nothing.

- For real?

- Nothing's wrong with it at all,

except the other day I went out there

and put my foot on the gas

and the trunk opened.

What the hell is that, Harold?

You are trifling as hell.

I'm so tired of bringing my damn car

up in here for you to fix.

I am not bringing it to you no more.

Do you understand?

Not ever again.

Every time I go out there in the morning

I try to start my car,

do you know what happens?

Do you know what happens, Harold?

It don't start. I have to pray.

You know God don't like me.

You know he don't like me.

All the hell I did in my lifetime,

you know he don't like me at all, hell.

- All right. Let me handle this.

- No, sit down.

Do what you do best. Sit down.

Just stay right where...

Just plant your ass

right there in that chair.

Every time I come here,

you're sitting in that chair.

People waiting on their car,

you're sitting in that chair.

You're supposed to be changing oil,

you're sitting in that chair.

You're supposed to be changing

the windshield wiper blade,

you're sitting in that chair.

Supposed to wash a car,

you're sitting in that chair.

Let me tell you something,

when you die, tell them people

to bury you on your stomach

to give your ass a break.

Where is your wife?

In here, Madea.

- Oh, hey, Tammy. How you doing?

- Hi, Madea.

I don't know how you married

that bastard, Lord.

I ain't seen your kids

since they were five years old.

What you been feeding

that big pumpkin over there?

Look like he been eating hay.

And you look like

you've been eating at the zoo.

H. J...

Oh, it's like that. He's just going...

- I would... I'm just...

- What brings you by, Madea?

- Is your car acting up?

- My car is fine.

Oh, okay.

Your mother told me to come over

and be nice to all the children.

She said she's having a dinter

tonight at 6:
00,

and she want all of y'all

to come over and eat.

We were just over there. What's going on?

Nothing. She wants to see all of y'all.

Me and Harold can't loan her

no more money, Madea.

I mean, we're struggling.

Child, I know you're struggling.

I'm looking at the top of your head.

I see struggle written all over

that new growth.

It is like a miracle just spelling it out

across the top of your head.

Your mama want all of y'all

to come over there.

Now, that's all I'm supposed to say.

Y'all be there, bring the kids...

- I ain't going.

- You ain't going?

Yes, you are.

I said, I ain't going, Tammy.

Okay. You're gonna let them

talk to you like that, Tammy?

Don't worry, Madea. He's just a kid.

Just kids end up being just adults

who are in just damn jail.

Don't let no child talk to you like that,

Tammy, that's...

Yeah, okay. I have a customer.

Don't go anywhere, okay? I'll be right back.

- Well, go on and deal with that then.

- Okay.

I'm gonna talk to the boys.

What are you looking at, old lady?

Come on... Hey...

Stop hitting me, old lady.

I don't wanna have this conversation

with you again.

Do you understand, son?

I see you learn fast.

Now look here.

You young folks are so damn disrespectful.

You're not gonna disrespect me.

I come from the school where you said,

"Yes, ma'am. No, ma'am."

"Yes, sir. No, sir."

You showed some respect,

or you got your teeth

knocked out of your mouth.

Do you understand me?

I can't stand young folks

sitting around at the bus stop,

got old people sitting there,

they're cussing, pants hanging off.

You're gonna show me some respect.

I got silver hair,

but I also have silver bullets.

Do you want one of them?

Now, when a lady walk here

you say, "Heller." Heller?

- Heller.

- Heller!

- Heller.

- Heller!

Heller.

You be disrespectful again,

I'm gonna beat your ass.

I'm gonna beat your ass till you ain't gonna

have nothing but legs running up your back.

Do you hear me?

You're just gonna have legs, no more ass.

'Cause I'm gonna beat it.

Do you hear me, boy?

- Thank yer. Thank yer.

- Thank yer.

Good afternoot.

- Good afternoot.

- You're welker.

- You're welker.

- Yes, you sound very proper now.

- I'm going home.

- Goodbye, ma'am.

That's wonderful.

Thought you was going to be slow,

like your daddy.

- Bye, Madea.

- See you later.

Bye-bye, Madea.

Bye, Harold. You maggot.

Why is you face red, H. J?

You constipated?

Where were you, Byron?

- Look, I can explain, all right?

- I'm listening.

Look, I got arrested.

- Listen, listen. It's not

what you think, okay? - Okay.

Just a little back child

support. That was it.

Look, it wasn't even my fault.

Take some responsibility, son.

It is your fault, all right?

Life ain't happening just to you.

Your choices, they have consequences.

I'm sorry.

Mr. Mills, look, I need this job. Please!

You didn't act like you needed this job.

You were supposed to be here at 6:00 a.m.

Look, I'm sorry.

Please! Please! Come on.

Don't do this to me now.

Who's the only person that gave me a shot

when I got out?

Your chances with me, they've run out.

I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to let you go.

You're fired.

So what am I supposed to do now? Huh?

Take up track.

As a matter of fact, practice now.

Run on up out of here.

Damn, man!

Look, I ain't say nothing about soccer.

Look, you better be glad I'm two classes

away from being baptized.

All y'all get back in

there. Don't get behind.

- Hey, boy.

- Hey, Madea.

Lord, I didn't know where the hell you work.

I done came way over here.

- How you doing?

- I had a long night, okay?

Look, I just got fired.

I just wanna go home.

Yeah, well, we all had a rough night here.

Your mama's having a rough night.

She want all of y'all at her house at 6:00.

She having a dinner over there.

- Mama don't wanna see me.

- Yeah, she do.

Now, be there. I'm telling you,

we're gonna have a nice dinner

and I wanna talk to all y'all,

she's gonna talk to you.

So be there at 6:00.

And if you ain't there,

let me tell you something.

You're gonna wish that the sperm

did a backstroke when it saw the egg

that created you.

Do you understand?

And pull your pants up.

Why the hell you got

your pants on the ground?

I don't know what the hell is wrong

with y'all young boys with these damn pants

hanging down to your knees.

That don't look good. You look like a fool.

That's probably why you got arrested.

You can't run from the police like that.

I want to meet the jackass

that started pulling his pants down

and then everybody started following him.

Why can't you lead

and let everybody follow you?

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