Making of 'The Nanny Diaries': Bravo Special Page #9

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News, what news?

What in the hell is going on here?

I'm having another baby.

...virtually impossible.

What exactly do you want?

And now my mother is here

so I can't go to Chicago.

One lousy week!

You know something?

You are an infuriating woman.

You really are!

That's what you get for

rejecting debutante season.

Who asked you, b*tch?

Can you look after

the kids for a minute?

I'm the only nanny here.

I just have to use the restroom.

Hmm.

Make it snappy, dear.

I'm on the last chapter.

Oh, thanks a million.

Oh.

You look gorgeous.

Listen, I need some nanny advice.

- Okay.

- To tell you the truth,

I don't know what's gotten

into her lately.

Well, I installed

a Nanny Cam.

So we'll soon see

the truth.

It might be time

to let her go.

I saw another one.

Make a wish, Grove.

I wish we could stay

in 'Tucket forever,

Mommy, Daddy, you

and my puppy.

Grove?

You know I...

I'm not gonna be

your nanny forever.

I can't be.

That doesn't mean I'm not

gonna always be your friend.

What, there's no OJ

in the goddamned sh*t-shack?

Oh, I was just

about to make some.

Mm-hm.

Where's Grayer?

Isn't he up yet?

Um, he had a little

trouble sleeping.

So...

Concentrate? You have

got to be kidding me.

All my money and I can't

get fresh-squeezed? Come on.

Uh, we used it all

at the party, so...

Hmm.

Well then, why don't you and I

take a little trip to the market

and get us some, huh?

I'm not in right now.

Leave it at the beep.

# Be the new one,

burn to shine #

# I take the blue ones

every time #

# Walk me down

your broken line #

# All you have to do

is cry #

# Yes, all you

have to do is cry #

# All you have to do

is cry. #

- Where's Grayer?

- With his grandmother.

And where, may I ask,

have you been?

Um...

- I just had to clear my head.

- Did you?

I imagine your

unacceptable behavior

has something to do

with that boy in the building.

Nanny.

I wasn't

born yesterday.

He called several

times this week.

He called?

Why didn't you tell me?

I suppose I forgot.

It's really for

your own good.

He's a little out of

your league, don't you think?

It couldn't possibly

end well.

Clearly this

isn't working out.

Mr. X has arranged for

a taxi to take you to the ferry

and then for a car to

pick you up on the other end.

Please don't...

please don't do this.

Not... not for me,

but for Grayer.

Not until you and your husband work

your problems out.

Don't you dare.

You stupid...

you stupid girl.

As if you know anything

about my life.

As if you know anything

about the real world.

All I got's $100.

All right, you know what?

Just give me the change

when you come back for my mother

at some point, okay?

Keep 10 bucks

for yourself, all right?

Nanny...

here's your final payment.

I expect you to

have all your things

out of our apartment by

the time we come back.

Just leave the keys

with the doorman.

Grayer, I think you

should take a nap.

I'm certainly ready

for one.

Nanny!

Where are you going?

- Nanny!

- Grayer. Grayer.

- Nanny!

- Stay here.

- Here.

- What are you doing?

- Take it, take it.

- What?

I can't tolerate the yapping.

Grayer's too young anyway.

- Nanny!

- Grayer.

- Nanny, don't go!

- Grayer, sweetheart...

Nanny, wait!

- Nanny!

- Grayer!

Nanny, don't leave me.

Nanny!

Grayer.

What?

Go ahead, puppy,

do your business.

Anywhere you like.

Good puppy!

Nanny Cam, Nanny Cam,

where are you hiding?

I love you.

Hola.

Hmm.

Aha!

Okay, lady,

you want Nanny Cam?

I'll give you

"Nannies Gone Wild."

And this is how the most

significant confrontation

in my life...

happened with a teddy bear.

After the abrupt termination

of my field work,

I took some time to

make sense

of all that

I had witnessed.

During this period

I read that critics of

anthropology believe

that just by

observing a culture

you inevitably change it.

- Mm!

- Ow! Hey.

In the many times that

I thought of Grayer,

I secretly hoped

those critics...

were right.

This is a tape of

my latest nanny disaster.

She was extremely problematic,

to say the least.

She neglected Grayer.

She drank.

She even flirted with my husband.

I finally had to fire her

for promiscuous behavior

with a boy in the building.

This videotape shows her

feeding my child

peanut butter and jelly

directly from the jar.

You know, I remember

this nanny.

She had a very

peculiar attitude.

Let's watch.

You excited about

going to Nantucket?

Yes.

Okay, well, why don't you

close your eyes

and you can dream about

building sand castles?

- I love you, Nanny.

- Good night.

This must be the wrong tape.

I've never seen this one before.

It's all right, just let it play out.

We'll get to something good.

Oh!

It's a problem.

Big problem.

Okay, Mrs. X, now it's time for a few

simple child-care rules.

Oh, all right. The teddy bear has

been compromised.

Slamming the door in

your kid's face is not okay.

Spending more time on a benefit for

kids you've never met

than you do with

your own blood is not okay.

Going to a spa when

your son has a fever of 104

and not answering

emergency calls,

that officially makes you

an unfit mother.

This is outrageous.

Stop the tape.

Uh, no, this is clearly

a disgruntled nanny.

We... we might have

something to learn here.

Yeah, I know that you're really busy

with your hair appointments

and your Watsu

massages

and your attempts to stay young

so your husband won't leave you,

but here's an idea... why don't you try

eating dinner with your child

every once in a blue moon?

And a head's up here,

lady.

Try smiling once in a while.

People hate you!

As for you, Mr. X,

who the hell are you?

Maybe you're asking

the same about me.

I know you've noticed my ass,

but you probably don't

recognize my face,

so here's a little hint,

okay?

I'm the one who's been

raising your son.

Grayer is not

an accessory.

His mother didn't

order him from a catalogue.

Your son, your wife,

are... are...

are people in your home,

human beings who are

drowning in their desire

for you to just...

for you to look at them.

You know, the truth is,

I don't wish either of you harm.

If for no other reason

than you having

the profound privilege

of being Grayer's parents.

Grayer loves you.

He...

he doesn't care what you're

wearing or what you buy him

or what school

he gets into.

He just... he just

wants you there.

That's it.

And time's running out,

and he won't love you

unconditionally that much longer.

So...

for your own good,

don't miss out

on getting to know him.

He is...

he's truly

an amazing

amazing little person.

Excuse me.

Of course.

Buenas noches.

It's a much tougher game

out there for women.

Nature deals us

some tricky cards.

Is that so hard

for you to understand?

No.

I don't know, Mom.

I just...

So I guess you're not

going into finance?

I don't think that having money

makes it any easier.

You know,

I know that now.

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