Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas Is You Page #3

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Grandpa, did you do something

to Mr. Ingersoll's lights?

It's my secret weapon.

The Unblinker.

You screw it in

anywhere on the strand,

and they all become Unblinkers.

It'll drive Ingersoll

blinkin' mad. (EVIL LAUGH)

Grandpa, that's so naughty.

(BARKS)

Oh, honey, I think this dog

is too much of a handful.

Don't feel like

you have to keep him.

MARIAH:
No way, Mom. I'll do

anything to get Princess.

I'm taking care of this dog.

Dad and I have a deal.

(WHIMPERS)

I can do it.

I know I can.

Hmm... Well...

I guess if anyone

can do it, you can.

He's gonna need

a leash for starters.

Oh! I know all about

dog supplies.

PENELOPE:
And a bath.

(JACK WHIMPERING)

MARIAH:
It's just water.

Ow!

Have you ever had a bath before?

Come here! Stop it!

What is she doing to him?

(TOILETRIES CLATTERING)

MARIAH:
Let me dry you.

Poor little guy.

Oh, honey, I wouldn't...

MARIAH:
Hey!

(GROANS)

Beth!

Where'd he go?

(SIGHS)

Did Jack come in here?

Nope.

Haven't seen him.

Not in here.

Been swimming?

(BRETT LAUGHS)

Is the back door closed?

Yeah, it's closed.

It better be.

(MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)

Ho, ho, ho, who wouldn't go?

Ho, ho, ho

Click, click

Down through the chimney

with good St. Nick

MARIAH:
Dad.

Huh?

You didn't happen

to see Jack, did you?

Wait, what's that?

You've lost him?

No, no.

We're playing hide-and-seek.

Hmm?

Yeah, it's so much fun.

Hmm...

Ho, ho, ho

Hmm?

(SNEEZES)

MARIAH:
Uh-huh!

Mmm-hmm.

Jack?

Here, boy.

Come on out now.

Jack?

(GASPS)

MARIAH:
(SCREAMS) Jack!

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLES)

(MUSIC LOWERING AND STOPS)

(LUCY HUMMING)

Aren't you handsome

now that you're all clean.

(SIGHS)

Thanks, Grandma. Night.

Night, sweet pea.

(SWITCH CLICKS)

(JACK WHIMPERS)

Off!

You can't be up here.

Even if you did get my

extra-special spa treatment.

I did do a pretty excellent job.

You are sort of handsome.

Okay.

Just a few days,

and I'll have Princess.

I can stand it.

MARIAH:
That's what I thought.

(SIGHS)

The things you do for love.

Just when I thought he was

sort of, kind of cute.

Well, he would

start acting like a dog.

Ugh!

Don't kiss me.

And especially not my face.

(BARKS)

You can stay up here as long

as you don't try that again.

(CHOKES)

Why are you doing that?

What's the matter with you?

(GRUNTS)

No. Oh, please, you're not...

Oh, no.

Don't you dare!

No.No! No!

No!

(JACK VOMITS)

Gross.

MARIAH:
Gross!

Ew!

When did you eat zucchini?

(BARKS)

MARIAH:
The next day

things were better.

I was feeling pretty confident

about getting Princess.

So, I went shopping.

Uh, I said, "Shopping."

(DOOR OPENS)

(SIGHS)

The door...

(DOOR CLOSES)

What is all this pink stuff?

Doggie supplies.

But isn't Uncle Reggie

coming back soon?

And Jack's a boy.

These aren't for Jack,

they're for Princess.

You got color-coordinated

poopy bags?

(LAUGHING)

That's priceless.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Pink poopy bags, priceless.

Not nice.

Kindness, please.

(MUFFLED SNIGGERING)

(LAUGHTER)

(SIGHS)

Come on, Jack.

(BARKS)

(SNIFFING)

Nuh-uh-uh!

That's Princess' bed.

You can borrow her collar,

but not her bed.

(WHIMPERS)

No, this is for the toy drive.

(LOW GROWL)

No!

Argh!

(BARKS)

Give me that.

(JACK BARKS)

MARIAH:
Come back here.

(CHUCKLING)

Argh!

Grandma, why does he hate me?

He doesn't hate you, sweetheart,

just teething, probably.

Teething?

He has enough teeth.

