Man's Favorite Sport? Page #10

Well, for Pete's sake, why didn't

you just come right out and say it?

I just did. Well, you said,

"strangely attractive."

That's something you say to the bearded

lady at the circus. All right, Abigail.

There are times

when I like you.

Is this one of them? I guess

it must be, because right now...

Right now I'm wondering what it

would be like if I kissed you.

You're wondering?

Yeah.

Well, for Pete's sake,

don't just stand there.

I mean, do something.

I mean, don't just stand there.

Are you gonna do it or not? Uh, I go

out of my mind... Will you shut up?

Ooh.

Mmm. Well, no!

What's the matter?

What?

That wasn't any good.

What wasn't any good?

That kiss.

What? The kiss wasn't any good.

Well, I'm sorry, Roger, but you shouldn't

waste your time if you want to kiss me again...

Of all the nerve. Because

it won't ever work out.

Because I'll always look

at you as a friend. Yeah.

Even though you can't kiss,

it doesn't make any difference.

I just am sorry, but what

else am I gonna say? Oh, hell!

I wasn't finished, Roger.

I had a few other...

Oh, got it

snarled again.

Ow!

Oh, uh... Uh...

Uh... Better pull him up

on the bank.

- Roger, look behind you!

- I will in a minute!

Roger, you dope.! Would you

please look where you're going.!

Come on, you! Get out of there! Come on!

Ooh.

Go on.!

Get going.!

Hey, Roger, hurry up!

You've got a fish, a big one!

- Well, you get him!

- I can't! It's against the rules! Come on!

No, no, no!

Roger, get the net!

Oh!

Oh, Roger!

Oh, that's a beauty!

A real big one!

Oh, I bet nobody...

Jeepers.

What's the matter with you? Oh, my

goodness! I never thought it'd happen.

You're liable to win

this tournament. Probably.

Then what?

And then what? Than I'll write a

new book on how to catch a fish.

You know how you do it? You sit on

a log and turn your back to the fish.

Or you climb up a tree

and fall on it.

Or you drag it up on shore until

a bear tells you that's far enough.

That's a fine way to catch fish. Yeah.

Well, it's all my fault.

I got you into this mess.

Well, at least I don't

have to catch any more.

What do you mean by that?

I mean the tournament's over.

After I turn this one in, I

don't want to see another fish.

No, I suppose you don't.

Suppose you don't.

I'll see you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Yeah?

- Willoughby?

Yes? This is Cadwalader. Well, boy,

I always knew you had it in you.

Mr. Bagley just came in

with the final score.

You are now officially the winner

of the Wakapoogee tournament.

Willoughby?

Do you hear me?

Yes, Mr. Cadwalader,

I heard you.

Is there something wrong? No.

Why don't you come over here now and

have a drink with us and celebrate?

Yes. Willoughby, are you...

Unpredictable fellow,

that Willoughby.

Real genius.

Something's wrong with him.

Celebrate.

Who is it?

Roger, it's me, Abby.

Come on in.

I have to talk to you.

I don't feel

like talking, Abby.

I know, but I've got something

I have to tell you.

I know you're not gonna like

it, and I don't like saying it.

Abigail... But if you'll

just let me say it,

then I'll go away and won't

bother you any more. Abigail...

Now let me finish, please. Actually,

there are two things I have to say.

The first is that this has all

been my fault and I'm sorry.

I'm very sorry. Because

I won the tournament?

That's the second thing

I have to say.

You can't take that trophy.

You just can't take it.

Abigail... Now, please let me

finish. You can't take that.

You've got to tell them the

truth. Do you know what'll happen?

I know it'll mean you'll lose your job and

your customers, but you've got to do that.

Once you start fooling people, you have to

go on and keep on fooling them and, and...

you're too nice a guy

to be a phony...

and keep on

being a phony.

Now, that's all I'm gonna say.

If you'll...

Just go ahead and do that.

I just couldn't tell her

I'd already decided to do it.

It's funny.

She makes it easier for me.

Hi. Congratulations. Thanks.

Well, Willoughby.

Here's the champion.

What'll you have, Willoughby?

Make it something expensive.

Skaggs is buying.

Not for you.

I'm buying this one, gentlemen.

Before we have anything to drink,

I'd like to tell you something.

Yeah? What is it?

Excuse me just a minute.

Mr. Bagley, would you mind

coming over here for a minute?

I'd be glad to.

I'd like you to hear this.

All right. There's the

trophy, all shined up for you.

Yeah, that's just what I want to talk

to you about. That trophy isn't mine.

What? What? You're the winner.

Major Phipps is the winner. You're

off your rocker. I didn't win.

- Yes, you did, Major.

- Phipps didn't win.

I told you that. Willoughby, you

haven't been drinking, have you?

Not enough to make any

difference. And you feel all right?

Yes. Willoughby, I

weighed those fish myself.

Gentlemen, please,

let me talk. I saw it.

L- I-I...

I owe you an explanation.

L... I want to apologize.

You all took it for granted that

I knew all there was about fishing.

L- I-I wrote a book on it.

I must be a fisherman. Yeah.

Up until this tournament, I've

never been fishing in my life.

Are you telling

the truth?

Yes, I am. Then,

Willoughby, you must be a...

Fraud. That's probably the

word you're looking for.

Maybe a phony too.

And maybe you're right.

I never said I was a fisherman,

did I? No, you didn't.

I guess he didn't. I

only told you how to fish.

And you told it good. What about the

three fish you won the tournament with?

Well, now... Yeah! You didn't

catch them out of a book!

That was dumb luck.

It was a sheer accident.

No relation to fishing

as you all know it.

But you caught them. Oh,

yeah. One of them caught me.

The second one committed suicide

while my line was hung over a branch.

What about the third one? I

hooked that one, all right.

Then why are you

disqualifying?

Isn't there something in the rules that

says a fisherman can't get any outside help?

Yes, there is.

From any living source.

This one was living, all right.

I got help from a bear.

Which disqualifies me.

Look, fellas, I didn't earn

the trophy. Major Phipps did.

Well, by George. This

never happened before.

Willoughby, I'm stunned.

Completely stunned.

You're fired, of

course. I expected to be.

Congratulations, Major.

Thank you.

Good night, gentlemen.

Good night, Willoughby.

Well? Well, I don't know what to say.

Well, don't fall on your

sword about it. What?

That's a joke, son. Hell,

I just won a tournament!

I don't feel much like

celebrating, but I'll try.

Make mine a triple... because

I understand you're buying.

Good company, isn't he?

Easy, I thought

you were never coming.

You wanted to see me? The desk

clerk told me that you asked...

That was a half an hour ago.

I was beginning to wonder...

if you'd disappeared

off the face of the earth too.

Who's disappeared?

Abigail!

I looked all over the

place for her. Where is she?

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