Maggie's Plan Page #2

My wife, Georgette,

has a tenured position at Columbia,

so I'm just using the time

to teach a few classes

and try to write this novel that

I've had in my head for the last few years.

Oh, are you getting a lot of work done

on the novel?

They say every relationship

has a gardener and a rose.

Georgette is definitely the rose.

- And you're the gardener.

- And I don't have a green thumb.

- Maybe you're a rose in disguise.

- It'd be a very good disguise.

And, I mean, she's wonderful.

It's just she's kind of destroying my life.

No, I mean, this has

been a bad week, and...

Content with Hermia?

- It's turning into a nice day.

- Yeah.

I do repent of the tedious minutes

that I with her have spent.

Not Hermia, but Helena I love.

Who would not change a raven for a dove?

Thanks, man.

We have two of those.

It's the best part of my life.

- Who's the guy?

- No guy.

Well, actually,

the man I've asked to be the father

is named "Guy," coincidentally.

Mmm.

- You eat like Mr. Fox!

- Who?

The Roald Dahl book. The movie.

- Oh, my kids love that movie.

- Yeah.

I really like what you're doing, though.

Having a baby by yourself.

Not that it won't be hard

because it's gonna be f***ing hard.

But I admire your courage.

And I love babies.

I just don't like leaving my destiny...

- To destiny?

- Right.

But where will I go?

You can't just kick me out of our house.

- I have a question for you.

- Yeah.

Would you read the first

chapter of my book?

- Sure.

- I know that's weird.

It's just... I really want the

first reader to be like...

Well, you know how you said

you're a bridge between art and commerce?

- Mmm-hmm.

- Well, I need a bridge.

- Perfect. Give it to me. I'll read it.

- You will? I really would appreciate it.

- I don't mind at all.

- All right. Okay.

Okay, great. I'll read it tonight.

Perfect.

I gotta go. Shoot.

- Oh, sh*t! Sh*t! Sh*t! I gotta go. I gotta go.

- Oh, oh.

- Um, I'll see you later. Thank you.

- Okay, bye!

What do you make

of the use of masks

in the Occupy movement?

The masked revolutionary

is a direct inversion

of the face of the demagogue,

the essentially fascist ideal

of the magnetic individual.

Sorry I'm late.

John Harding,

author of many books, including

Rituals of Commodity Fetishism

at the Tail End of the Empire.

So, John, of course, we've been

discussing the Occupy movement...

I can't help mentioning the irony

that Warner Bros. owns the copyright

on the V for Vendetta mask

that became the face of

the Occupy movement...

Whether we like it or not,

in this country, the most potent,

totemic symbols that we have

are cinematic and television-based.

So it only makes sense

that a radical popular movement

would try to subvert them...

Nevertheless, the reality of Occupy occurs

within the capitalist narrative

as a kind of subplot...

This sweeping cynicism of yours...

If by "sweeping cynicism,"

you mean not living in a dream,

then shoot me now.

Maybe the way we...

Nobody ever thinks

a revolution is going to happen

until three days after it's happened.

This is a leaderless movement.

It wasn't gonna operate on a schedule.

This was a genuine populist uprising.

- Yes, because...

- Absolutely.

But to return to the use

of masks in politics.

I am more interested in the possibility of

anonymity and group affiliation.

The "I am Spartacus" maneuver,

which has been

the primary tactical explanation

for the use of masks among various

20th and 21 st century protest movements.

Including the Zapatistas,

the black blocs of

the anti-globalization movement,

and, of course, P*ssy Riot.

Thank you.

Look, you don't have to help,

but will you please put that down?

- One moment, okay?

- Mmm-hmm.

- Ah, see? Finished.

- Great.

I don't get why

you have to say the same thing

in the concluding paragraph

as you do in the introduction paragraph.

You're explaining your thesis,

but in a more developed form.

Okay. And what's the point of that?

By the time you get to your conclusion,

you've proven your thesis.

So it's basically just gloating.

Yeah, it is basically just gloating.

They have fleas in Paul's class again.

They don't have fleas, okay? They have lice.

Let me check your head.

Okay, lice.

You don't have lice. Okay, go.

No texting at table.

- I wonder where she gets that from.

- I use my phone for work.

Sometimes, I want to smash it

with a hammer.

Hmm.

Way to go, Mom.

Salad?

What is it?

They've asked me to chair

the department at Columbia!

Congratulations. That's great.

- It'll be a huge time commitment.

- Still, it's a high-class problem.

When will I ever get my writing done?

I've promised to deliver that book

by December.

Come on. You'll get a big bump in salary.

- All right. What are you...

- I'm already breaking out in a rash!

I've got an idea. Why don't you call

Caleb back and discuss it?

- I have to.

- I know. Fine.

Justine, you want to text your friend.

Paul, you want to play Ninja Revinja

on your iPad? Go.

I myself even have a minor text

I would like to respond to.

We can stop the pretense

of having a close-knit family dinner.

And we can return to the bullshit later.

What? What is it?

The tone, it's so unusual.

- It kind of screwball-surreal. Is that right?

- Yeah, that sounds right.

Screwball-surreal. That's it exactly!

And the characters. Oh!

Like Martin Neems, the colorless

postal worker in 1950s Connecticut

and he's married

to this insane Brazilian woman,

who keeps breaking out in rashes.

It's hilarious.

It is, right? Really, really?

Oh, and the, uh, description

of the musical collection!

- Oh, yeah, with his records, you mean?

- Yes. Oh, it's so great.

- That's funny, right?

- Oh, it's great.

I am so sorry. I am very, very cold.

- I feel like I'm welded to the bench.

- I know.

Is it okay if we go get some coffee?

Actually, my apartment is

like three blocks from here.

- Whatever. Yeah, yeah. Come on.

- I just need to get another sweater.

I'm just... I'm deathly cold.

I cannot tell you

how much I appreciate you doing this.

Oh, really, it was so much fun to read.

- Really?

- Yes.

Did you think the boil was weird gross

or weird funny?

I sublet from a poet.

Do you want some hot tea?

Or, I guess that's his wine, or...

But I have whiskey.

It's a little early, but...

We could make a hot whiskey.

Do you have some honey and lemon?

Uh, yes. I have... Let's see.

I have a half a lemon and honey.

- Oh, well, I'll make it for you.

- Okay. Great.

Thanks.

You're clearly a reader.

Actually, most of these books are his.

- Hot whiskey.

- Oh, thank you.

Oh, it's so good.

So tell me.

You know, I'm curious about you.

What about me? What aspect of me?

Every aspect of you.

I don't know where to start.

Um, how about the beginning?

- I'm hot.

- Oh, I know.

I'm gonna take...

Well, I had a kind of unusual start.

Yes?

Um, so my parents

were married fairly young

and they never had kids.

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