(LOW GROWL)

Seem to remember someone else who

gave me a lot of trouble teething.

Oh, Grandma.

Just need to get

him a good bone.

I'm talkin' real bone,

with beef.

The handbook doesn't say

anything about beef bones.

(LAUGHING)

MARIAH:
Thank goodness Grandma was

able to work outside the handbook.

(BARKS)

If only I could have had

Grandma with me everywhere.

Heel, heel, heel, now sit!

MARIAH:
But, unfortunately,

that wasn't possible.

It's just befuddling.

(SIGHS)

Okay, walk on, let's go.

(GROWLS)

Jack, they're not real.

(BARKS)

Jack, no!

(SIGHING)

Ooh, my lil snowman

He's the coolest cat in town

(BARKS)

He's jolly and he's happy

Nothing's gonna bring him down

All the people say

that there ain't no way

Hey!

This Christmas

he ain't comin' around

Ooh, my lil snowman

He's the finest boy to me

Look at that dog!

Ooh ooh ooh

He's got them pretty little eyes

(DOGS BARKING)

And the biggest belly

you've ever seen

Ooh ooh ooh

He's got his hat to the back

'Cause he's cool like that

Oh, hey!

(BARKS)

Ah!

And they don't know

how he makes me feel

(GROANS)

Sorry!

Ooh, my lil snowman

Does what no one else can

You can't tell me

he ain't for real

(LAUGHS)

Baby, baby, my bah)'

Ooh ooh ooh

(CHOMPING)

Baby, baby, my bah)'

(JACK URINATING)

Ooh ooh ooh

Ooh, my lil snowman

Does what no one else can

You can't tell me

he ain't for real

MARIAH:
Jack, stop! Sorry!

Jack!

(BARKING)

Mommy, it's a monster.

Make him stop, Mommy.

Ooh, my lil snowman

He's the coolest cat in town

(CRYING)

(MARIAH GROANS)

He's jolly and he's happy

Nothing's gonna bring him down

(SCREAMING)

(BARKS)

All the people say

That there ain't no way

(SOBS)

This Christmas

he ain't comin' around

Ooh, my lil snowman

He's the finest boy to me

Oh, no.

Whoa!

Ooh! Yikes!

Whoa!

ERNESTO:
Right, check it out.

(CHILDREN GIGGLING)

Whoo!

Yeah! That's what

I'm talking about!

Come on, Mariah.

MAN:
Watch out!

Whose dog is that?

(BARKING)

Ooh, my lil snowman

Does what no one else can

You can't tell me

he ain't for real

PRINCIPAL REYES:
Hello, Mariah.

(GASPS)

Oh!

Hello, Principal Reyes.

(CONTINUES BARKING)

That's not your dog, is it?

MAN:
Hey, that's my scarf!

Oh! No, of course not.

So irresponsible letting a dog

run loose here. (TUTTING)

Dangerous.

Hey, Mariah!

MARIAH:
Whoa!

Help!

(SCREAMING)

MARIAH:
No! Jack didn't

take out the principal.

The one who was recommending me

to lead Model United Nations.

(CHILDREN LAUGHING)

Whoa!

(BOTH GROAN)

Mariah.

(GRUNTS) I'm so sorry,

Principal Reyes.

Are you okay?

(JACK BARKING)

Jack! Not my face, Jack.

I thought you said

that wasn't your dog.

He's not.

Stop! Jack!

I'm surprised at you, Mariah.

I've never known you to lie.

(GLASS PIECE SHATTERS)

(GROANS)

Is this your new dog?

He's the best.

Where's your skates?

He's not my dog,

and he's not the best,

and I don't have time to skate.

Why are you so busy suddenly?

(SIGHS) Well, you know,

you snooze, you lose.

MARIAH:

I had a wonderful reputation.

Upstanding, thoughtful, witty...

Jack was determined to ruin it.

He has no shame.

Hey, he's putting us to shame.

(GROANS)

Okay. You can put up

one display, just one.

Really? Oh!

This is so great, Penny,

'cause wait till you

see what I've got in mind.

(CHEERING)

Small, understated, tasteful.

Oh, absolutely.

Evening, partner.

(SIGHS)

Hello, sweetheart. Off the couch, Mr.

Whiskers.

Are you ready to call it quits?

MARIAH:
No way.

I've gotten this far.

I'm not giving up now.

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