Maggie's Plan Page #6

- Leave, leave.

I've never been so humiliated in my life.

I am in such deep oatmeal.

What was I thinking?

- Maybe you're having a psychotic episode.

- But it was such a good idea.

You know, life doesn't work this way,

you dufus.

You can't take everything

and stuff it back in the box.

God, I think you need some help.

- Why are you being so hostile?

- Because it pisses me off!

- The whole thing pisses me off.

- Why?

Why can't you just leave your husband

like any normal human being?

- Because it would be such a waste.

- A waste!

You are such a hall monitor. It's not a waste.

He's not a paper product.

Love is messy. It's illogical,

it's wasteful and it's messy.

And it leaves these loose threads

that go out all over the place.

But you, you like things nice and neat

and tidy and ethical.

But you screwed that up

the minute you got with a married man.

You're not being my friend right now.

Oh, yes, I am. I am being your friend.

This is being your friend.

I'm being honest with you.

Good intentions.

You're all about good intentions.

Little Miss Quaker Two Shoes

is gonna do the right thing.

But you always somehow screw it up.

- Screw you.

- Yeah, screw me. Fine.

Just being honest. Trying to be a friend.

Don't come over here and...

How do crayons...

Hey, Maggie. Hey, I'm sorry.

Hey, hey, Maggie.

Hey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay?

I mean, what about Lily, huh?

Fathers are a good thing, too.

I know that. I know that,

but I'm just as afraid of her growing up

inside of a dead marriage

as her growing up

in a house without her dad.

Kids can tell when people are pretending.

I don't know. It's a tough one.

I'm sorry.

- Okay.

- Okay.

Okay, okay, okay.

Okay.

- Yes, please.

- Yes please, what?

Yes, please, I'd like to do something.

Just us. If the offer's still good.

Do you have anything in mind?

I don't know. Maybe a local adventure.

Hi. My name is Johnny Harding.

And I was hoping to talk to Wang.

Is he downstairs?

Stay there.

Oh, hey, hey! Johnny Harding.

Yeah, thanks. Come on.

My dad used to take me

to the owner's old place.

Sorry.

What's in that?

Just drink it, okay?

This is for all the marbles.

We won! We won!

I should get you a pipe.

Act like you know

what you're doing.

Uh-huh.

- Is it good?

- Yes.

- Right?

- No.

No! Please, no! Where did they go?

Drown my sorrows.

Slow down on that.

And before... Thank you.

Do you have a room for tonight?

Is this a hotel?

It is a hotel if you know it's a hotel.

Thank you. What do I owe you?

$50. I got $50.

Ah!

- God! My God!

- Oh!

Take off your clothes!

- Five!

- Four!

- Three!

- Three.

- Two. One.

- Two. One.

Take off your f***ing tights!

Would you ever want another baby?

I'm just trying to finish this book.

I think I'm gonna have to

knuckle down, you know.

I mean, four kids would be a lot.

Mmm, mmm.

What?

I mean, you wouldn't even notice.

It's just one more kid for you to ignore.

What kind of thing is that to say?

It's a true thing. John.

I mean, I support you

while you write this book.

I get that. That's fine, I accept that.

But I feel like your intern or your nanny.

- Look, Maggie. For Christ's sakes...

- And you don't even...

You set all this up, all right?

You gave us all a job. And I'm doing my job.

My job is to write the book.

That's what I'm doing.

- I know that's what you're doing.

- Yes!

So you can't get mad when we all

just play our parts to perfection.

Do you even like me anymore?

What are you trying to get me to say, huh?

It sounds like

I should be asking you that question.

- You want me to get your bag?

- No. I got it, thanks.

- May I sit?

- Yes.

In December,

I am attending a conference in Canada

on ficto-critical anthropology.

Ficto-critical anthropology

is John's field.

I know.

I'm in.

- Really?

- I have no reason to trust you.

On the other hand,

I have absolutely nothing to lose.

I could easily arrange to have John

give a paper at the conference.

Do you think he would accept?

iek is speaking. He loves iek.

They invited me

to give a paper at a conference.

Really? That's great!

Yeah, except it's all the way up in Quebec.

So I can't go.

- No, you have to go!

- Why?

Uh, because I think

you could really use a break.

Yeah, well...

Georgette's out of town that week, too,

you know.

- So I can't leave you alone with the kids.

- Of course, you can. I'll be fine.

Well, iek is speaking.

- iek? You love iek.

- Yeah.

How do you know?

I think you've mentioned him.

Hey.

Excuse me!

John Harding?

I'm reading Rituals of Commodity Fetishism

at the Tail End of the Empire.

Yeah, how you making out?

It's tremendous.

We all came up here just to hear you speak.

- And iek. Obviously.

- And iek, right. Obviously.

This is kind of fetishy,

- but would you sign my book?

- Yeah, of course.

- What's your name?

- Al.

- Thank you.

- Al? Take care.

- Fancy meeting you here.

- What are you doing here?

- I'm just giving a paper, you know.

- Oh.

Did you write to me

that you were coming here?

I mean, I remember that you

were leaving town, but...

I don't know. I have no idea.

Um, you sorry you came?

No. It's big enough for the both of us.

Isn't it?

- You look really well.

- I feel well.

Beautiful here, yeah?

Oh, it is. It is. The air is great. So far.

Can I sit down?

Or is it better if we don't co-mingle?

- Oh, it's fine. Why not? We are friends.

- Sure, sure.

- This is Debbie Wasserman. From Yale.

- Oh.

- Hi, Debbie.

- Nice to meet you.

- Did Maggie tell you we met?

- Yes. She really enjoyed meeting you.

- She's an interesting person.

- Really, you think so?

- It's very surprising.

- I didn't know you had time to be surprised.

You know, you concoct ideas

of what your rival will be like.

But she's not my rival anymore.

Good.

Paul told me that Maggie taught him

to do a figure eight the other day

when they were ice-skating.

- He was very proud.

- She's so good with him, you know.

Yes. She sounds like a very capable person.

She's a natural mother.

She sounds like a wonderful

partner for you.

Will you excuse me?

I have to make a phone call.

Oh, aren't you gonna eat?

I'm not very hungry.

And I think maybe you're right.

Maybe it's a mistake

if we co-mingle too much.

We'll only end up

getting on each other's nerves.

Komiko has designed the first patented doll

with removable internal organs.

60% of children have fears about death.

And Komiko's plan is to relieve their fears

about the body

by helping them see what's inside.

Um, they can draw on the organs.

But all of the elements

are completely washable.

So we think

that this would really appeal to parents

interested in marriage-based toys.

I mean, knowledge... Knowledge-based toys.

There's no heat.

The f***ing Internet doesn't work.

The generator blew up, or something.

My batteries are about to die.

And get this, all right?

Guess who's here, hmm?

Georgette!

Wow, really? That must... How is that?

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