Man's Favorite Sport? Page #3

Who is she? I don't know.

There you are.

Aren't you going to

sit down, Roger?

I'd rather walk.

Come on. Don't get mad. Sit down.

Come.

I'll have another.

Yes, sir.

We were talking, and

we couldn't remember...

a tournament that

you'd ever entered.

Miss Page...

Abigail.

Miss Page,

I don't compete with other

fishermen because I...

Forget it.

Can't you speak English?

I'm confused enough.

Here you are, sir.

Roger, please, don't. What?

Don't what? What? Don't take it.

Don't take another drink. I mean, it must

be terrible having a drinking problem.

What? We should've known

that liquor was your failing.

Now, just a minute, I...

It's that you're afraid when you go

away from home, you can't trust yourself.

That's why you never

enter into competition.

You ready for another?

No!

Oh, go ahead, Roger. Don't torture

yourself. I'm not torturing myself!

I don't compete

with other fishermen...

for a very simple reason. What is it?

If I tell you, do you promise never

to breathe a word of it? Certainly.

I don't...

Uh, that'll be $5.40,

please.

Let's get out of here.

Where are we going?

Someplace where no one will

hear what I have to say.

Roger, what on earth...

Never mind! Come on!

Roger, what... Would

you please explain...

Have any nickels or dimes? Yes.

Get 'em out,

will ya?

Okay, get the nickels.

He's crazy!

What?

He's crazy!

You're right!

If I tell you, do you

promise never to tell anybody?

Do you?

All right.

I cannot fish

in your tournament...

because I've never been

fishing in my life!

What?

You've never been fishing in

your whole... No, no, no, no!

Shh!

You promised to be quiet. Oh. Okay.

Rog...

Remember.

Did I hear you right?

I said I've never been

fishing in my entire life!

That's because you're a phony! I am not!

Of course

you're a phony!

Come on.

Don't run off, folks. The

lights'll be on in a minute.

Coming to this place wasn't such

a good idea. Anyway, now you know.

You've never really been fishing? Never.

No wonder you don't want to enter the

tournament. It was your idea, Abigail.

I'm sorry.

I was thinking.

You'd better decide

what to do.

I may shoot him or myself.

I suggest the latter.

You'd better figure it out.

I have things to do.

Taxi!

Good-bye. Don't worry.

I'll keep your secret.

Now that you know

I no longer can help you,

you'd better tell Mr. Cadwalader

you've changed your mind.

Have I? Have I changed my mind? Hmm?

Now just a minute... If you'll buy me

some lunch, we'll discuss the whole thing.

Come on. I know

a nice little place.

You know, you don't look

like a phony, Roger.

How did it all start?

I got a job...

Mm-hmm.

Selling fishing tackle

in a little place.

I listened to my customers.

Fishermen love to talk.

What one customer would tell

me, I'd tell the next one.

Then I got a job at Abercrombie

and Fitch and read up on fishing.

Why didn't you

just fish?

Because I happen

to hate fish...

To handle them, to smell them. Oh, no!

And I brought you to this fish place.

I don't even like them on

a plate. Order ham and eggs.

Yecch. Listen, it still

seems dishonest to me.

Does a man who sells canaries

have to learn to fly?

People ask questions. I give them

answers. I never claimed to be a fisherman.

You never unclaimed it. It

never seemed important until now.

I'm glad I didn't pay

$1.50 for your book.

$2.00!

$1.50's too much.

Four of my people have won cups.

You'd better start studying it.

Why? Because you wanna

enter our tournament!

I have no intention of fishing

in your... tournament. Shh! Shh.

Roger, it's up to you.

But you'd look pretty silly if the

truth came out. I'd look like a...

A phony.

I don't like that word.

But it's true, isn't it? No, it isn't.

If the customers learn

the truth, I'd lose 'em.

I'd lose my job. Cadwalader

would have me thrown out.

And if I entered your

tournament, they'd know. Maybe.

But they'd be

sure to know if...

You didn't.

Do you mean...

I'd tell 'em.

I believe you would.

You know I would!

You don't have to

win the tournament.

You just have to make a reasonably

good showing. How? You tell me how.

Millions of people

know how to fish.

I figure that you could learn,

with the right incentive.

Like keeping your job.

Did you take a special course

in blackmail,

or is it a natural talent?

It won't do us any good

to be bitter, Roger.

I know that you're a phony,

and you know that you are.

The tournament begins on

Friday, and today's Monday.

If you can be up there with

your equipment tomorrow,

then we'll have almost three

days to teach you. Who's "we"?

Easy and I.

We're both good.

You don't have anything to worry

about... Well, maybe one thing.

What? The girl that you're engaged to...

Did you tell her that you don't

know how to fish? It never came up.

Don't you think you'd feel

better if you told her?

I'll decide what to tell her.

It's risky. She may throw you out.

Is she rich? Miss Page,

I don't think that...

Well, anyway,

it's up to you.

Bring your book. You might learn

something from it. Wh-What about lunch?

Oh, I never eat lunch.

Bye!

Tuesday, Wednesday,

Thursday, Friday, Satur...

Six days.

I'm liable to kill her.

I'll be with you in

just a minute, mister.

White man have

long journey?

Oh, just from San

Francisco. Heap big place.

Many moon ago

I take trail to Frisco.

What tribe are you from?

Me chief

Wakapoogee tribe.

My name

John Screaming Eagle.

My people own this lake

before white man come.

Is that so?

Sorry to keep you waiting. Have

you a reservation? I believe so.

My name is Roger

Willoughby. Oh, of course.

Your name Willoughby? Mm-hmm.

My great-grandfather,

Roaring Buffalo,

once scalped man

named Willoughby.

Please,

you not be angry.

Oh, I...

I glad you no angry.

You ever fish Wakapoogee before? No.

You, uh, want win tournament? Yes.

See this? Genuine

Screaming Eagle bass plug.

Only six dollar.

This is a cheap imitation

of the Chugger Spook.

- It's made in Japan and sells for 68 cents.

- John, you picked the wrong man.

This is Roger Willoughby,

the famous fisherman.

Miss Page has a reservation for

you at the lodge, cabin five.

Oh, I don't want a cabin. I'd like

a campsite. Let me see what I have.

You'd be more

comfortable in a cabin.

Oh, no, I... They're newly

redecorated... air-conditioning, TV,

Gideon Bible,

the whole works.

Red man speak

with strange tongue.

I just talk that way for

the tourists. Take the cabin.

Oh, no, I, I, uh...

Why not?

Well, because my boss

wants me to camp.

Well, in the words of

our great chief Confucius,

"Man is much better off if he

obeys the voice that feeds him."

Confucius. I thought he

was Chinese. Chinese-Indian.

I can let you have

campsite C-11.

Nice place by the lake. You'll be

happy there. How do I get there?

Just follow the road. Campsites

are well marked. You can't miss it.

When do you expect the rest

of your party, Mr. Willoughby?

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