Maps to the Stars

I'm Agatha Weiss.

I asked for a limousine.

A stretch?

Um.

Yeah, there weren't any available.

Can you find this place?

Yeah.

Ah...

Look, cash call.

I'm gonna have to collect up front.

It's 45 an hour.

2 hour minimum.

Here's 200, okay?

Can we get a star home map?

Kind of a waste.

Unless you want to see

where Ryan Seacrest used to live?

Where did you come in from?

Jupiter.

Florida.

What's happening in LA?

Visiting family.

Do you drive a lot of celebrities?

I had Al Gore once.

That was probably the heaviest....

for me.

I drove Tatum O'Neil when

she had a reality show.

Umm...

Chuck Lorre...

... who created 2 1/2 Men.

Get a lot of producers...

directors.

Eh... Juliette Lewis.

She's a scientologist.

I was thinking about converting.

Just as a carrier move.

You're an actor?

Actor, writer.

I know Carrie Fisher.

Oh, really?

How's that?

I met her on Twitter.

Yeah, we became like really good friends.

I'm helping her with

a new novel she's writing.

But it might be something she

winds up doing as an HBO show.

What's this place?

I thought it might be on a star map.

There used to be a

really big house here.

Childhood home of Benjie Weiss.

So, how do you know that?

I used to babysit for him.

I was the original bad babysitter.

It's weird.

My agent is trying to get me

an audition for babysitter 2.

I mean it's a long shot, but uh...

Jacob Lightner...

... got it to me...

he's a personal manager.

He's a real heavy-weight.

We went to Beverly together.

I hold my fingers crossed.

Hi, there.

I'd didn't think you'd come.

Why is that?

You're so busy.

Not for you.

Hm.

I, um...

I... I liked 'Bad Babysitter'.

You were so funny.

Yeah... uh....

We did 780 million world wide.

People don't realize that.

Don't you have an iPad?

No...

Um... can we get her an iPad?

Mini?

Load it up?

Watch sh*t in 3D?

We got great sack in crew jackets.

'I was a Bad Babysitter'

written in gold on the back.

Get your swag on.

So...

How did you get AIDS, Cammy?

Umm...

I don't have AIDS, its...

Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma.

You know what

I'm going to do?

I'm gonna make a movie of your life.

Right?

Ryan Gosling will play me.

And I'll play you.

You're my date at the Oscars.

Non-Hodgekin's?

Sorry about that.

- What the f*** is Non-Hodgekin's?

- I think it's a blood thing.

I mean, 'Non'.

It either is or isn't.

Were you serious in there?

Because...

... we can definitely get this to Ryan.

- It's just the kind of stuff he likes to do.

- We could get it to Ryan?

Yeah.

You can barely get

toilet paper to your ass.

Make for an uplifting drama,

wouldn't it?

I mean, I even got a title.

'It's A Horrible Life'.

If you're not serious Benjie,

it's better not to promise.

Hah!

Arnold Kugler Ross has spoken!

Great Rabi, death and dieing.

Man of wisdom.

Zen-f***ing-archer!

I got a new nickname for you.

Uzeem Atolerance.

Drop it Benjie.

Drop it?

I have a better idea.

Why don't you show

me your c*nt?!

Huh?!

I know you have one.

Jew f*ggot!

What are they offering?

5 million.

10 points from Cashbury.

What's Genie asking?

20 from dollar one.

What do you think?

I think we have their balls...

Cool.

So um...

when's the audition?

It's not an audition Benjie.

I told you that.

Right. Sorry.

When's the urine test?

The meeting is on Friday at 10.

The studio just want to see that

you're bright eyed and bushy tailed.

But the deals contingent belong to me?

They just want to protect the franchise.

I am the franchise.

Goo-goo-ga-joo.

Stafford, are you gonna to eat?

I was listening to a very interesting tape

of the Dalai Lama on the way home.

Say what you like about politics...

...the man is a pro.

Free Tibet!

Tibet is not free.

Tibet is very expensive.

I have the receipt

from amazon to prove it.

Anyhow...

Buddhists say a prayer...

Is Genie gonna be there?

She thinks it's better not.

I want her there.

Pray... that those that eat...

... the things that are eaten

and the actual eating...

... be universally devote herself.

Don't you love it?

I'm going to my room.

Goo-goo-ga-joo.

Don't mama...

Don't mama...

Don't hurt me like that.

Don't hurt me like that.

Don't come into my room.

Don't...

Don't come into my room.

When I'm sleeping.

Don't come into my room

when I'm sleeping.

- I won't let you anymore.

- I won't let you anymore.

You mother f***er.

You mother...F***ER!

You... you hurt me.

How?

How did I hurt you?

I was your little girl...

I was your...

I was your little girl.

And... and you hurt me.

Why did you do it, mama?

Because your parents hurt you?

That's not good enough!

THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH!

Come on, Havana, stop forgetting!

I don't...

I don't care what they did to you.

I wish they'd... killed you.

I... I'd kill you myself, mama.

How... how could you

do that to a child?

How could you do...

what you did to me?

I want to be free Clarice.

I want to be free.

Clarice, mama...

Mama, mama.

Set me free!

I will be free.

We will take back the years you stole.

Please...

Please... please...

I'm gonna press on a

personal history point.

Everything is stored in thighs.

Okay.

Take back the years, Havana.

Take back the years she

stole from that little girl.

Release.

Rebeca, we need to stop.

You're a patient here.

I want to help you,

not make you things...

You don't think I set

those fires, do you?

I think that you didn't mean to.

You need help.

That's all.

Don't you wanna help me?

Not like this.

I think that we need to

think about what we're doing.

On all the flesh that says yes.

On the forehead of all my friends.

On every hand held out.

I write your name.

Ms. Havana?

It's Ms. Genie.

- How you doing, baby?

- Eh, I'm okay.

I really had a session with Stafford.

That is so brave, what you do.

Doesn't feel brave.

I need a new chore whore.

What do ...

what happened to Adaggio?

Ahh... I had to fire her.

You're kidding!

What happened?

She was stealing.

Adaggio?!

Oh God, I don't believe it.

Yeah, yeah. She took some money

and a ring I got last year in Paris

and some Vicodin.

Oh my God!

- What did you caught her?

- Um.-hmm.

So what did you call the police?

Yeah, I told her I would

if she didn't go to rehab.

I see that she's there now, huh?

Yeah, with the all the other

dope fiend personal assistants.

They have there own wing.

Okay, well, I call Carry again.

Um, love her, love Carrie

but don't bother her with this sh*t!

She'll think it's hilarious.

I'm meeting her later at the J.J. thing.

She'll give me some names.

So, umm...

What's going on with 'Stolen Waters'?

Well, I called Vita but you know,

they're all at Sundance.

Yeah, everyone but me!

I gave the best reading

of my life, Genie!

I went in there and

I blow everyone away!

I know, I know.

I mean, you know,

the only thing I can think of was that

they maybe they have some concerns

about the perception of stunt casting.

Everything is stunt casting.

Havana...

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